It’s almost a relief when my home tutor, Judy, gets here and I can think of something else. She sits on the wicker chair in my room, runs her hand through her thick dark hair, and adjusts her big glasses as she checks my attempts at some math problems. I’m panicking that I’m getting so far behind at school.
“I want you to give me more work, Judy,” I tell her. “I’m not doing enough. How am I ever going to catch up?”
“You can only do what you can do,” she says. “I don’t want to give you too much. It will stress you out, and that’ll set you back further. But you’re doing okay, and you are getting better. You couldn’t have done math like this a few weeks ago.”
“My head is less fuzzy,” I agree, “but, Judy, I’m so far behind! Even if I get back to school, how will I get caught up?”
“Maybe you could cut down on the number of classes?” she suggests.
I shake my head. “I don’t want to give any up.”
“Or you could perhaps stay in tenth grade, repeat the year.”
“Never,” I say emphatically. “Can you imagine how awful that would be? I want to be with my friends.”
“Don’t think about it now,” Judy tells me. “Keep working like you are and get plenty of rest, too. Just focus on one day at a time.”
It’s easy for her to say, but the thought of repeating tenth grade, while my friends move on without me, is more than I can take. I won’t let that happen. I have to get better and back to school as soon as possible. If Judy won’t give me more work, then I will get it from Ellie.
Once Judy’s gone, I work hard on more math, but I’m exhausted, and I don’t manage as much as I’d hoped. My eyes are drooping. I wish I had more energy and could concentrate better. But Judy has said that I’m improving. So that gives me hope.
* * *
The next day, Ellie is due to visit, and this time I’m determined to remember to tell her about the girl, since I’m positive she’ll be able to help me think it through. But when she arrives she’s with Lia, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Lia’s in our grade, but I don’t know her that well. We’ve never been friends.
“You were moaning that no one else comes to see you, so I brought Lia,” Ellie tells me. “We’ve been working together in drama. We’ve done this sketch—you really should see it. It’s hilarious! We might even do it in the show next semester!”
She exchanges glances with Lia, and they both start giggling. They’re clearly waiting for me to ask them to perform it for me. I feel a tingle of jealousy that they seem so close. I wonder if Lia’s trying to replace me as Ellie’s bestie—but I am also curious about this sketch.
“You going to show me then?” I ask.
“Okay—with any luck a laugh will do you good and not tire you out,” Ellie says, grinning.
The sketch has me in stitches—I laugh so much that I ache. It may hurt physically, but I do feel better inside.
“Do you think you’ll be back at school soon?” Lia asks, when we can finally speak again.
I shrug. “I hope so.”
“You must be so bored stuck in here,” she says. “Or have you been doing some writing? That story you wrote was so terrific—it’s fantastic that you’ve won that competition!”
She sounds genuinely happy for me, and my feelings toward her soften.
“I don’t really feel up to writing,” I tell her. “I’m sure I will get back to it soon, though.”
“Lia and I are going to Dimitri’s New Year’s Eve party!” Ellie says.
“Dimitri’s? But you can’t stand him!”
“Oh—he’s all right. Lots of people are going.”
“Could be fun, I guess.”
“Yeah, well, I’ll tell you how it goes,” Ellie says, laughing.
“Who throws up where and when, you mean?” Lia giggles.
Ellie turns to me. “Remember that time at Erin’s party, Kas?” She grins. “When you had to rescue me?”
“What happened?” asks Lia.
It takes a few seconds, but eventually the memory comes flooding back. “Oh, yeah! You got locked in the bathroom!” I laugh.
“There was someone in the downstairs bathroom, so I had to go upstairs,” Ellie tells Lia. “Then the door wouldn’t open and I was yelling and yelling—but the music was so loud no one heard me.”
“And I was dancing with Serene and Erin,” I say, “and waiting for you, and you took forever, so in the end I came up to look for you and heard you shouting!”
“So how did you get out?” Lia asks.
“Erin found a screwdriver and unlocked the door handle,” I tell her.
“I’d have been stuck there for hours otherwise,” says Ellie. “I thought I was going to have to climb out the tiny bathroom window and shinny down the drainpipe!”
Now it’s me and Ellie laughing together, and Lia’s turn to join in.
After they leave, I feel glad that Lia came. Ellie will always be my best friend, but it was nice to talk to someone else for a change.
I turn my chair back to the window and sit looking out. It’s weird, thinking back to Erin’s party dancing and laughing with my friends, having fun. It’s like that was another lifetime. But I will get better. I am determined to get back to those things. I see movement in the corner of my eye, but when I look there’s nothing. Did the curtain move? Was she there, and did she fade away instantly, as always? I wanted to wave—to let her know I’m here. Maybe she’d stay visible if she knew someone could see her.
I need to find out more. I don’t want to upset Mrs. G., but right now she’s the only one who can help. I need to talk to her again.
* * *
I’ve knocked on the door, and I’m waiting and waiting for Mrs. Gayatri to come and answer it.
She looks surprised. “How are you, dear?” she asks. “What can I do for you?”
“I thought I’d come for a chat, but only if it’s convenient,” I say.
She smiles and holds the door for me.
“I’m so glad you came again,” she says. “Those hungry birds have gone through all the food already. I’ve seen starlings there, and robins. If you could refill the bird feeder for me, I’d be so pleased.”
“Of course,” I tell her.
“You do that while I make some tea.”