And, anyway, by the end of third grade, Mom was dating Rand, and he was great at first, so it was almost like we had a dad, so maybe people wouldn’t talk about us anymore. But then he moved in and started to show his true drinking colors and so everyone pretty much knew—or, worse, heard because of their fighting. So, yeah, he could be a jerk, but he could also be good and helpful and fun, so it was harder than you’d think to get rid of him.
“But you’re nice, not wild…not a troublemaker,” Joy had said to me that first summer, a few weeks after school ended, and we were hanging out a lot together.
“What if I’m both?” I asked, probably wanting to sound tougher than I was.
She kicked a pebble in my direction. “Then I like you even better,” she had said.
I smile, thinking about that now as I lock our front door and step outside into the bright sunshine.
The good thing about not being rich anymore is you live closer to town, practically right on the edge of it. I head across the grass, past the swings, around the corner, and toward Main Street, picking up my pace toward Vincent’s.
I don’t know what in the world tells me this is a good idea, but it’s too late now. It’s done. I did it. I opened the envelope. And now I’m going to read it.
Here goes.
It’s okay. I’m not going to do anything. I’m just going to read it.
It’s not about money
But it is about dough.
In a world with no dolphins,
Surely, you’ll know.
P.S. Starting easy. Basically a “gimme.” You’re welcome.
Find the table with the other kind of PIe.
There. I read it.
I stare down at his handwriting, which I’d know anywhere, and, yeah, it hurts. It’s like someone has a clamp and it’s pressing down on my ribs, squeezing my heart, but I can still breathe, which is a good sign.
I am whelmed. But not overwhelmed.
And, yes, that’s a word, thank you very much.
At first, and for a long time, whenever I thought about that day, about what happened, I’d be crying so hard, my lungs tightened and no air could get in. It was once so bad, my dad had to rush me to the emergency room. The closer we got to the hospital, the more and more I thought I was going to die.
They told us, at the hospital, it was a panic attack.
So now I know.
And now I can breathe.
So I look down at the clue again.
Basically a “gimme.” You’re welcome.
You’re right. Thank you. This is an easy one.
Vincent’s Pizza.
It’s where we eat sometimes, on weekends or after school. I haven’t stepped foot in there, not once. Since. But I know exactly where Lukas means, and not just the restaurant, but which exact booth. I bet it’s the one by the window that looks out to the landing, and for a tiny second I think I can taste on my tongue sweet pineapples doused in white sauce.
The worst, I know. I know!
Of course, I was making money babysitting before Lukas got that job walking dogs. But eventually he was making more money than I was watching people’s kids, their human kids. You’d be surprised how many people around here will pay someone just to take their dog for a walk and pick up the poop in a plastic bag. But, at first, I had all the money. I made twenty-one dollars in one Saturday afternoon, and the first place we went was Vincent’s Pizza.
Third booth on the right.
“Jolie, you okay in there?” It’s my mom, outside my bedroom door.
I guess they worried when it got quiet, when I stopped picking out notes on the guitar. There was a long time they made me keep my door open whenever I was alone in my room. I sure don’t want that to happen again.
“I’m fine, Mommy.”
I slip Lukas’s note back into the envelope, hide it under my pillow, and pick up the guitar again. It’s actually not that hard. There is a diagram in the book Natalia got me that shows you where to put your fingers. I’ve already learned two chords. I try to open my mouth and sing the words, but I can’t. I hold on to the neck, press down on the strings, and, with my other hand, strum, up and down, across the guitar.
“Just practicing,” I call out.
I move my fingers around and try another chord, but I keep looking down at the pillow. I can’t help but wonder, and soon as I wonder, then wonder turns into a wish, and a wish quickly becomes anxiety.
What if his clue is still there?
Waiting for me.
It couldn’t be. And even if that one is there, there’s no guarantee that any of the others would still be where he put them. A year later? No way. Reading the clue was one thing, but what I’m thinking now is a bad idea.
Should I go find the second one?
My parents would never let me go look. That, I know for sure. Even if it didn’t require heading from place to place, not knowing where I was going or how I was going to get there, my parents aren’t exactly loosey-goosey when it comes to letting me wander around by myself.
Besides, all the clues can’t still be there.
Can they?
My breathing feels tight.
But then again, what if they are? What if the clues are just waiting out there in the world?
What if I can find them?
I bet Lukas was really clever about where he hid the clues. He is smart, really smart. Smarter than anyone I know. Than anyone gives him credit for. Except me.
And I know it sounds stupid, but I always kind of dreamed he and I would get married one day, which probably explains some of the things that came flying out of my mouth, which I am already starting to forget.
Cupcakes and scavenger hunts and holes in the sand.
It can’t hurt to look.
I owe him that much.
I shut the Ariana Grande easy-chord songbook, lean my new red birthday guitar carefully against my bed, grab my wallet, and stuff Lukas’s first clue deep into the back pocket of my jeans, because whelmed is decidedly better than overwhelmed.
It’s hard to walk through the jingle-jangling door of Vincent’s Pizza with no money, because it smells so good and I haven’t eaten yet today, so I’m starving. But I spent my savings on Joy’s gift, so I’m going to have to suck it up for now.
So many thoughts hit me with the good smells, and all of them make me happy. Like the time in fifth grade Joy bet me five dollars I couldn’t eat a large pizza with pepperoni and onions all by myself, and I had to prove I could, so we stayed there for a whole three hours while I finished.