It would be so much easier if I could forget about the Ethan I’d loved, as easily as he’d forgotten about me.
Then, I gasped. Because maybe I could.
I instantly gave up on trying to sleep, got up, and got dressed. Because there was someone I needed to see.
And I needed to see her now.
The doors in the Haven didn’t have locks, but when I held my key up to the doorknob, a lock magically appeared above it. I clicked it open, and stepped into the Eternal Library.
As always, I looked for Hecate.
She wasn’t there.
So I opened the Library door again and walked through, ending up on the front step of the person’s house I was going to see.
I felt bad for waking her up at noon, which was the equivalent to the middle of the night in the Haven, since all vampire kingdoms kept a nocturnal schedule. But this conversation couldn’t wait.
So I knocked on the door.
Rosella answered in a second. She wore Haven whites, and her dark hair was secured in a loose braid that flowed down her back. Her milky eyes were pointed in my direction, although they were blank and unfocused.
“Come in.” She opened the door wider and motioned for me to enter. “I’ve been expecting you.”
Of course she’d been expecting me. I supposed that was one of the perks of having future sight.
I inhaled the sweet, sugary scent of pancakes and syrup, and smiled. The kitchen table was already set for two people, with a plate stacked high with pancakes in the center. I rarely ate pancakes—Mom said pancakes, waffles, and French toast were excuses to eat dessert for breakfast—so I welcomed the treat.
A cup full of blood sat next to Rosella’s water glass, and a mug of white hot chocolate was next to mine.
“Given what you’re going through, I figured you needed some comfort food,” she explained as she sat down.
I also took my seat. “Do I even need to explain why I’m here?”
“Please do. I have a general idea about what’s going on, but only from an outsider’s perspective. For a better understanding, it would help to hear it from you. And since you haven’t spoken with anyone about it yet, I feel like it would help you to talk about it, too.”
And so, I launched into everything that had happened since being poisoned by the nightshade, talking so quickly that I barely had time to drink my hot chocolate, let alone eat pancakes. But the whole situation was making me so anxious that I didn’t have much of an appetite, anyway.
“Have you ever remembered a dream so clearly before?” Rosella asked when I was done.
“No. I have intense dreams a lot, but they always fade, like dreams are supposed to.”
“Then your experience doesn’t sound like a dream.”
“I know that,” I said. “But if it wasn’t a dream, then what was it?”
“What do you think it was?”
“I don’t know.” I let out a long, frustrated breath and stabbed my pancake with my fork. “That’s why I’m asking you.”
“Your intuition is strong. I’d like to hear what you think.”
“My thought sounds crazy.” I’d barely even let myself think it, since it was too out there to possibly be true.
She cocked her head to the side. “Crazier than everything that’s happened in the past few months?”
“Yep,” I said. “Definitely crazier.”
“Then I’m all ears.”
“All right.” I said, sitting forward. “Have you ever heard about the multiverse theory?”
“The theory that there are an infinite number of worlds running parallel to ours, each the result of a different decision we’ve made.”
“I guess that means you’ve heard of it.”
“I can see the future.” She smiled. “But I only see the future as it would turn out at that point in time. The moment I share a person’s future with them, they can make a different decision and change the future I previously saw. So I know more than anyone that there are many ways life can play out.”
“But is there only one way it can play out? Or does each decision cause a split, so it plays out in both ways, but in different worlds?”
“You think there’s another world where you opened up to Ethan in the cove, and he ended up with you instead of your sister? And that the nightshade allowed you to experience that world?”
It sounded crazy when she said it out loud.
“Is it possible?” I asked.
“I wish I had an answer, but I’m afraid I don’t know,” she said sadly. “However, what I do know is this—you exist in this world, and the past is set in stone. You create your own future here. What point is there in wondering what your life would be like if you made a different decision in the past?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “But maybe if nightshade brought me there once, it can bring me there again.”
“If there are an infinite number of worlds, how can you guarantee that taking the nightshade would take you to the exact same world you experienced before?” she asked, although she continued before I could answer. “Even if you could return to that world, you had no control of your body in there. Would you want to be a parasite living inside this other version of yourself forever? And if you did choose that, what would happen to your actual body here?”
“You’re making my head spin.”
“I’d say I can’t imagine it, but I see a future that’s regularly changing, so I’m not one to talk,” she said. “But tell me—how have these memories been making you feel?”
“Sad,” I said without a second thought. “Alone. Confused. I’m grieving a relationship that no one else knows about. One that technically never existed—at least not in this world. And I can’t talk about it with anyone. Except now, with you.”
“And I’m more than happy to listen,” she said. “But you came here to ask me a question.”
“I just asked you a ton of questions.”
“But you haven’t asked the question. The one I can actually answer.”
I took a deep breath. Because once I asked, there was no turning back from the decision I’d have to make.
“If I took memory potion, would it erase my memories of what I experienced with Ethan?”
I held my breath, unsure what I wanted the answer to be.
If she said no, then I wouldn’t have to decide if I wanted to take the potion or not. It would be decided for me.
If she said yes… then I’d forget how incredible it felt to be loved by Ethan. How safe and cared for I was with him.
That would be a good thing, I reminded myself. It’s what I want.
Was it?
“Yes,” Rosella answered, giving me no sign if she thought this was a good idea or not. “It would.”
“Do you have some for me?” I wouldn’t be surprised if she did, since she knew why I wanted to talk to her before I’d arrived.
“I don’t,” she said. “Only an extremely powerful witch can brew a strong enough memory potion to do what you ask. And one of the ingredients she’ll need will be a bit of your DNA, such as a strand of hair.”