‘When does he get out?’
‘That’s the other thing. He was released in like eighteen months, but he was a totally different person. He divorced Mrs Boyd and moved to Bali and now she’s this bitter neighbourhood despot.’
‘What happened to Marvin?’
‘Good question. I assume they put him down. That’s what they usually do when a dog attacks somebody, right?’
‘I guess. I feel sad for him.’
‘Marvin? Are you kidding? I don’t. He was an arsehole.’
‘It wasn’t his fault. He was abandoned. He was probably scared and worried all the time, and that’s why he was so aggressive. He didn’t belong anywhere. I don’t know. Maybe it was for the best that they killed him. He never really had much hope. Maybe Marvin felt relieved in the end. You know, because he didn’t have to be afraid anymore.’
Aggie went quiet. She looked at me for a long time. I worried that I said the wrong thing. Then she nodded.
‘I didn’t think about it like that,’ she said.
I stayed at Aggie’s for hours, mostly listening to her talk. She was really smart. Late in the afternoon she plugged her phone in to charge, and I remembered that I left my phone at Vic’s. I had to go back.
I told her I had to leave.
Aggie walked me to the door. Then she held her arms out and gave me a hug. I flinched at first, but she felt really warm and soft.
‘Thanks for making me brownies, Sam Watson.’
‘That’s okay.’
‘Come over again?’
‘Sure.’
Aggie closed the door. I liked her.
I put my head down and walked fast past Mrs Boyd’s house. At Vic’s, I took a deep breath and knocked on the door, but he didn’t answer. I knocked again. He probably didn’t want to speak to me.
I went around the side and climbed onto a bin and looked through the garage window. The Kingswood was gone. I worried that he wasn’t coming back and it was my fault.
I sat by the front door with my knees pulled up to my chest and made myself as small as I could. I waited until it started to get dark. Lights in the houses across the street turned on one by one. I looked at my watch. I thought about going back to the overpass.
Then, finally, Vic pulled up.
He got out of the car to open the garage door and he saw me. He put his hand on his chest.
‘Jesus wept,’ he said. ‘Don’t run off like that.’
‘Vic, I’m really sorry. I just wanted to say that. I’m going to go and leave you alone. I just need to get my phone. But I wanted to tell you I was sorry as well.’
Vic sighed.
‘It’s alright mate. Come on inside.’
I followed him in. He hadn’t even locked his front door.
Vic turned on the lights and pulled out a seat for me at the table. He looked really tired.
‘Sit down,’ he said.
‘Do you want me to get changed first?’
‘No mate. It’s fine. Come on. Sit.’
I sat down and pulled my sleeves over my wrists.
Vic scratched his beard. He looked uncomfortable.
‘I’m sorry I got worked up and gave you a fright,’ he said. ‘It was just a shock to me, seeing those clothes. I thought you were being funny, making a joke of her.’
‘I wouldn’t do that. I’m really sorry. I just didn’t think. I won’t wear them again, I promise.’
‘No, no. Look, if that’s what you want to wear, you can wear them.’
Vic looked at the mauve jumper.
‘It’s nice to see them out and about.’
‘You really think so?’
‘Yeah.’
‘You don’t think I’m …’
I went quiet.
Vic frowned and shook his head.
‘Mate, you’ll have to forgive me. I’m not very good at this. I was your age a long time ago. The world’s very different now. But I know that Edie would love that you were giving her kit a run. She would’ve …’
Vic cleared his throat and tapped the table. Then he kept going.
‘She would’ve enjoyed having you here. She missed having someone like you in her life. She’d be fussing all over you right now.’
‘Really?’
‘My wife used to see a sale rack and go weak at the knees. She bought more clothes than she had places to wear them.’
‘Her wardrobe is really beautiful.’
‘It’s all lost on me, mate. Never had much of an eye for that sort of thing.’
‘Vic, you really honestly wouldn’t mind if I wore some of her other clothes? It’s not going to upset you?’
‘No.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘If you like them, you’re welcome to them.’
My hands were shaking, and I put them under the table and squeezed them between my legs. I blushed.
‘Thank you,’ I said.
Later, I got undressed in front of the vanity mirror.
I looked at my body. With short hair, my head looked smaller and my neck looked longer. There were bruises all over my body. Some were big and red and purple. The smaller ones were green and yellow. My skin was really pale. I hated how straight and bony my shoulders were. I hated my ribs. I hated my thin hips. I hated my arms and the veins that ran up my wrists. I hated my flat chest. I hated my cheekbones and I hated my jaw and I hated the lump in my throat. I hated my penis. I hated my legs and the thick brown hairs that grew from my thighs to my feet.
I looked away and folded my arms and sat on the bed and felt sick in my stomach. I realised I was in a strange house with a man I didn’t know. Vic was nice to me, but I didn’t know why. I felt lost. I thought about my mum and my chest seized up. It had only been a couple of days, but I missed her really badly. I wanted to call her, but I knew I had ruined everything and I couldn’t go back. I was on my own and it was my fault and it made me feel small and afraid. It was hard to breathe and the room started to spin. I closed my eyes tight and dug my nails into my palms but it didn’t work.
I got out the plastic lighter that I stole from behind the supermarket. I made a flame and kept it burning until the metal around it went black. Then I pressed it against my thigh. When I took it off a small strip of my skin tore away. I heated the metal again. The piece of skin smoked and smelled awful. I held the lighter down where I was bleeding and it made a small hiss. I closed my eyes again and I gritted my teeth and I started to feel better.
Venus and Mars
When I was really young I used to wear my mum’s t-shirts with nothing else except underwear. They went all the way down to my knees. I liked the bright colours and patterns and all that soft fabric around me. I liked the way the neckline was so big that it exposed my shoulder. Sometimes I cinched the waist with a belt. My mum would dress me at the start of the day in fitted clothes she got from op shops, but I always took them off and went to her drawers. She had a royal blue crushed velvet t-shirt that I wore every chance I got.
My mum worried that I was just trying to mimic her, because our world was so small and I didn’t have any other role models. She took me to the park sometimes and made me play with other boys. I was shy and I didn’t care about trucks or dinosaurs or water pistols or ball games. But I tried hard because she told me that this was what boys liked to do.