“Well, you already made yourself look like a total psycho in front of me, and you survived.”
“Thanks for the reminder.” She sank back into the seat, looking hopeless.
As I put the car into park, I turned to stare at the enormous manor from top to bottom. It had to have been three or four stories high, complete with elaborate landscaping out front, a huge fountain, and a pool and accompanying pool house in the back.
“Damn,” I grunted with a long whistle. “This is a nice place. Why exactly are you living in that tiny run-down apartment while this guy is in a mansion? Aren’t you just a few ranks down from him?”
She looked out her own window, pulling her purse up over her shoulder. “This promotion would fix that. But my boss probably thinks Chuck deserves the significant bump in pay more just because he has a wife and kids to provide for. Nevermind that I work ten times harder than him every single day.”
I reached out and grabbed her hand, which brought a slight look of alarm to her face. “Hey, that’s what I’m here for. The playing field is even now. Let’s go wow ‘em. And remember … Smile. Look happy. We’re so in love and getting married.”
She nodded and opened the passenger’s side door. I followed behind her, placing my hand on the small of her back. She tensed up and inched away, grumbling through clenched teeth. “What are you doing!?”
“We’re engaged,” I reminded her yet again. “I’ve never had a fiancé, but call me crazy … I think they actually show each other affection and kiss and stuff. If you look nauseated any time I touch you, they’re going to see straight through our whole ploy.”
“Fine,” she groaned, moving close again. “And anyway. I’m not nauseated. I wanted to date you, remember? It’s your arrogant, egotistical personality that turns me off.”
“Thanks, sweetie. I love you, too.”
“Whatever,” she rolled her eyes.
I would have shot something else clever back, but almost as soon as she knocked on the door, a man and woman answered. They looked like they were in their fifties and wore giant, cheesy smiles that suddenly had me feeling like I was the one who was going to be sick to my stomach.
“Kate!” the man exclaimed. “Glad you could make it. And you must be Ben.”
“Sure am,” I shook his hand firmly.
They ushered us into their expensively decorated home. A string of screaming kids bolted in one end of the room and out the other in a flash, which Kate and I both watched with terror and discomfort.
“Kids,” his wife laughed, shaking her head.
“I guess you know all about that!” Greg said to me. “Kate tells me you have a little one yourself. Where is she tonight?”
Oh, right. Almost forgot I’m a fiancé and a father in this scenario …
“With a sitter. She’s only one, so her table manners aren’t the best,” I explained quickly, reaching for the phone in my back pocket. “But I can show you pictures if you …”
“Well, I’ll be. It’s true!” A man appeared behind them, laughing. “Hey there, I’m Chuck. Wow. To be honest, when I heard about Kate’s secret fiancé, I kind of thought the whole thing was made up.”
Kate laughed awkwardly while I let out a sigh of relief that no one actually wanted to see pictures of Olivia. I knew I had them on my phone somewhere, but finding ones without Joey and Angel in them would be tricky. Not to mention all the pics of nude girls sprinkled in between - souvenirs from my one night stands … all taken with permission, of course.
I shook Chuck’s hand as we all filed into the dining room, taking our seats around the table. The conversation was mind-numbingly boring, but Kate and I managed to smile and nod to keep up appearances.
“Kate, it’s so wonderful that you’re going to be a step-mother to Ben’s little one,” Greg’s wife Kathy smiled over dessert. “You let us know if you need any advice or tips! Diane and I are veterans and we’ll be more than happy to help you through mommy bootcamp. Do you two plan on having kids of your own as well?”
Kate damn near choked on a bite of pie in response to the question. I placed my hand on her back and took the liberty of responding, “That’s yet to be determined. We’ll have a lot to adjust to before we can think that far ahead.”
They seemed satisfied enough with the response, but seeing how uncomfortable Kate was gave me an idea for having a little more fun.
“But I know I personally would love to have three or four more,” I added.
She coughed even harder, raising concern around the table. “I’m okay,” she croaked with a bright red face. She quickly grabbed a glass of water to wash it all down. “Like he said … there’s a lot to adjust to before we can get that far.”
“Well, it’s marvelous that you have the one to start out with,” Diane beamed. “What’s her name?”
“Olivia.”
“Beautiful,” she replied with a dreamy sigh.
“You know, before you got here we were just discussing a picnic at the park this Saturday,” Chuck told us. I could tell by how carefully he watched our expressions that he was more skeptical than anyone about Kate and my sudden engagement. “You should bring Olivia! She could play with the other kids.”
“Oh, yes!” Diane clapped her hands by his side. “I would love to meet the little dear.”
“Uh … this Saturday?” Kate wrinkled her brows. “Well, you know … this Saturday … uh, I think we have a family function to attend. So sorry.”
I could have let it go. Everyone seemed convinced enough. But getting under her skin was giving me a thrill I hadn’t known in a long time. And I secretly kind of loved the excuse to put my hands on her and be near her. I thought it might be fun to drag things out a little longer. And anyway, it would only help her sell the lie to her co-workers. Though I didn’t know why she wanted to work with such insufferably boring people.
“Oh no, sweetie. That got canceled, remember?” I shot her a sly grin.
She whipped around, darkening her eyes at me. “What?” she growled in my direction.
“The barbecue at my parents’ house was canceled. So, we’d love to join you all at the picnic. Olivia would have a blast,” I smiled wide.
Kate’s nostrils flared, but everyone else was so pleased that she had to plaster on a smile and play along. “Great! That settles it then. A picnic with the kids. So great. Looking forward to it.”
“How is Kate with Olivia anyway?” Greg blurted. “I never thought you were into kids.”
Kate’s face instantly sank again. I had to admit, it was kind of a dick thing to blurt out like that in front of everyone. No wonder she was struggling to get ahead while working with these jerks.
“I just wanted to have a career first is all,” she defended, looking to Diane and Kathy. “Surely you two understand what it would be like trying to work and take care of the kids.”
“Oh, god,” they winced in unison.
“It’d be a nightmare!” Kathy marveled. “I don’t know how women do it. So, you’ll be staying home then when you have more kids of your own? Or after the wedding?”