7
Kate
I spent a whole week plagued with the memories of Ben and I accidentally tumbling into bed together. The problem was … it wasn’t an accident on his part. He knew exactly what he was doing, and I was left with the aftermath.
I would never admit that his suspicions were spot on. It had been a long time since I had been with a guy. I didn’t exactly know that might have been to blame for some of my erratic behavior lately, but if that’s how I behaved when I was sex-deprived … I didn’t want to know what I would do in this new state of being sex-crazed.
That one incredibly hot, satisfying night with him, followed by the reminder of what it was like to sleep next to the comforting warmth of a man’s body, had completely unraveled me. I managed to keep it all at bay enough to focus at work, but barely. Then when I got off in the evenings, it was game over. My mind was devoured with the sticky, melting memories of his chiseled muscles moving over me. The taste of his lips and the manly scent of his sweating skin. It was perverse and divinely addictive all at once.
I paced my apartment, waiting for him to pick me up, and tried to get my one-track mind back under control. I could not let it happen again. Ben was an admitted player, and I was a serial monogamist … Well, I used to be one. Back when I had time for a boyfriend.
My phone dinged, making me jump from nerves. Ben had texted to let me know he was waiting out front, and my heart pounded so hard I thought it might leap straight up into my throat. The ride down in the elevator felt like it lasted an eternity. I looked over and swore I could still see the smudge of one of my handprints from our makeout session behind those very doors.
“Doesn’t anyone ever clean this thing!?” I huffed, violently scrubbing it with a fistful of my shirt to make it go away.
While Ben’s cool smiling face in the front seat was disarming, I quickly turned my attention to my lifesaver, Olivia … who bore that title for the day in more ways than one. Not only was she saving my ass at work, but she was my only hope of distraction for surviving the day with Ben.
“Hey there, sweet thing!” I waved, a little too excitedly, at her through the window. She smiled with her mostly toothless grin and waved back.
“See?” he said as I slid into the passenger’s seat. “Just like I said. We’re adults. We went our separate ways and now it’s Saturday … and here I am. Here we are.”
“Why do I get the feeling you refrained from bugging me all week just to prove a point?” I grumbled.
“Hey, I have a life too, you know. I was busy with work.”
I buckled my seatbelt and stared straight ahead. “Let’s just get this over with.”
Chuck, Greg, and their families had reserved one of the pavilions at the park and decorated it with balloons. The guys were gathered around the grill while the wives sat at one of the tables and gossiped. The kids ran around at the nearby playground equipment like screaming banshees. I delighted in the disheartened look Chuck gave me when we walked up. See, Chuck. I wasn’t lying. I do have a fiancé with a kid. Or at least I do as far as you know.
After greeting everyone and making sure they all got a good look at Olivia, proving she existed, we found ourselves at the edge of the party. I had no desire to mingle with the wives, and Ben seemed to feel the same about the guys. Olivia was a tad too young to rough house with the older kids, so we plopped her in the sand box with Ben and I perched at the edge around her.
I felt accomplished after successfully teaching her how to shovel the sand without sending it all flying into our faces. She looked pretty pleased with her new skill too as she giggled and dug a big clump up with her shovel, watching it all slide down into her bucket.
“That’s it, Olivia! Look at what a good job you’re doing!” I was surprised by the high-pitched squeal my voice took on. I noticed other people always doing that with kids, I just never realized I was capable of it. When, in fact, it seemed to come quite naturally to me.
Playing with her in general came more naturally than I expected, and I was surprised at how much fun we were both having. It got me thinking about if I would ever have kids of my own one day … and if so, when would I have the time?
Ben reached down and let Olivia wrap her little chunky fingers around his, waving them around with a smile. As anti-kid as I thought I had always been, he certainly had to be worse than I was.
“So how come you’re not married anyways?” I asked finally. “With kids and the big house and the whole deal? Someone like you could certainly afford it.”
“Someone like me?” he laughed. “Marriage and kids shouldn’t be an issue of money. My bank account has nothing to do with it. I’m not that kind of guy. That’s why.”
I glanced over to Greg and Chuck, commiserating in their lawn chairs and smoking cigars. Their wives seemed to be having a deep, troubling conversation of some kind. And all of their kids behaved like obnoxious brats. It left me with the dangerous thought...What happened when people who didn’t want their lives had kids anyway? Was it something different than the miserable, comedic stories they all shared?
Maybe, just maybe, it was more like what we were doing just then. Just sitting around, playing in the sand, and enjoying the beautiful weather on a Saturday afternoon. Laughing and having a good time.
“I think I might want kids one day,” I admitted finally. “With the right person.”
“Anything can happen,” he replied.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean!? You think it’s so far-fetched for me to be a mother?”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he laughed. “I was talking about myself. I never planned on having kids. But I don’t think you should plan that kind of thing anymore than you should plan on getting married. Then you start looking for someone just to check the things off the list. You settle. I think you find the person first, then decide what kind of life you want to have together.”
“But you do think you’ll find a person? Like just one?”
His eyes sparked up at me. “Like I said. Anything can happen.”
I sucked in a sharp breath and turned my attention back to my Olivia. Once again, my saving grace. I couldn’t let my brain run wild with crazy fantasies about any potential with Ben. Why would I want to? Sure, he was dynamite in the sack. Best I ever had. But he was a jerk. A ladies man. Definitely not for me.
But later in the afternoon, while I did my best to suck up to Greg and the others, I looked across the park to see Ben playing with Olivia. He let her run away from him, screaming and giggling, before charging towards her and scooping her up in his arms. No woman, not even me, could watch a thing like that and not melt a little inside.
“You must be awfully excited,” Kathy said.
I hadn’t noticed her standing there, watching me as I watched them. “Huh?”
“To be marrying into that,” she smiled, turning her face towards them in the distance. “He seems like a great dad. He’s handsome too.”
“He does seem like a great dad, doesn’t he?” I mumbled. “I mean, he is! He definitely is a great dad. Because … I’ve watched them together a lot.”