Hayden looks up at me. Her eyes dilate; something flashes through them that I don’t get a chance to read before it clears.
“It is. It was nice of you to throw Michael a birthday party. I know it means a lot to him,” she says, after swallowing down a bite of food. She wipes her mouth on a napkin and shifts on the bench of the picnic table and more or less faces me.
“He’s family. We love him,” I tell her, clearing my throat.
“I love him, too,” she says softly. “Just in case you were wondering.”
“I know that. I can see it in the way my boy has changed. A good woman’s love gets to a man and makes him different. My Beth, she gives that to me. I can see the same in Beast and I’m grateful, Hayden.”
“But?” she questions, because she knows it’s coming. I don’t know how she knows, but she does.
“A man can’t truly be happy if he’s not at home.”
“Maybe Michael feels home is in North Carolina,” she responds.
I’m a man who has lived through hell. I’m a man who knew fear and agony so deep that it left scars where I breathed that shit for too long. Still, with her softly spoken words something hits me. I wouldn’t call it fear, but it’s an uneasiness just the same. There’s a possibility that she could be right. Beth has warned me, and I’ve seen the difference in Beast with this visit and all of that indicates that it’s a very good chance. Still, I want my brother back. I want my family close and Beast… fuck, he’s my brother through and through. I let him down. I don’t want him in North Carolina where I can’t be there for him if he needs me. Hell, Diesel had to be there for him more than me last time. North Carolina is closer than Wyoming, but what if something happens and needs me right away? What if I have only minutes to get to him?
Him living hours away is just unacceptable.
I need my family close.
“He’s a part of us. He’s a member of the Devil’s Blaze. We have each other’s backs. We are brothers even if not by blood. We are brothers by something stronger than blood. We’re familia. You, Connor, Ryker and the child you’re carrying, you are familia now. That means something,” I whisper, my voice hoarse.
Pictures of Annabelle, flashes of memory, sounds of her laughter, they are all trickling through my mind right now.
I let her down.
She was family.
I let her down.
Beast… I let him down.
Briar… Fuck!
There have been a few losses, since becoming President. Each death is a weight on my shoulders. They all hurt like hell. But none hurt as bad as the open wound that has festered for years when it comes to Beast and his daughter.
He lost everything because of me. It all lies solely on me.
I failed him.
I failed them all.
It doesn’t matter that Beast doesn’t blame me.
I blame myself.
Hayden’s face softens. Whatever I saw before seems to dissolve before my very eyes, even if she had been hiding it earlier. It’s good and I like that it’s gone. She reaches out and touches my hand—it’s tentative, but she does it and there’s something about that I like, too.
“I… Can I call you Skull?” she asks and I smile, the ring in my lip moving slightly with the movement.
“Quiero que tu,” I tell her. I want you to. I don’t know if she understands, but she smiles like she does and continues.
“Skull, I know what this is about and I need you to know something.”
“I don’t understand…”
“I know you had this party as a way to talk to Michael and to ask him to come back here,” she continues, still talking softly.
“Hayden…”
“I’m not standing in Michael’s way, Skull. You may think that, but you’d be wrong.”
“Hayden, I can understand how you might be against living around a clubhouse with….” I stumble over the words, not sure how to say them. I don’t want to hurt her more. “I mean with your past, I could understand how you would hate the idea for you and your children—”
“You can stop there.”
“I’m just saying—”
“This is not my first time here, Skull.”
I don’t respond. I just stare at her. She clearly has something to say and I want to give her room to say it. Plus, she’s right. She’s been here several times with Beast and each of those visits seemed to have been good, but always… always they stayed in a hotel. I couldn’t even talk Beast into staying at my home. I hated it. Hated it.
“I’ve been here several times and each visit I’ve enjoyed,” she says, confirming what I thought, but I let her continue. “You don’t know me, so I get that you don’t understand what you’re saying is hurtful,” she adds and I frown.
“I do not mean to cause you—”
“I have a past and it was a past I had to overcome, but I did it and it didn’t leave me estúpido, Skull,” she says, using my language and throwing the word at me like an accusation. I thought Hayden somewhat weak. It seems I may have misjudged her. “You and your club are nothing like the garbage that held me prisoner.”
“Si,” I respond, pleased to fuck and back that she gets that. I was worried that it would color the way she viewed all clubs.
“You care for one another, you love one another, and you have a sense of right and wrong that guides every decision you make. I’m not blind to that. Michael has that engrained in him. He shows it daily and I see it here with all of you too.”
“I’m glad, Hayden.”
“What you need to understand is, I would follow Michael through the fires of hell and not regret a moment of it if it meant I would be by his side.”
“Hayden—”
“If he wanted to move to Kentucky, I would support him, Skull. I’ve moved and started over a couple of times now. It wouldn’t be hard for me to do it again. Because, I know wherever we end up, Michael and the boys would be there with me, and all I need in this world are my boys.”
I swallow as I take in her face and the emotion in her voice. I believe her. I one hundred and fifty percent believe her.
“I appreciate you being up front with me, Hayden. More than I could tell you. I want to be the same with you. I’m going to ask my boy to come home to stay. I’m going to fucking do everything I can to make that happen.”
“I get that. I expected it, but there’s something you need to know Skull, and I don’t want to hurt you when I tell you,” she says. She pauses and seems to wait for a sign from me before continuing.
So, I nod and wait. It’s not long in coming.
“Michael has suffered so much pain here. He may have healed and his mind may cling to the good now, but the bad is there, the darkness is still there. It doesn’t bother him often now, but it still does.”
“I get that,” I tell her and I do. I have my own form of darkness inside of me. It may not come from the same place or be the same type—but I know that darkness.
“My man is so strong, Skull, but that darkness can still pull him sometimes and set him adrift.”
“Hayden—”
“Me, Connor, Ryker and this baby I’m carrying? We fight tooth and nail to bring him back to the shore and we will continue to do that no matter where we live.”