A slight trembling breath passes my lips. "She was in the way. She wasn't going to let me take them. I just want to get home."
"She's alive you know."
I know that. I knew that in the moment, too. She's breathing just as everyone else is. And it is likely that she'll wake up long before anyone else does. She'll be confused... concussed... and nursing a wicked headache.
"Still, I feel terrible. I didn't mean to do it."
Bugs chirp, oblivious of us until I bring my foot down roughly and crack a twig with my heel. The static white noise of the waves hitting rhythmically against the shore isn't far off. The pirates waiting for our victory that much closer.
"And that, Briar, is what makes you better. You have a moral compass." I stay close enough to him as he talks that if I reach out, I could brush the stubs of his wings. Lincoln's following sigh blends in with the crash of waves. All smiles faded to a solemn expression. "You did what you had to do in the moment. Don't dwell on it. But don't let yourself forget it either. You'll make a good queen, Briar."
"You really think so?"
"Yes."
Stars dot the sky now, the moon taking its position above us. Even from the edge of the forest I can see a pirate perched in the crow’s nest, scanning the beach with a long scope drawn up to their eye. The lens quickly stills on us and she practically drops the telescope as she leans over the edge and calls to her fellow crew members.
I turn to Ziko and study his face. The peaks of his features highlighted with the moon-cast shadows across half his face. Even the stars reflect in the pool of his eyes. He can taste my questions. He knows the words stuck behind my teeth, waiting for me to say them. Focused on me, he dares me to say them too.
"And do you think you'll be a good king?" I finally whisper, quieter than the noise of the night.
"I am no king."
Ziko hardly moves. I edge a hair closer, hungry for his warmth.
"You have to stop saying stuff like that. I claim you. You are my king. King of Shadow Fae."
He blinks rapidly, his shoulders rigid at the thought. "I am... commander of The Shadow Guard."
"I claim you," I repeat. The words make goosebumps form over my skin. My hands tremble at my sides until I stubbornly cross them. "And do you claim me?"
"Yes."
Our eyes remain locked until he purses his lips to hold in his smile. He holds the pieces, the keys to our journey home, tighter and kicks the sand as he walks back to the ship.
Tomorrow we'll be on our way to meet The Lost Queen. I can only hope she's ready to meet The Mortal Queen.
Five
Foodgasm
A small twig of a woman took the pieces from our hands, mumbling her thanks. Captain Beatrice stomped the deck of the ship, spouting orders full of excitement. All that had yet to die down.
There is a fury that captivates the pirates, an excitement that comes with the restoration of their ship. To be stuck on the sands of this beach for as long as they have, I'm surprised that they've stayed sane. Pirates belong on the open ocean... it's just what they do.
Lincoln and I settle against the worn boards, our backs against the railing, the only thing keeping us from toppling overboard. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I let out a long low breath.
"After all that... it's nice to just sit." I offer a smile. The guilt that plagues me is still tight in my belly. All I can offer myself is the promise that one day I'll do better. Be better.
With his shoulders tensed, Ziko lets his legs go straight before him. A crew member quickly leaps over his feet as she passes with a goofy grin spread over her face. His hair, curling messily at the ends, flattens to his skull as he tips his head back against one of the many wooden posts and looks up to the sky.
I follow his gaze. Stars twinkle and wink with perfect clarity. The sky’s the darkest shade of black muddled with a crisp navy blue. The only real light is the half crescent moon partially hidden by fluffy clouds. There isn't a street light or the glow of the city to block out my view. There's truly nothing like it.
There is something about sitting in nature, about enjoying the view and resting in its perfection, that brings a calm to the soul. And my soul needs it right about now. Perhaps Lincoln's even more.
Our bond, the mental tie that keeps our thoughts so messily tangled, makes his pain mine and mine his. Though empathy may not be Lincoln's strong suit, I have enough to share. I'd like to think that this bond makes him a little bit more... human. Whether he likes it or not. And I highly doubt he likes it.
Without a thought, my hand falls from my knees. My fingers brush against Lincoln's hand, his skin burning hot despite the cold wind that ruffles the sails still bundled against the mast. He pulls away.
The small rejection stings, even though I know that it's justified. Still, I can't help but stare at the sharp cut of his jaw, the shadow of a beard, and his upturned gaze just to see through it all. To feel the broken shell of a man he is right now. Though his rough edges haven't fallen too far away to pick back up, part of him remains numb.
I hate that. I fucking hate it.
"It's nice working as a team," I whisper. "I missed you so much while I was in the Iron Court, it's almost embarrassing to admit."
He folds his hands in his lap, rolling his thumbs over one another again and again. He doesn't turn his gaze from the never-ending sky.
"Without you...The Shadow Court felt... empty." His teeth rake over his bottom lip. "There was an influx of Shadow Fae that stumbled into the mansion. An influx of deaths." His voice drops to a hush quieter than the wind. "All of them were just like you."
"Like me?"
"Shadow Fae, with their magic bound and hidden." Lincoln lifts one hand, his finger hovering an inch away from my wings as he mimics the shape of them in the air.
I press my eyes closed, trying to bury my lust filled thoughts. Touch them. My body begs betraying my mind and the careful way I want to help Lincoln heal.
"None of them even had a chance to get their wings."
"Oh." I open my eyes.
"Everybody I found, every investigation I opened to find evidence of Bellion’s wrong doings... all led to nothing. Cordelia acts as if she doesn't know who could possibly be behind it but she also doesn't care to stop it. Every girl...," he breathes, "every girl started to look like you. Their bodies limp and fragile on the floor. The blood stains...I didn't want to open my mind. I didn't want to be closer with you. If I did then your death would only hurt that much worse. I've claimed you though I know it will bring you shame. Maybe I hate myself for it, I'm not sure. Now you've claimed me... and it makes me so... so happy." His hands shake but he wraps them around his stomach quickly. "We are dangerous." His eyes flash in warning. He turns to me quickly. "I can feel it."
I nod my head because I know exactly what he is talking about. "I'd burn the entire world down before I ever let someone take you away from me."
Slowly, with the creeping length of the warm sunrise, a smile lifts his lips. It doesn't reach his eyes. And my heart shatters just a little bit more.
"Can we talk about what happened?" My voice shakes. The subject is a fragile eggshell that we've so far walked around in every way we can. But we can't clean up the mess that was made without touching it.