Prologue
Crash!
Jai’s sledgehammer sank into the drywall with a force that vibrated up his arms and trembled in his bones. Plaster cracked and disintegrated. Wood splintered. Dust coated his throat and caked his lungs, making it hard to breathe. The August heat drenched him in sweat. With every swing of destruction, salt stung his eyes.
Muscles burned beneath his skin, and he relished every searing cry of distress as he obliterated the wall separating their apartment from Riley’s. Gideon grunted at Jai’s side, his sledgehammer smashing through the wall with every powerful stroke. Jai wasn’t weak, but there was no competing with Gideon’s raw strength.
Wearing a sweat-soaked tank top and old jeans, Gideon’s Hulk-like physique was on brilliant display. Bulging biceps flexed under golden skin, and his abdominal muscles clenched, clearly outlined by his sweaty shirt. Almost seven feet tall and built like a tank, he was the embodiment of power.
Jai had never been into beefy guys, but he wasn’t blind. The stringent, tie-and-suit, stick-up-his-ass Gideon wasn’t much temptation, but this dusty and disheveled Gideon was hot as fuck.
“Am I doing this on my own?” Gideon griped as his sledgehammer dropped to the plastic covered floor with a thunk.
“Huh?” Jai blinked. “Sorry. Spaced out.”
With an unimpressed hum, Gideon went back to work, and Jai shook the horrifying thoughts out of his head. Was he seriously just checking out Gideon? What the actual fuck?
Noel twirled into the room in a dirty singlet and worn jeans that hugged his ass and made his legs look a mile long. He wore Jai’s heavy, black boots and palmed Gideon’s keys. His pearly white hair was twisted into a high ponytail, and dust streaked his sweaty cheeks.
“Cold subs, right?” he asked, and Gideon grunted wordless assent. Noel turned to Jai, pink tongue sliding over his plump bottom lip. “Milkshake?”
Jai’s breath hitched, and heat that had nothing to do with the California summer speared down his spine. “Yeah, and beer. Lots of beer.”
When Noel quirked his head in confusion, Jai looked away and refocused on the widening hole in the wall. Keys jangled. Noel hesitated, and Jai cringed at the curious tug on their bond. Nosy bastard.
Giving a mental shove, Jai pushed Noel out of his head, and Noel’s disgruntled offense poked his brain viciously.
“Do you mind?” Jai snarled.
Noel raised his hands and snorted. “Geez, crabby much? What’s your problem?”
“It’s hot as the lake of fire in here, and my ass is sweating through my jeans. What isn’t my problem?”
“Asshole,” his Other snipped, spinning on his heels with a pretentious flip of his ponytail and stalking down the hall.
Jai attacked the wall with a vengeance, refusing to watch his Other leave the room, refusing to acknowledge how perky his ass looked in those jeans, refusing to enjoy the lingering scent of lilac mixed with sweat. Maker in Heaven, he was horny.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone this long without a good fuck. It had been months since he’d had anything but his right hand. Hades, the last time he’d even gotten close was his almost hookup with Beau of all people back in December. And now, he was checking out Gideon for Maker’s sake!
Shit. He needed to get laid. Too bad the only person he wanted in his bed was currently in Utopia living with a fucking Dom and his two subs. Jai’s heart panged, and he gritted his teeth as he guided his sledgehammer through the wall.
He missed Riley like a physical ache. He missed the smoky summer scent of his skin and the softness of his chaotic curls. He missed his quiet laughter and shy smiles. And yeah, he missed Riley’s gasped moans and the way he went utterly pliant and wanton under Jai’s hands. Hell, Jai just missed him.
“Riley needs to discover who he is without you,” Uriel had said at the beginning of the summer. “Give him this time to learn exactly what he’s capable of without you hovering over him. He needs this.”
On one hand, Jai understood. Riley had been told his whole life who he was supposed to be. He’d been shoved into molds that never fit because it was easier that way, more convenient. For years, he’d been the quiet, meek foster kid who never caused waves. Then he’d strived to be the perfect, pure, straight white boy Janet demanded he be.
It made Jai question what labels they’d unintentionally stuck to him. Innocent, naïve child? Closeted twink? Weakling who needed protection?
How much had Riley trimmed himself to fit the image they’d assumed of him? And after the summer was over, would the Riley he was now still choose Jai? Would he still want to?
The more daunting question: Would Riley only choose Jai?
“We share him or we lose him,” Noel had said. “Do you love him enough not to make him choose?”
Yes. That question had already been answered a long time ago, the first time Noel slept through the night in Riley’s arms without waking from a nightmare. His Other felt safe in Riley’s embrace, secure enough to completely let down his guard. And Riley had kept the nightmares away.
Jai’s relief had been immense, but then it had quickly been crippled by fear. Because if Noel had Riley, why would he need Jai? And Riley would choose Noel, of course he would. Noel was kind and gentle and gorgeous. He was everything a male could ever want. In what universe could Jai’s surly, aggressive nature ever compete?
But Jai was stubborn, and fear just made him cling tighter. He couldn’t lose Riley, not when he’d only just discovered how perfectly he fit against him. And he couldn’t lose Noel, the other half of him, the missing piece of his soul that made him whole.
He’d seen the way Riley looked at Noel. He’d felt what Noel felt for Riley. Fuck, he’d consciously acknowledged the horrifying possibility of Riley wanting them both. But seeing the two of them together had still punched a hole through his chest. Every one of his fears made flesh.
For centuries, it had been Jai and Noel against the world. Sure, they bickered. They fought the bond and struggled for freedom, but when shit hit the fan, Noel had Jai’s back and vice versa. Noel was the only constant he had.
Maybe he’d never purposefully driven off Noel’s romantic prospects, but he’d never been welcoming either. He told himself it was because Noel had shit taste in males. Because none of those males held a candle to his Other. Because they weren’t worthy to kiss the ground Noel walked on. So Jai had been cold and intimidating and smothering.
Unhealthy. Pathetic. Cruel. Yeah, Jai was all those things, and more. He had his addictions, and Noel was one of them. He’d never been jealous of Noel fucking other guys. He’d only envied Noel loving other guys. He just wanted Noel to love him.
But it was different with Riley because Riley loved Jai, too. Like Noel had said: if Riley didn’t have to choose, neither would they. Jai wouldn’t lose either of them. He could keep them both. If he was willing to share. If he could sacrifice exclusivity. If he could swallow his jealousy.
For Riley. For Noel. Jai would do anything. But would it be enough?
Jai was pulled from his thoughts as Gideon clipped him with a chunk of plaster. “Shit. Sorry.”
“It’s cool.” Jai waved him off as Gideon shouldered the drywall through the open patio door and tossed it into the yard.