The reception had gotten a little bit crazy—in a fun kind of way. The dancing-on-the-beach part hadn’t been planned, but once everyone had indulged in a few adult beverages at the bar, quite a few guests were more than willing to participate in Andie’s spontaneous salsa lessons. Including me. We’d danced until we’d nearly dropped before we’d sought out a quiet place to chat.
I eyed her suspiciously. “Why? Is something wrong?”
Maybe I knew that her cancer wasn’t at all likely to pop back up, but I was instantly anxious anyway, just because I knew she’d been through so much.
She shook her head. “Nothing is wrong. But I think I’m finally ready to find out if I have any chance of having a child someday. It’s quite possible that all of the treatment I had during my cancer made me infertile. If it did, I want to know.”
My heart ached for Andie. All of her suffering should have been over, but apparently it wasn’t. She was still pondering what damage the chemo and radiation had done to her body. “Do you want to have a child?” I asked gently.
She hesitated before answering. “Several months ago, I would have said no. But now that I’ve found Noah, I guess I want to know if that option is on the table in the future . . . or not.”
I cocked my head as I looked at her, feeling slightly confused. “So Noah wants to have a child?”
“I don’t know,” she answered. “We haven’t really discussed it much, but if it’s absolutely impossible, he should know, right? Noah kind of swept me off my feet, but it’s something I should have thought about before I married him. I should have asked. What if he ends up wanting to have kids, and I can’t?”
“Oh, Andie,” I said softly. “Haven’t you seen the way Noah looks at you? You’re everything to him. If he’s never asked, he obviously doesn’t give a damn whether you have kids or not. I think the man just wants . . . you. Maybe a child would be a bonus someday if you both want it, but you’re not stressing over this, are you?”
She flopped back into her lounger with a sigh. “I think I am. Sometimes everything just feels so good with Noah that it’s almost too good to be true. I never thought I’d get this kind of happily ever after. At one time, I didn’t think I was even going to live long enough to fall in love. Now that it’s happened, it’s almost terrifying. Even this party scared the hell out of me, because I was meeting all of his family from Maine for the first time, and every one of them is filthy rich. There’s even a celebrity or two thrown into that mix.”
“And look how good that turned out,” I reminded her. “I met his East Coast relatives. They’re all really nice. I have to admit that meeting Xander Sinclair was a little surreal. I had a mega crush on the guy at one time, and I’ve always loved his music. But he surprised me. He seems so grounded and normal for a guy who was such a huge rock star.”
“I know,” she said with a groan. “They all hugged me and welcomed me to the family like they really meant it.”
I rolled my eyes as I leaned back in my lounger. “They did mean it, Andie. You’re an amazing woman. They’re lucky to have you in their family.”
I had no idea when Andie had become so unsure of herself. She generally had balls of steel, and wouldn’t be intimidated by someone with money since she wasn’t exactly poor herself.
My guess was that it wasn’t the family that really unsettled her. It was the thought of losing Noah for any reason, because she loved him so damn much.
“I guess I’m setting myself up to deal with disappointment in case something happens,” she confessed, confirming my suspicions. “Nothing this good has ever happened to me, Layla. And I never imagined having a guy like Noah for a husband. He’d do just about anything to make me happy, and nobody has ever cared about me that much.”
I felt my eyes well up with tears as I considered her situation. Honestly, she was a lot like me, and came from a background of neglect. Andie’s parents had never given a damn about her, and she didn’t really have any other close family. She was also an only child who had grown up lonely. “You’re long overdue for somebody who does love you that way,” I told her. “Don’t sabotage the relationship because you’re afraid, Andie. You’ll get used to it. It’s just so . . . new. But have you noticed that every single Sinclair male looks at his wife the same way Noah looks at you? Yeah, they’re intense, but I certainly can’t fault any of them for being desperately in love with the women they married.”
Andie snorted. “I’m starting to think it’s a Sinclair thing. Once they fall in love, they’re pretty much doomed. They have to make sure the women they love are safe, loved, and happy, or they won’t be content, either.”
“You’ll never convince me that it’s a bad trait for them to have,” I responded.
What woman didn’t want a guy to really give a damn about her happiness?
“It’s not,” she admitted. “You’re right. I’m just not used to it. But I want Noah to be happy, too. It goes both ways. I guess that’s why I’m worried that he might want to have kids someday, and that I might not be physically capable of giving him that. Plus, I’ve kind of changed my mind about having children myself. I’m not quite ready for that yet, but I might be in the future if Noah wants it, too.”
As a friend, I wanted to tell Andie that everything would be fine.
But as a medical practitioner, I knew that her worries weren’t completely irrational.
There was a chance she could be infertile, especially considering how aggressively they’d needed to fight her cancer.
“Let it go for now,” I advised. “Enjoy your very long honeymoon, and we’ll deal with that issue when you get back. Is there any chance you can get Boston to send me your medical records?” It would help if I knew exactly how much and what kinds of chemo and radiation she’d been through.
“I definitely can,” she confirmed. “I’m just not sure you’re going to love going through all those files.”
“I can handle it,” I assured her as I smiled. “I think you should talk to Noah while you’re away. I’m sure he can convince you that he’s not going to be disappointed if you can’t have a child someday.”
“I think you’re probably right, Layla. He did spend all of his adult life raising his siblings.”
“What do you want?” I asked.
“Him. I just want Noah. I think I’d be okay either way.”
“I think he would, too, so I think you should talk about it.”
She took a deep breath and exhaled. “I will. I know I sound a little crazy—”
“You’re not crazy,” I interrupted. “You should know if it’s an option, but I don’t want you to feel like the answer to that question is going to change your relationship with Noah. It won’t.”
“How did you get so damn wise?” she asked.
I laughed. “Women’s health is my specialty.”
“Yeah, so speaking of your work, is everything okay between you and Owen? I know you don’t really want to talk about what happened between the two of you, but I think you should give the man a break, Layla. I think he’s a little hurt and confused. Put him out of his misery and talk to him. Whatever happened, he’s still a good man. Not many people would stick by a friend like he stayed with me. Yeah, he’s a pain in the ass like most men can be sometimes, but Owen has a huge heart. I think that’s what makes him such a good doctor, but it’s also his Achilles’ heel. Seeing so much human suffering ate him up sometimes. He just can’t distance himself enough all the time, so there were some cases that ate him alive.”