“Colton!” my mother yells from somewhere downstairs, her voice careless and almost empty, just like every conversation we share.
I ignore her like usual, take out my liquid liner, and mask my face as I’ve done for the past one hundred and thirty-seven days without him.
My heart squeezes in my chest as the image of my brother’s lifeless body filters through the barricade in my mind, tumbling it down once more before I erect a new one in its place, this time stronger, less caring, more dangerous.
“Stop ignoring me!” she hisses, making me roll my eyes. When she pretends to care, it’s almost funny. Mom hates being put aside as she’s done to me most of my life. Tough shit. Drink your own medicine, Mother.
I hurry and put some mascara on and stare at the emo punk staring back at me. A long distant memory of the girl I once was, that’s for sure. That girl was weak. I’ll never be weak again.
After grabbing my Poké Ball backpack, I dredge down the carousel of stairs to the foyer. Mom waits with her arms crossed. Her blonde hair—not as light as mine or Cassidy’s—is perfectly styled, slick straight. Like a model about to command attention as she struts the runway, she stares at me without compassion.
Did she die too? Is there a person left behind the shell she hides in? Was there ever?
She’s in her black pinstripe pants suit, tucked satin blouse, and Louboutins. You see, Mom is one of the strongest women in the Diamond industry. Shocker, right? She could’ve stayed a model, probably would have made her more caring. Or maybe I’m reaching. It’s debatable.
“Where’s Moms?” I ask, wondering where my other mom is.
Yeah, I have two. Destiny and Tasha Hudson. They’re inseparable. Two peas in a goddamn pod. Moms—Destiny—doesn’t know how to say no to me, so she always has Mom—Tasha—deal with me when it's anything of importance. Luckily for them both, I’m not bartering today. I’m just going to suck it up until I graduate next year.
“She had to be at Locust early today,” Mom answers, avoiding my gaze.
Moms works from home most of the time, so saying she had to be at the winery at six in the morning on a Wednesday is far from the truth. She hasn't had to be readily available at the winery for years, anything to excuse her inability to stand up for herself.
“Cool. Guess I’ll drive myself then...” I muse, pausing because it’s against the rules to have a car at Arcadia. We’re literally like Hunger Games tributes out there, stranded, forced to fend for ourselves in the woods while getting an elite education. Puh-lease. It’s a bunch of bullshit, but I digress.
“Absolutely not.”
I stare at her and recall how she can only look at me since I hide any trace of my brother.
When he first died, she wouldn’t look at me. Cass and I were Irish twins. Born eleven months apart and practically identical in appearances. We had the same lips, nose, eyes, and even the little dimple on our right cheeks. We never talked about how we were conceived. It’s a taboo subject, and it’s definitely not something our parents ever willingly discussed.
Rolling my eyes at the way she searches my face for recognition, I wait for her compromise. There’s always a compromise.
“I can—”
“God, no,” I interrupt. “Don’t need everyone gawking at me for having the richest woman in Arcadia bringing me to school. At least Moms is discrete. We both know you’re far from it.”
She closes her eyes as if I’m the biggest pain in her life. She’s not wrong. Cass is no longer here to be the bad one. While he partied and stayed out all hours, I didn’t. He got the better grades between us, but his desire to rebel made me seem like the golden child. Doesn’t make me hate her less for forcing me to live at the cesspool most students willingly call home. Does her image really overrule my comfort?
Yes. Yes, it does.
“This can’t be all you’re taking?” She balks at my backpack that barely holds any books.
Her ignoring my comment makes me want to lash out and force her to care. Mom has been the least caring of my two parents. She always pushes me away, and I miss when she would get mad at my rampant hissy fits. I miss her wanting to teach me, wanting... me.
“Yang has all my stuff in her dorm as they relocate me,” I lie easily.
Yang graduated last year. Not that Mom would ever pay attention. Yang was my best and only friend after Cass was gone. Without her, I’ll no doubt be struggling.
To be honest, I have nothing and no one. After getting kicked out of Crystal, the third tower—the one that houses Student Government—my stuff disappeared. All the clothing, memories, everything that had traces of Cass... it’s gone. To make things even worse, I’m a social pariah, and no one talks to me.
They kicked me out after Cassidy’s funeral. Not just out of the tower, but out of Student Gov, too. When no one showed up as Cass was buried, it stole all my hope and made me realize they would never protect me as they promised.
Not that I care, anyway. I’m not the same girl from last year.
I’m reborn or, rather, re-deathed. Killed again, born again, whatever you want to label it.
“Oh, perfect. I’ll get Sheldon to pick you up since you can’t stand me on campus.”
“Mom—” I start, not wanting her to think I don’t want her around. I do, just not like this. She’s the biggest donor at my school, a celebrity in the town, and a fucking spotlight of privilege. It’s debilitating, to say the least.
“I’ll see you fall break. Bye, sweetie.”
She doesn’t even kiss me or hug me anymore. Our relationship severed when Cassidy’s lifeline did.
Sheldon drives me to campus. She doesn’t bother me the entire way. One thing I love about my parents’ best friend is that she doesn’t prod.
I plug in my wireless earbuds and listen to My Immortal by Evanescence on repeat until we arrive. She taps my shoulder, forcing me to remove my headphones.
“Just want you to know I miss him, too.”
I hiccough, choking on a sob lodged in my throat. Shelly’s azure eyes stare at me with emotions that refuse to rise in me.
“Thank you, Shelly. Needed the reminder he existed,” I whisper. My brother, my best friend, and the biggest pain in my ass, he’s gone. Truly, utterly, dead.
“They haven’t forgotten him, Colt. The pain his memory brings is just too fresh,” she explains, but it doesn’t help. It only makes the temperament rise, bringing resentment along with it.
“His pictures are gone, Shelly! Gone. He’s been erased like another shoddy diamond exchange.”
She shakes her head at me, disappointment licking her features as the anger only continues to rise in me. There’s no changing my mind.
I open my door and escape the car. Hiking my backpack over my shoulders, I practically rush to the doors of Ivory, the second tower, where the plebeians exist. That’s who I am now. A pleb.
We’re all rich here. That’s a non-issue, but you’re either an elite or a pleb.
At Arcadia, there are three towers. Opal, Ivory, and Crystal. Opal is the dorms for staff.
Ivory is for the normies, like me now. Crystal is for Student Government, which I no longer am a part of. Not after then. Not after spring break. Not after... Cass.