Since my nudity distracted, mostly in the form of people who kept thinking I was looking for fun, I shifted, which caused another sort of distraction.
“Look at the size of that lion’s penis!”
“Imagine how much those furry balls would fetch on the black market,” said another.
Everyone wanted to bag the trophy. If it wouldn’t look dumb, I would have tucked my assets into some underpants; however, a mighty feline didn’t wear clothes in his majestic state.
I did snarl as people kept trying to touch, though. I also almost chewed off the face of the guy who muttered, “Someone forgot to neuter their cat.”
Touch my furry balls, asshole, and die.
A minute later, someone did die. By my paw, I must admit, mostly because I scented the witch on the fellow. Given she’d hung the miscreant on the railing, having magicked his clothes into rope, the dick deserved the swipe of my claws that sent him plummeting.
Good thing I’d signed the indemnity clause before boarding. What happened on the cruise stayed on the cruise.
My mother waylaid me next. “Ozzie, why aren’t you upstairs with the others partying?”
In her fifties and looking trim for her age, my mom arched a brow as she waited for a reply. A good one too, or she’d order me back upstairs.
Shifting, I was ready with an excuse. “I was tired. Thought I’d hit the sack early.”
“You can sleep in.”
“Not if I want to hit the gym before breakfast.”
“Since when are you that motivated in the morning?” Mom knew me so well. Then her expression went from suspicious to delighted. “Don’t tell me you’ve already set your sights on a woman.”
“You caught me.” I shrugged and offered a sheepish smile. No need to tell her the woman wasn’t mating material. My mother had a thing against witches.
“Who is she? Do I know her parents? Please don’t tell me she’s from that wolf pack on board. They’re Canadian and won’t shut up about their healthcare system. You know what,”—she waved a hand—“so what if she is. Fresh blood would do the pride some good.”
“She’s fresh, all right,” I replied. As in not even compatible. Something about the way witches’ magic wouldn’t work on us also caused problems with the whole procreation bit. Add to that a feud that went back centuries…
“Here I am, getting in your way, making you late for your tryst.” My mother shoved me. “Go. Have fun.”
Don’t mind if I do. I mean, a boy should never disobey his mother. Back on four feet, and getting tired of switching, I trotted after Glinda’s enticing scent, only to get stopped. Again. This time by an old woman wearing a strapless dress patterned in a bold clash of flowers, hanging low due to her gravitationally-challenged cleavage.
“And where do you think you’re going, giant feline?”
Another witch, I realized with a sniff. Her scent also hinted of the one I followed, making her most likely a family member. Perhaps she would help me. I returned to my man shape, feeling fatigue tug at all the rapidly-spaced changes.
The older lady perused me and smacked her lips. “If I were a few centuries younger…”
Knowing full well how to play this game, I winked. “Experience is golden.
“Flirt.” She smiled but wasn’t distracted. “What are you doing in this part of the ship?”
“Taking a stroll,” I offered her a shrug.
“There’s nothing down this hall for you to see.” She blocked me quite adeptly, especially since my mother had raised me to never lay a hand on a lady—or lose it. Happened to my cousin Horatio.
“Okay, you caught me.” Said in my best aw-shucks tone. “I was checking on a witch. A relation of yours, I believe. Sister maybe?” I queried, earning a titter.
“Why are you stalking Jane?”
Jane? Such a simple name for a complex creature. “Just checking she made it to her room safely. She had an altercation with a pirate.”
“Not even one day and she’s having fun.” The old lady beamed.
“She didn’t seem very happy, so I thought I’d pay her a visit.”
“I’m sure you did.” Wink. “I can’t believe my Janey has the boys chasing her already. Although, you’re not what I would have expected.” She eyed me again, and my hands dropped to cover my junk. “So, you found it then?”
“Found what?” I replied at a complete loss.
“The locket?”
“What locket?”
She frowned. “You don’t have it?”
“Not a clue what you’re talking about.”
“Pity,” she said with a sigh. “In that case, you shouldn’t waste your time with my granddaughter.” She sauntered past and said over her shoulder, “She’s about to get engaged.”
“To who?” I couldn’t help but ask, annoyance with no basis filling me. The old lady didn’t reply, and after she’d left, I stared at the door.
The door. Behind it was an interesting witch. One who was off-limits in more ways than one.
But that wasn’t why I ended up getting royally drunk in my room.
See, when I’d asked the witch who Glinda was marrying, my inner feline muttered, Us, you idiot.
6
Jane: I’ll put her in a nice home. The kind that gives them real Jell-O.
“I can’t believe I lost track of my locket.” I remained peeved as I paced my tiny coffin of a room. Grandma had really skimped on the accommodations. We had a pair of bunks and a miniscule washroom, that was it. Not enough room by far to properly pace and rant. A good thing my bag had a pocket dimension to hold everything I might need. Because right now, I needed a punching bag. And ice cream. Oh, and some whipped cream with cherries to go on top.
Except I’d forgotten to replenish my travel larder, and all I had to munch my annoyance away was stale black licorice.
Which was still delicious, if too chewy.
“This is all his fault.” Not the pirate. That lion. How dare he get involved? How dare he be so hot?
How could I properly hate the man like I should when his abs had baby abs of their own? And then there was his feline, a sleek creature with a lush, dark mane. He stood out compared to the golden-hued lions I’d seen before.
But forget about him.
“I need to find that locket.” Pronto. Before the wrong sort ended up in possession of it. What if I accidentally fell in love with a ghoul? Or, the dark lord forbid, a shifter?
I’d never hear the end of it at family reunions. Just look at Great-Aunt Leona, who married that wolf that worked on Wall Street. Everyone whispered about how disgustingly rich she was, and how many well-behaved children she had, and the lovely house she owned in the snooty part of town…
Hmmm. On second thought, that didn’t help the case.
Besides, I panicked for nothing. Magic didn’t work on shifters. Which meant my locket would never end up in the paws of one. I hoped. With my luck, love spells would be the one exception to the rule.
“Where are you, Grandma?” Who knew where she had gotten to? For all I knew, she’d planted the locket on the pirate herself. A poor choice if you asked me. Did she really think I wanted to date my father?