“Of course I am. I’m almost as jealous of her as I am of Lennie. But not quite.” Helen felt Claire turn to her to see her response, but she had her elbows on the table and her head cradled in her hands, rubbing her temples.
“Lennie?” Matt said, sitting down next to her. “Does your head hurt?” He reached out to touch her shoulder. She stood up abruptly, muttering an excuse, and hurried away.
By the time she got to the girls’ room she felt better, but she splashed a little cold water on her face for good measure. Then she remembered that she had put mascara on that morning in an attempt to make an effort. She looked at her raccoon eyes in the mirror and burst out laughing. This was the worst first day of school ever.
Somehow she made it through the last three periods, and when the bell finally rang she gratefully made her way to the girls’ locker room to change for track practice.
Coach Tar was all fired up. She gave an embarrassingly optimistic speech about their chances to win races that year and told them how much she believed in them, both as athletes and as young women. Then she turned to Helen.
“Hamilton. You’ll be running with the boys this year,” Coach said bluntly. She told everyone to hit the trail.
Helen sat on the bench for a moment, debating her options while everyone else filed out the door. She didn’t want to make a fuss, but she was mortified by the thought of having to cross the gender line. The muscles in her lower abdomen started to spasm.
“Go talk to her! Don’t let her push you around,” Claire said indignantly as she left.
Confused and afraid she was going to get a bellyache, Helen nodded and stood up.
“Coach Tar? Can’t we just do it the way we always do?” she called out. Coach Tar stopped and turned around to listen, but she didn’t look happy about it. “I mean, why can’t I just train with the rest of the girls? Because I am a girl,” Helen finished lamely.
“We’ve decided that you need to start pushing yourself more,” Coach Tar responded in a cold voice. Helen had always gotten the feeling that Coach didn’t like her much, and now she was sure of it.
“But I’m not a boy. It’s not fair to make me run cross-country with them,” Helen tried to argue. She jabbed two fingers into the spot between her belly button and her pubic bone.
“Cramps?” Coach Tar asked, a touch of sympathy creeping into her voice. Helen nodded and Coach continued. “Coach Brant and I have noticed something interesting about your times, Helen. No matter who you’re running against, no matter how fast or slow your opponents are, you always come in either second or third. How can that be? Do you have an answer?”
“No. I don’t know. I just run, okay? I try my best.”
“No, you don’t,” Coach said harshly. “And if you want a scholarship, you’re going to have to start winning races. I talked to Mr. Hergeshimer. . . .” Helen groaned out loud, but Coach Tar continued, undeterred. “It’s a small school, Hamilton, get used to it. Mr. Hergeshimer told me that you were hoping for an athletic scholarship, but if you want one you’re going to have to earn it. Maybe forcing you to match the boys will teach you to take your talent seriously.”
The thought of displaying her speed for the world to see had a physical effect on Helen. She was so afraid that she was going to get some kind of cramp or bellyache that she started to have a mini panic attack. She began to babble. “I’ll do it, I’ll win races, just please don’t single me out like that,” she pleaded, the words tumbling out in a rush as she held her breath to hold back the pain.
Coach Tar was a hard-ass, but she wasn’t cruel. “Are you okay?” she asked anxiously, rubbing Helen between her shoulder blades. “Put your head between your legs.”
“I’m okay, it’s just nerves,” Helen explained through gritted teeth. After catching her breath she continued, “If I swear to win more races, will you let me run with the girls?”
Coach Tar studied Helen’s desperate face and nodded, a bit shaken from witnessing such an intense panic attack. She let Helen go to the girl’s trailhead but warned her that she still expected wins. And more than just a few.
As she ran the trail, Helen looked at the ground. An academic scholarship would be great but that would mean competing with Claire for grades, and that was out of the question.
“Hey, Giggles,” Helen said, easily catching up. Claire was panting and sweating away already.
“What happened? God, it’s so hot!” she exclaimed, her breath strained.
“I think the entire faculty is trying to see if they can climb up onto my back at the same time.”
“Welcome to my life,” Claire wheezed. “Japanese kids grow up . . . with at least two . . . people up there. . . . You get used to it.” After a few more labored moments of trying to keep up with Helen, Claire added, “Can we . . . slow down? Not all of us are from . . . planet Krypton.”
Helen adjusted her pace, knowing that she could pull ahead in the last half mile. She rarely exerted herself in practice but she knew that even without trying hard she could easily finish first. That fact scared her, so she did what she usually did when the subject of her freaky speed came up in her head. She ignored it and chatted with Claire.
As the two girls ran down Surfside and out across the moors to Miacomet Pond, Claire couldn’t stop talking about the Delos boys. She told Helen at least three times that Lucas had held the door for her at the end of class. That act proved he was not only a gentleman but already in love with her as well. Jason, Claire decided, was either gay or a snob because he had only glanced at her once before quickly looking away. She also took offense at how nice a dresser he was, like he was European or something.
“He’s been living in Spain for, like, three years, Gig. He kinda is European. Can we please stop talking about them? It’s giving me a headache.”
“Why are you the only person in school that isn’t interested in the Delos family? Aren’t you even curious to get a look?”
“No! And I think it’s pathetic that this entire town is standing around gawking at them like a bunch of hicks!” Helen shouted.
Claire stopped short and stared at her. It wasn’t like Helen to argue, let alone start yelling, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself.
“I’m bored to death of the Delos family!” Helen continued, even when she saw Claire’s surprise. “I’m sick of this town’s fixation with them, and I hope I never have to meet, see, or share breathing space with any of them!”
Helen took off running, leaving Claire standing by herself on the trail. She finished first, just like she’d promised, but she did it a little too quickly; Coach Tar gave her a shocked look when she recorded the run time. Helen blew by her and stormed into the locker room. She grabbed her stuff and bolted out of school, not bothering to change or say good-bye to any of her teammates.
On the way home, Helen started crying. She pedaled past the neat rows of gray shingled-sided houses with their black or white painted storm shutters and tried to calm down. The sky seemed to sit particularly low on the scoured land, as if it was pressing down on the gables of the old whalers and trying to finally flatten them after a few centuries of stubborn defiance. Helen had no idea why she’d gotten so angry, or why she’d abandoned her best friend like that. She needed a little peace and quiet.