They all grow quiet as I step closer to Anthony. The boy is shaking so hard his teeth rattle, shivers wracking his body. I don’t blame him. The chill of the sea here feels like death, but I’m the Captain. I won’t show weakness if I don’t have to. My men depend on me.
I’m sure Anthony expects to be punished, maybe even to be beaten for the event, but I don’t run my ship like that. There’s a reason I’ve earned the respect of my crew, and it isn’t because they fear me. They respect me because nothing is ever without cause, and I give many chances before someone is kicked off my ship onto land. We’ve had boys who refuse to work, girls who refuse to be on a ship, others who just couldn’t tolerate being on the sea at all. None of them were beaten or threatened in any way. Each was given the option to join Tiger Lily’s Tribe or Hook’s crew. I don’t like to think about the latter, though.
“Next time, when a storm hits, make sure a rope is tied around your waist. I might not be fast enough to save you next time,” I tell Anthony. Jeremiah, one of the oldest on my ship at the ripe age of twenty-nine, claps Anthony on the shoulder as I speak, showing his support. “Mermaids aren’t the most dangerous things here but for us, they’re the ones we see the most. If you ever encounter one and I can’t get to you fast enough, go for their eyes.” I hand him a dagger from my waist. “Don’t hesitate, because they certainly won’t.”
Anthony looks up at me with wide eyes. “You’re not going to kick me off your ship, or punish me?”
So many of the children who come aboard my ship were abused before and it makes me sad. My parents hadn’t been the best, but they’d never raised a hand at me. I was lucky. Too many children are beaten, forgotten, or touched in horrible ways; the Jolly Roger has become a sort of haven for them. A few of my crew call me Mother. A few other creatures in Neverland do, too, but I don’t think about that for long.
“You made a mistake.” I smile gently at Anthony. “I’m just glad I got to you before the sea bitch did.”
He looks nervously towards the ocean. “Is it all bad?”
“Never trust anything from the sea, not in Neverland.”
“But aren’t you from the sea?” he asks, and my crew falls silent, watching me carefully. I glance away, towards the sky for a moment, before I meet Anthony’s eyes again.
“No. I’m not from the sea.” And then to break the tension, “now go get some food in you and try not to get eaten on your way there.”
My crew laughs, leading the boy away and towards the galley for food. He’d need it after being submerged in the sea for so long.
I pad on bare feet towards my quarters, looking up at Smee once to make sure all is well with the ship. At a nod of his head, I slip away, ready to get out of my wet clothes.
Closing and locking my door, I strip free of the wet material and dig through my trunk for a clean pair of pants and shirt. I’d had to find new clothing after outgrowing all the old ones. When I first arrived in Neverland, I was sixteen, and I stayed that way for a long, long time. There’s no passing of time here, nothing to let me know what year it might be in my world, or even what season. The sun rises and sinks every day, but each day is always the same. No one ever dies from natural causes, no one ever gets sick, no one ever gets older . . .
Until now.
I’m no longer sixteen, that much I can tell. My body has filled out, and I appear more like I’m almost to my mid-twenties now. I’d watched my crew go through the same growth, all of us aging together, as if something in Neverland changed. And we’re still getting older.
Luckily, it’s slow enough not to worry about. It had been sudden and quick at first; now it’s slowed to a crawl. My men had suddenly all looked towards me differently, but they respected me enough not to overstep. That didn’t stop their gazes however, though most knew well enough to know I would never look at them the same. Only the ones who came along after I gained my ship don’t realize I’ve never had a heart to give.
I haven’t been on land since we’d started aging, terrified of what I’d find. I haven’t reached out to anyone yet, and no one has reached out to me. What if it’s only our ship? Or what if everyone else is dead? I don’t know any of the answers, but I should. I really should investigate it further.
Something is wrong with Neverland. No one is ever supposed to grow up and yet here we are, becoming the adults we never thought we would be.
Now would be a great time to escape this world, if only it were possible.
I dry myself and prepare to head back onto deck. The storm passes and the seas grow calm again, the sun shining on our faces as if nothing had happened at all.
Peter never shows up, and we sail away, the feeling of something wrong growing stronger with each passing moment.
I can’t get the ice out of my veins.
Chapter Two
Standing in the captain’s quarters, I stare at the map in front of me. It’s hand-drawn, something Smee adds to if there’s anything to add. Only problem is, we haven’t added any new landmarks in a long time. We’ve already discovered everything there is to discover in Neverland, and the map is far smaller than I'd always hoped. Slowly, I tick off around the edges of the map, marking off dead ends, places where we’ve tried. Nothing but dead ends.
There’s a soft knock on the door and I grunt to tell whoever it is to come in. I don’t look up, but I already know who it is before they come inside. Spending so long on a ship in close quarters has increased my awareness tenfold. I would know each and every one of my men from a mile away.
“Any luck?” Smee asks. I can hear the hopelessness in his voice, as if he’s already given up. That’s what saddens me the most. I think we all gave up long ago but I keep trying because to stop would take away all purpose.
“No,” I sigh. “We’ve traveled in circles again and again and still Neverland is always in the distance. It’s as if something always turns us around, as if it refuses to let us go.” I don’t tell him, but sometimes I feel as if we’re in a fishbowl, trapped, but there’s the illusion we could escape if we wanted. It’s a dirty, dirty trick.
“Did you ever think this place would let you leave?” Smee steps towards my table and looks down at the map, at the hundreds of little red x’s along the edges.
“I know someone who did.” I smile at the memory, glancing up at Smee quickly before returning my gaze to the map. “A white rabbit.” But I don’t know how he did it, and that was the problem.
“But you belong to Neverland, Captain. You’re a Daughter,” he reminds me, and I frown.
When I was a child, I hadn’t realized what it meant when I’d been Chosen as the Captain of the Seas. I hadn’t known the impact it would have, and while I don’t regret my time on the Jolly Roger, I sometimes wonder if I would have been able to leave had I never been Chosen. But there’s no use thinking about the past. There’s nothing to be done, and while it’s true I won’t ever be able to leave, not permanently, I still have hope. At least, that’s what I feel in my bones. I’ve never been able to actually try leaving.