Good. Something was going my way at last.
“Without it, you can’t make your final decision, and the mating process cannot end.”
My face hardened. “Again. I don’t acknowledge your rituals.”
His jaw clenched. “This isn’t going away, Andie. If an answer exists, we’ll need each other to figure it out.”
Yeah. Snort. I was sure that would work just fine with whatever he had planned for the next meet.
I turned my back on him to slam the boot closed. “How about we skip to the end? You’re unworthy, Sascha Greyson. There’s not a chance in hell I’d ever choose you.”
4
I paced inside Herc’s office, breaths shallow. This was the first time I’d faced the stewards since the day at the lake. They knew I didn’t belong in this position. And like Rhona, they didn’t even know the truth.
I shook my hands out, exhale shaking.
The point of visiting my old apartment was to decompress. After the run in with Sascha, I was a mess.
I couldn’t be a mess.
This was crucial.
Yet trying to not be a mess was just making me more of a mess.
Fuck.
The door opened, and Rhona stepped in. “Everyone’s here. It’s your turn.”
No.
I’d reached my limit. “I can’t do it.”
Glancing over her shoulder, she closed the door. “That’s unfortunate, because you need to get your ass on that stage.”
“I’ve played in the grid twice. Why the hell would anyone listen to me?”
Why didn’t I go with Timber? Something safe. Something I didn’t need to justify.
I could see it now. A sea of blank faces as they wondered why I’d bitten off the hardest grid out of the gate.
“I fucked up.” I thumped my forehead against the bookshelf ladder.
“You convinced the head team,” Rhona said. “And me.”
Except the anger fuelling me all week had chosen now to disappear. I’d used it all against Sascha Greyson. Mothershitter.
I sank to the floor, shoving my head between my knees. “I’m not doing it. Can you go out and make an excuse? I’m unwell.”
“You can’t be hearing yourself.” She pulled my arms away. “All week, you’ve said we need to be confident and unified. What the hell do you think this message will tell our stewards?”
That I sucked. I was past caring.
This was my breaking point.
Gripping my wrists, Rhona clenched her jaw, scanning my face. “Get up.”
I stayed put.
“Get up and put on my clothes,” she said, sighing.
Jerking my head up, I took in her tight black cargos and long-sleeved, fitted top. She had a red cap on that read Go Fork Yourself.
My steel-grey full-length jumpsuit was about as opposite as could be from her outfit.
I rose on trembling legs. “You think it’ll work?”
“No idea. But the tribe needs to see you tonight. And their looks of pity are grinding my gears. You be me. I’ll be you. Win-win. What do I say?”
I rushed through the points of my intended speech, watching her nod at intervals as we switched clothing.
I raked my hair into a ponytail. She pulled hers free.
“You’ll need to say it like me.” I pressed my hands into my cheeks. Shit, this was ballsy, but I just needed to not be me for five seconds.
“I’ve heard you say this stuff at meetings already. Piece of cake.”
Why the hell did Herc name me as heir? Rhona was perfect.
“You better head out first,” she said.
I fixed the red cap on and set a scowl in place. Thinking of Rhona’s expression, I injected some sadness into my eyes and left the manor. Tilting my chin, I strode through the midst of the gathered stewards.
Everyone was in attendance by the looks. Only one representative from each family was required on Tuesday evenings, but I couldn’t condemn their curiosity or their need for reassurance.
People nodded at me, moving out of the way. Crap, what I’d give to be Rhona. The way people looked at her. They respected her ability in Grids. They knew her.
I wanted that so much.
Ignoring their adoration, I moved to the front and stood at ease beside Pascal. She slid me a look, but I didn’t allow my mask to waver.
“Is she coming?” the grey-haired marshal asked.
I cracked my neck. “She wouldn’t miss it.”
Shame swirled in my gut for an instant before I banished it. Seriously, how much shit could someone take?
Just this once I wanted someone else to do the hard stuff.
There had to be some perks to having an almost twin.
The crowd quietened, and I watched Rhona walk out of the manor. She smiled at those gathered, stopping to talk with a few on the way. Shaking hands and touching shoulders, she moved through the crowds.
I mean, yes, I probably would do that…
But creepy.
What if we’d actually grown up together?
Oh, and I had to play my part. “Three cheers for our new head steward! Hip-hip!”
The first hooray was carried by those closest to me, but the second was triple the volume, and the third was a boom that rivalled the starting cannon in Grids.
Rhona reached me and we hugged.
“Did you just give yourself three cheers?” she whispered.
“Couldn’t pass up the opportunity.” I held her tight. What would I do without her? “Thank you.”
“Always, remember?”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “Always.”
Without a care in the world, my sister continued to the stage and microphone, and no one batted an eyelash.
She tapped the mic. “Stewards of the Ni Tiaki. Welcome to our tribal lands. Welcome. In the last two weeks, we have faced the loss of a much-loved leader. We lost a man who dedicated his life to this cause. Before we go further tonight, I’d like to lead a minute’s silence for Hercules Thana. Please, link hands and join me.”
Rhona deserved to say these words, not me.
I held Pascal’s hand and turned to find Wade on the other side.
The minute was a slight breeze and a rustle of trees set against the last notes of bird song. Exactly what Herc deserved.
But Sascha’s voice edged into my mind. He was dangerous for you.
Lie.
Herc wouldn’t have killed me. He wasn’t a killer.
“He’s with us in the air and in the trees.” Rhona’s voice broke. She cleared her throat. “He remains with us in the company of our ancestors for all time. To my father, Hercules Thana.”
I murmured his name with the other stewards, wondering if the horrible shame filling me would ever ebb.
Wade ran his thumb over the pads of my palm, and I yanked free, shooting him a glare.
“To this week’s game.” Rhona’s voice boomed across the manicured lawn.
Was this how she saw me? How everyone saw me? If not, they wouldn’t just stand there, hanging on her every word, right?
Seeing myself through another person was weird. Humbling. And I felt stupid for freaking out. My tribe didn’t want to see me fail.
How easily I’d forgotten that we were all linked.
The stewards were my community.
My people.
“The Luthers expected us to choose Timber,” Rhona said. “As you know, I chose Water. There’s a wealth of knowledge within the head and strategy teams that I must adjunct with my own learning to truly serve you as a leader. That learning starts with Water. I can’t deny that there has been massive change in our tribe. The wolves are circling, wondering if my father’s death has weakened us. This week, I have an unusual request. This week, we won’t focus on winning the grid.”