My stubbornness was bad enough that I wouldn’t admit it to him. I would still be me, and Finn would either be okay with that or not. I likely wasn’t going to make it easy on him, either. I needed to know that nothing could make him regret being bound to me. That he would be in this no matter who I was or what my beliefs were.
If I could be certain of that, then maybe everything would work out, but I wasn’t holding my breath just yet.
Chapter 5
When I exited the hut, my head spun a little. There must have been more whiskey than anything else in those hot toddies, which made me appreciate Olida even more. Sneaky fae.
Once I had my bearings, I looked up to find five fae staring at me. I held my head high as I glared at each one of them. That was, until each of them bowed their head and placed a fist over their chest in respect.
The eldest male stepped forward. “We are glad to see you are safe, Lucinda Morrow. Please accept this gift.”
His arms stretched forward with palms up. Within his hands was a feather carved from wood and possibly colored with charcoal. I gently picked it up, the tip sharp, much like my own feathers when I wanted them to be.
“Why?” I asked while marveling at the craftsmanship of the object.
“Because we believe in Mosi, and he believes in you. We will fight with you when the time comes.” He lifted his head just enough so that his azure eyes met mine. I saw nothing in them but sincerity.
“Thank you,” I said in earnest, my gaze moving back to the feather I spun within my fingers.
By the time I glanced back up, the five of them were gone and nobody else was around. I had no idea how many fae lived on this island or what they did all day, but I was suddenly okay with being here.
There were very few times in my life when someone looked at me with respect. More often than not, fear and disgust were thrown my way. I’d pretended not to care for a long time, but without the voice inside me, I was beginning to worry I wouldn’t be the same confident fae I’d always portrayed.
Unease settled in me as I spread my wings and pushed into the sky. Considering the island was supposed to be a fortress and hidden from anyone who didn’t belong, I took my time soaring around the island, trying to leave my worries behind.
The huts below me disappeared under the treetops of the jungle, and I flew high in the air until I sensed the barrier. A warmth coated my skin, almost as if cautioning me from proceeding. When I was as far up as I was going to get, I hovered in the clear blue sky.
The island was a small oval shape, and the jungle-forest took up three-quarters of it. Beyond the trees was a sandy beach, continuing all the way around. I flew across the land, searching for more fae, but not finding any through the thick covering of branches.
When I was done stretching my wings, I drifted down to the shore and settled on a fallen log. The waves were calm, and the birds were plentiful. Their songs kept most of my thoughts at bay, but only for a short time.
Mosi had revealed more than I expected. My entire life wasn’t what I thought it was. I wasn’t who I thought I was, yet I was certain I didn’t want to change. Most of it didn’t make sense just yet. I had a feeling it wouldn’t for some time.
On top of all that, I was mated to Finn.
“Mated.”
Saying the word out loud made my skin shiver along my spine and down my arms. Though, I couldn’t decide if it was in fear or disgust of the emotions I couldn’t comprehend.
Neva had been the only person to show me some semblance of friendship, and I’d never truly accepted it. I’d always fought against letting her get close, because if I cared too much, that gave her the power to destroy me. Even if it wasn’t her intention.
Now, I had Finn and this bond between us. Something very permanent and not easy to avoid. Even as I sat staring into the waters of the fae realm, I could sense him when I searched. I instinctively knew he was safe, but I couldn’t tell what he was doing in that exact moment.
“Gods, this isn’t me,” I muttered to myself.
“Are you sure about that?” Olida’s voice sounded right before she took a seat next to me.
My body flinched, but I held back my natural reaction to strike out. “It’s rude to eavesdrop on people.”
“Well, I didn’t expect you to be talking to yourself,” she countered. “I’ve been around for a couple centuries, Lucinda. I’ve seen all kinds of people, watched the worlds change, and had my fair share of hurt, but never before have I sensed what I do in you.”
I side-eyed her. “And what would that be?”
“Exactly what I told Mosi earlier—strength, magnificence, and resilience.” Her wrinkled hand grabbed on to mine as she sat down. “You have suffered much in your short life. You are still just a child in my eyes, but you have the mind of someone far beyond your physical years. But don’t hate the path you have taken. Everything that you are is what will get you through the trying times to come.”
I laughed. “I think you’re the first, and only, person to ever think that way about me.”
“No, I’m just the first person you’ve believed. The important question is why is it that you’ve failed to accept these things about yourself before? You know you’re powerful. You know you can handle plenty on your own. Why can’t you see your own self-worth?”
Olida wasn’t pulling any punches, and I didn’t like it. I’d come out here for air and to get away from the heavy, but she wasn’t letting that happen.
“A part of why you trust me is because there is no longer a darkness within you that is telling you not to. I’m sure you might miss its companionship. You were alone for so long. But remember, you have that with Finn now. You don’t ever have to be on your own again. Finn accepts you for who you are.”
A splash in the water caught my attention, and I used it as a distraction to avoid responding. Not having the darkness within me wasn’t going to change all of my thoughts and views on life. I still didn’t believe Finn could truly accept me for who I was. He might have gone along with what Mosi said, but that very well could have been to save his sister, even if he’d said otherwise.
“What are you?” I asked, needing a change in subject.
“I’m assuming you mean besides the obvious.” I nodded, and she continued. “Well, even that I’m not really sure of. You see, the two of us, we’re a lot alike. There is much unknown about me, as there is you. I can heal people, but it doesn’t always work the same way every time. I can sense emotions, and even sometimes relieve the pain of the past. But each time I use my abilities, it’s always a little different.”
“At least you’re a light fae. People don’t fear the unknown when it comes from fae like you,” I replied, my voice drenched in bitterness. We weren’t alike. She had no idea about the life I’d lived.
She tsked. “That’s where you’re wrong. I was nearly killed for my abilities only a century ago. That’s when Mosi found me. He saved my life and brought me here. I haven’t left since.”
“The world is different now. Your kind of powers would be sought after and praised,” I said.
“Fear makes people do crazy things, Lucinda. What astounds me about you, and even makes me a little jealous, is that you don’t let your fears keep you from doing what you want. That is something you should be proud of.”