I used to practically burst with joy when she said stuff like that. But at that moment, I didn’t want to be her person. I wanted to be my person.
Lila lifted her head and gazed down. She tried to brush off her white pants. “Did you let that dog up here?”
“It’s probably from me being hairy already.”
“You have to watch him. Boys! They’ll get away with whatever they can.”
“For sure,” I said, though I knew nothing about this. It was more stuff behind the hidden door maybe, because Samuel Crane was mostly shy. “He’s very comfortable here.”
“Jake lets him up on the furniture.”
“I mean Jake. I thought you met, like, a month ago.” I said it quietly. If I could hear them, he could hear me, too.
“Oh, no. We became official a month ago. But we met over a year ago. At Lee’s pediatric AIDS gala.” Lee, Lee Miles, Lila’s agent. “Did I tell you that Lee and Adam adopted a baby from Ethiopia?”
“No. I can’t imagine Lee as a dad.”
“He says his partying days are over. Plus, Adam was meant to be a father. I told you that Jake is a real estate developer, right? That’s how I got such a deal renting this place.”
“So, what, he knew someone who knew someone?”
Lila laughed. “It’s one of his.”
“One of his? Like, this is his house? Is that why you moved here?”
“Syd, honestly. Our family is from this city. Your great-great-great-grandmother survived the earthquake. I spent so much time in this place as a kid! Edwina grew up, like, five miles away.”
“I know. I just… It would seem weird if you did it for him.”
“I returned to our roots. And how could I not love this city? It’s so laid back! It’s not all about fame and celebrity and plastic surgery. God, it’s refreshing.”
“But he’s our landlord?”
She lifted her head from my shoulder. “Really, Syd. I don’t know why you have to say it like that.”
“I just mean, ‘Never be financially dependent on a man.’ ‘Make your own money.’ ‘Your money is your freedom.’ ” She and Edwina always told me those things, and now I believed them too.
“You don’t have to judge. You don’t know the situation.” Her jaw tightened. Her gaze turned cold. She stared out the doorway like something out there understood her much better than I ever would.
I didn’t want her mad at me. Lila, well, you were either for her or against her, and the change could happen before you could blink. You were her everything until you did her wrong, and then every step and breath she took would speak of your crime. You are bad, the clip of her heel would say. You are small, her ignoring told you. I can’t stand you, said her turned-away shoulders. Most of the time, I’d do anything to avoid that. When she shined her light on you, it was like a steady rain of glitter. That’s the thing you tried for.
“I’m sorry. I’m just surprised. I mean, you knew him and he was our landlord last time I was here.”
“Baby, relax. There was nothing to tell. And stop calling him our landlord. We’re in a relationship.”
Outside, I heard the hum of Jake’s car starting up, and then the roar of the engine as he hit the accelerator.
“Did he leave? What about Max?”
“Oh, he stays. Jake likes me to have the dog for protection. I think he just wants that monster off his hands.”
I looked down at the monster, and he looked up at me with sweet eyes. My heart melted. I died a little inside. We seemed to have a bond already, like the baby chick that imprints on a different species. I wasn’t sure which one of us was the chick.
“So, Jake hates me now after one car ride?”
“He doesn’t hate you! Do you know what he said? First thing? He said you were a very attractive young woman. That you look much more like me in person than you do in your pictures,” she said. It was supposed to be nice, but it kind of creeped me out. “Baby, you could have been friendlier. This is important to me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I know we planned to go to Tosca Cafe and have a movie night, but now I need to give Jake some TLC. His feelings are hurt! You can maybe order in and start the movie without me? I think we’ll go for drinks and dinner. I’ll be back before it’s too late. You understand, right? Baby, we have a lot to thank Jake for.”
I didn’t understand.
Worse… I wondered why she needed him like that. Why we did. I wondered if Lila was having money troubles, more serious ones than layoffs of chefs and drivers. All at once, I felt different about the house. It was stunning and incredible, sure. But it made me nervous. The ghost reminded me that she was still there. I didn’t really hear it before, the way the waves crashed outside and the wind whipped through the narrow corridor between house and sea. After that, I realized how exposed we were to all the elements.
CHAPTER TEN
Exhibit 15: Photo of 716 Sea Cliff Drive, rear stairwell to China Beach
Exhibit 16: Photo of 716 Sea Cliff Drive, main living area (the “White Room”)
Before Lila left that night, I ate the Beecher’s and a panini. I stuck the Beecher’s in the microwave. I was eating it with a fork straight out of the box when Lila came downstairs.
She wore an off-white skirt and high heels and a gold, shimmery shell. Her blond hair was stacked high, swept up elegantly. Her heels were gold and sparkly. The Ace bandage was gone. She radiated. I don’t know how else to say it. She was a star, but she actually looked like a real one, the kind in the sky. The bright ones that insist that you look.
“If you eat like that, you’re going to lose that gorgeous figure you’ve gotten since Christmas,” Lila said. “What happened after the last time I saw you? Are there hormones in the water there? You’re a good two inches taller, my God. Um, Miss Sexy! I think we’d better bring you home.”
“Haha, funny,” I said. Sometimes Lila just said stuff. She always flattered people, even if what she said wasn’t true.
“So innocent, in that tight shirt!”
I stopped eating. It was like she hit me. I actually felt struck. “God, Lila. That’s real nice.”
“It must be hormones, because you’re awfully sensitive today.”
I couldn’t tell if she was teasing or not. But it all made me feel bad. I started pulling at my shirt, you know, to make it less tight. Maybe it was a little tight; I hadn’t even thought about it. Maybe I was just being sensitive.
* * *
When Lila left, I didn’t go to the media room to put in a movie. At least not right away. Instead, I snooped around the house as Max followed. I wanted to see what had changed since I’d been there last.
At night, in that glass house, everything was darkness and you couldn’t tell if anyone was looking in. The sea was dark too. It was unsettling. At the slightest noise, Max would go tearing down the stairs, barking his head off, which didn’t help matters. It put me on edge. He was like one of those smoke alarms that go off when you burn a piece of toast. I checked the security system, but I couldn’t tell if the red light meant it was on or off. Lila always forgot to set it.