My eyes meet Smee’s, the kindness in his keeping me sane. When others had decided to let me sink, he was the rock that reminded me who I am, who told me I had a job to fulfill. He’s never made inappropriate passes towards me, never reached out in that way. But I don’t think about that too hard. It’s not because of some sense of duty. It’s because he spends his nights with Pete, another member of my crew, another friend since the beginning. Their love has refueled my hope on many days, but sometimes, not even that is enough.
“None of the crew is claimed as completely as I am. If I can help you lot escape, that at least would make me feel better.”
“A captain without a crew?” Smee smiles, teasing. “What would you be a captain of then?
“Who knows?” I shrug, rolling up the map and putting it away. “Don’t you feel how wrong Neverland is? I have this vision of the land wasting away, dying, but I don’t know how. Can’t you feel it?”
Smee studies me for a moment, contemplation on his face. “Have you asked any of the others?”
“No.” The last time I’d seen the other Daughters, the other leaders, we’d all mostly been children, far younger. I’m afraid of what I’ll find when I see them again, when we stand before each other and admit something is wrong. “Perhaps, it’s time to call a meeting again.”
Every so often, one of the Daughters can call a meeting of the leaders. Really, there are only five of us. Every time I think of it, it seems like there should be more considering the size of our world. Each of us has a role to play, and together, we keep Neverland from descending into utter madness, or at least, to keep some sense of strange normalcy. The beasts and creatures here are bloodthirsty. It would be very easy for everything to shatter and take the world right along with it. The Tribes are led by Tiger Lily; the Pixies and fairies are led by Tink. I lead the Seas which means the nasty mermaids fall under my jurisdiction. I could have done without those monsters.
Smee takes a seat on a barrel, his expression sly as he watches my face. “If you call a meeting, that would mean calling on the other Captain.”
Smee hasn’t always been my First Mate. Before I came to Neverland, he belonged to a different crew, one he willingly left to follow me. He’s been my closest friend through all the disaster, the stress, the dire situations. I’ll never forget the circumstances that brought him to my crew. When I was Chosen, both Smee and Pete followed me without question, without hesitation.
Love is an odd thing in Neverland. No one understands it here, and they certainly don’t acknowledge it when it happens. It’s as if this world is against love in the first place. After all, we’re all supposed to remain young and happy and carefree. Young hearts don’t know the extent of their love. Problem is, none of us are young anymore and Smee was never too young to start with. My First Mate and his beau came when they were already seventeen, almost too old for this place. He’s never spoken how he came to be here. The only reason everyone knows my story is because I was Chosen, and my loss is one spoken of in fear behind closed doors.
“Maybe we can avoid inviting him?” I ask hopefully. I could really do without that blasted man.
Smee shakes his head. “He’s an unfortunate part of calling a meeting. Regardless, he’s very much a part of this, even if he is a twat.”
I sigh and slide my stationary towards me, grabbing the feather quill I keep for such things. “You’re right, sadly. I’ll send out the letters now. Tink and Tiger Lily might have more information.” I pause, glancing out the small window. “And let’s hope the Captain of the Stars doesn’t get himself killed when we meet.”
“How would he do that?” Smee grins. “I keep imagining you skewering him with your saber. I’m not opposed to the option.” My First Mate knows the Captain of the Stars is as immortal as I am, no matter how much we may want to change that. There have been times where I’ve come close to hurting him just for the sake of it. There have been times we’ve both drawn blood.
“If only that would work,” I tease, before my smile drops. “No, there’s a reason he chose the stars rather than the sea when we were given a choice. When you’re in the stars, it’s easy to imagine Neverland doesn’t exist at all.” As I look out of the window, Smee watching me closely, I swear I can hear the ticking of a clock in the distance.
Time. We’re all running out of time.
Chapter Three
Sailing the seas of Neverland is an odd concept. There are waves and wind currents, but they all lead always to the same blasted thing: the mass of land at the center of this insane world. You can’t leave, can’t just sail away, can’t escape, because every single outlet brings you right back to Neverland. I’ve often wondered if it’s different for the Captain of the Stars, if he follows the wind current only to arrive right back to the center. Sometimes, I can catch him above the clouds, sailing in his unusual flying ship. I’ve wondered if he’s checking on me but dismiss it. We only have so much area to sail; it’s inevitable we’ll run into each other from time to time, even if we hardly ever speak.
The fishbowl is both my nightmare and soothing. A nightmare because I’ve longed to leave for ages, and soothing because it takes away the guesswork, the stress, about which direction to go. It doesn’t really matter where you turn because you always end up in the same place anyways.
Now, looking at myself at this age I’d never been in my world, I had to grow quickly into a woman. I’d never been a child, even less so once I got to Neverland and was Chosen, but turning into a woman while here created some interesting problems, especially when I wasn’t the only one changing.
My crew used to be made up of boys and young men. Now it’s made up of the occasional child Peter brings and mostly men. The problem with that was they noticed I became a woman as well. Most respected my position as their captain, but a few grew brave enough to proposition me, and I’d been tempted. I’d been very, very tempted. I’m no virgin, but even after all this time of celibacy, I know it would be a bad idea to sleep with a member of my crew. Besides, once we get on land, there will be other options anyways; I just haven’t made it to that point. Once I made it clear to my crew I had no plans to start a romance with any of them, they backed off, far more respectful than one would think a crew of pirates could be.
As stupid as it is, my heart only seems to beat for one man, and I hate that it does. First thing I’ll be doing when we arrive on land is flush him out of my system once and for all. Tink’s men are a little too blood-thirsty for my tastes, the fairy men are far more brutal than I can handle. They’re great to look at, even when they were young adults. I can’t imagine what they look like now, if they’ve been affected by the same problem as we have. I’d spent time with one of Tink’s men long ago, and while there aren’t bad memories of the time, it had felt empty. I haven’t repeated the action.
Tiger Lily’s men are the safer option. While still brutal and powerful, they’re always kind to me, always respectful. Not once has any of them ever run their eyes lecherously over my form. No, in the Tribes, it’s a woman’s place to pursue a man, because she holds the reins. The Tribes are a matriarchal community, and Tiger Lily is strict on what is and what isn’t allowed. Men are put to death for stepping out of line, for pursuing a woman if she says no.