But bringing up a relationship seemed like too much too soon. Sure, we had both grown up, but we couldn't have been in two situations more different if we tried. One conversation about something more than a chance meeting could end up the same way it had when we broke up. I shuddered at the thought. That fight had broken my heart deeper than anything else ever had. I didn't think I could go through that again.
“All right, all right enough of this. You’re standing there, shaking with all the thoughts buzzing through your head. Relax and get some sleep. I brought you this from the party.” She slipped a small bottle of wine out from a bag slung over her shoulder and set it onto the kitchen counter as she made her way to the door. “Enjoy it. I know you aren’t a big drinker but unwind. You need it.”
And with that and a wink, Anna was out the door. I heard my friend walking over the gravel pathway. I waited until the footsteps completely disappeared before getting up to examine the gift. It was a dessert wine filled with sugar and sweetness and bubbles—my favorite. She must have remembered from our passing conversation. It was still cold, and definitely worth having a glass of.
I took the pink liquid directly to the edge of one of my coffee mugs, a white one with a bumblebee and “nice” written below it in cursive, and took that up to bed along with my phone. As I sat enjoying my drink, I scrolled through a folder that I hadn’t opened in a very long time—a folder with all the pictures I had saved of Andre and me, or just of Andre from when we were a couple.
I found herself flicking through the hundreds of pictures, long after my mug was empty. Eventually, when my eyes could no longer keep themselves open, I fell asleep with my phone on my chest—open to a picture of the two of us, arm in arm, smiling happily at the photographer.
9
Andre
I couldn’t help but feel giddy. Light-hearted and also light-headed, like I was walking on bubbles. Every time I moved, I thought of her and how much potential existed between us again, that maybe it wasn’t too late. She was what I wanted.
The next morning I had gotten up early, which was weird for me. I usually loved sleeping in, the soft covers surrounding me, the darkness of blackout shades despite the clock reading noon. It was the peak of luxury to me, but now? Now I wanted to be awake every second of the day. There was always something to do, something to learn, and somewhere to be.
At the end of the day, no matter how long I tried to deny it, I only ever had one goal—Lillian.
She had been on my mind since the day she left for college. I never stopped thinking about her. Even through the money, the success, the women, I still thought of her. I had thought about it for some time. I wondered if I should ask William for his approval. William was still my friend, and I respected him, so I hoped for his blessing, too. The last thing I wanted was for us to return home as lovers and have William kick my ass. Like he could anyway.
I decided not to wait and headed over to the main house. There was a landline in its own little sitting-room since cell signal was basically non-existent. The phone rang a few times.
I hadn't thought about the time. I hadn’t bothered to think that he might still be sleeping. After a few minutes of ringing, a groggy and disgruntled voice answered the phone. He sounded waist-deep in pillows and blankets as lush as the ones I had left back at home.
“What do you want,” growled the voice on the other end.
“Hey, good morning, William. Sorry to bother you. It’s Andre. How are you?”
“Stop wasting my time. What do you want?” he barked.
He was even more fierce than before. Had he always been that way? No, certainly not. I would have remembered that. I couldn’t have tolerated that… Or could I have?
“Oh, sure… Um, so I just wanted to ask you a question. I wanted to see if you would be all right if I—” I was cut off by a massive sigh so loud and directly into the mouthpiece that I couldn’t hear myself talk.
“Get on with it, dude. It's like, what? 7 am? Spit it out, Jesus Christ.”
“Okay, so I am on vacation, and Lillian is here. Do you care if I date her?” I spat out the sentence.
I couldn’t stop myself. I wanted to ask nicely but had no idea why William was acting that way. I had a hard time believing he had always been such a jackass. Then again, Lilian had said she didn't speak to him, that he had become obsessive. On the one hand, I wanted to think that time had turned him into that monster.
But on the other hand, something else began to nag at me. I was quite possible he had always been that way. That I just hadn't noticed in the past because…well, I had been just as callous.
“Lillian? Where the hell are you?” he demanded of me.
I could only stutter for a split second before he interrupted me again.
“Get her home. She left like a coward because she didn’t want to do any hard work. I want her back here, and I want her in this business with the rest of her family.”
“Okay, well, like, hang on one second.” I tried to get a word in edgewise. I could practically feel the foam he was slinging from the corners of his mouth like a rabid dog. “I can’t control her. She’s her own person. She seems really happy here, isn’t that enough?”
“Enough? What’s enough? Having some vagrant freeloader for a sister? No, that’s not enough. What do I care if she’s happy? She isn’t making money. What an embarrassment.”
The whoosh of the fabric came through the line as he threw back his sheets. He must’ve finally dragged himself out of bed. He was grumbling and swearing under his breath, hissing words like a venomous snake.
“Okay, all right. Listen, man, I will do what I can, but I can’t make any promises. She is working here, you know. She is really happy, and I don’t know if I’m ready to be the one to take that from her.”
“Great, then you know what you have to do if you want my blessing.” There was a slam of a door and then silence. He had hung up on me.
We always used to be friends. What the hell?
I took a bit of time for myself that morning to put some distance between that terrible interaction and the rest of my day. I watched the silver sky change and move as the day chased away the night. I needed to reflect. The more I thought about that conversation, the more it bothered me. Had I been like William? Was that why people always treated me a certain way?
People at my company always treated me “quickly,” if that made any sense. I thought they were just efficient, but really, it must have been because they wanted to spend as little time with me as possible. They didn’t want to risk any more exposure to someone like me than they absolutely had to.
I could be different. I could change—I vowed to; that was never who I wanted to be. Besides, Rosemary Farm made it seem so easy to make improvements. Greg was right; I felt more centered, more like myself. And it was a version of me I hadn’t realized I’d been missing.
Summer had started to pass quicker than either of us had cared to admit. Lillian had spent the days working and doing her usual chores. She took care of the horses, taught guests, and kept the farm beautiful and neat, and she loved every single minute of it.
She especially loved time with her new family. Anna was like an older sister to her, someone who she was able to go to for guidance and help. I made sure to fit myself in wherever I could in her busy schedule. It was evident we both cherished our time together, and we got to know each other even more.