I shake my head. “He’s been playing a game with me this whole time. I mean—”
“I get it.” she reaches out and laying her hand on my shoulder. “You’re still upset. You broke up with him, and he let you.”
“Riley…”
“I’m meeting Eli,” she says. “I forgot.”
I exhale. I guess I’ll go alone.
Riley leaves me at her locker, shoulders hunched as people continue to walk around her. I’m tempted to call out and apologize, but I stop myself. I don’t know why I would possibly apologize.
I’m in the right.
And just because I’m doing something scary… doesn’t mean I can’t do it alone.
Swallowing my nerves, I head toward the courtyard. Some students eat lunch out here in nicer weather, but the chill of November has driven everyone inside.
The greenhouse door is propped open. I slip in, trying not to recall when Caleb brought me in here. Light filters through the skylights. Contrary to popular belief, these walls are not made of glass. They’re plexiglass and canvas, letting in filtered light. Privacy, someone once told me.
Amelie leans on a raised box. It appears freshly planted, the soil dark and damp.
“About time,” she says.
“I was debating whether or not to come.”
“You made the right decision,” she says. “The whole class is whispering about how you snubbed Caleb this morning.”
“I was going to do it with or without your little pep talk.” I shrug, feigning indifference.
She flips her hair back. “Caleb’s been meddling in your life forever.”
“I know.” I move to lean on a box across from her. “This isn’t news.”
She squints at me. “What do you remember?”
“Of what?”
“When you up and left. We were ten. What do you remember?”
I shake my head.
—head snapping back—
I press my fingers to my temples. “I don’t want to discuss this.”
“The boys in this school,” she mutters. “They’re out to get us.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Caleb played us all, don’t you get it? He seduced us—”
I drop my hands and glare at her. This isn’t going how I thought it would. No, actually, it is going how I thought it would. I’d just hoped for something different.
“He didn’t seduce me,” I argue, although he totally did. He laid out a sticky web, and like an idiot, I fell right into it. “And anyway, it didn’t work, because he and I are done. And you know what? I think this conversation is done, too.”
She’s prying and invading, and why didn’t I see this side of her before?
I move toward the door.
“He charmed the pants off of me and Savannah,” she says quietly.
I stop in my tracks.
“You knew that, right? Him sleeping with her, then dating me? Well, if you can even call it dating—”
I spin around. “I don’t want to hear about how you fucked Caleb! God, Amelie. Really?”
She has tears in her eyes.
And I’m so over it.
“Why do you think he did it? Because he knew you’d come back. And you’re letting him steamroll you, Margo! Don’t be an idiot.”
I laugh. I’ve been an idiot. It’s true. I’m still making mistakes—such as letting Amelie stomp all over me. Right. Now.
“I’m done.” I walk away again, fully fed up with Amelie Page.
In the back of my mind, I acknowledge that we all grew up differently. I bounced around homes. She bounced around countries.
“Ask yourself this, Margo,” she calls. “How did Caleb find you in the woods?”
I know how he found me. Unknown sent me the proof—a picture of Ian dragging me across the field.
This is the only time I help you.
I shiver, but I don’t turn back around. I’ve been waiting for the right moment to look into Unknown—and so many other things. The number is blocked. There’s only so much I can do without getting more people involved.
She sighs. “Savannah sent him the text.”
I freeze, my hand on the knob.
“The picture. I know you’ve probably seen it. Did he tell you it was her?”
No. Savannah is Unknown?
Savannah—
“We’re not doing this,” I say through gritted teeth. I push through the door, into the courtyard. I struggle to take deep breaths as the world crashes around me.
Pull yourself together, Margo.
I can’t do this. I can’t—
“Margo?”
I blink up at Robert. Gravel bites into my knees.
“Up you go,” he says, his arms hooking under my armpits. He lifts me to my feet and guides me to a bench. “Are you okay?”
“I… I think I just got overwhelmed,” I murmur. I close my eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
“Come with me,” he says. “I just have to meet with a student and then I can take you home. Okay? This weekend was a lot.”
Even with my eyes closed, tears escape.
“Oh, honey, don’t cry.” He rubs my back in circles.
“I shouldn’t have run away.” It made everything worse.
Ian is being confusing, and Caleb is letting me push him away. Riley and Eli’s relationship is progressing almost too fast for me to track. Sooner or later, everyone else will leave me in the dust.
Maybe I’m better off there.
All of my fight is gone. I used it on Caleb and Amelie, and I don’t want to take it out on Robert. So I follow a half step behind him all the way to his classroom and sit at a desk in the back while he chats with another student. A sophomore, I think. She throws nervous glances in my direction.
I doodle profiles of boys with black holes for eyes.
“Ready?” Robert asks.
I jerk, crumpling the page. I’m not a fool—I realize I couldn’t stop drawing Caleb. And if Robert sees, he’d know, too.
“Thank you,” I say in the car. “For taking me to my old home the other day, and for bringing me home today…”
He smiles at me. “You seem lost. Don’t get me wrong—it’s perfectly okay to feel lost at seventeen. It’s Len’s job, and my job, to help you navigate to where you want to go.”
I bite my lip.
Am I lost?
“It can take time and soul searching,” he adds. “And reconnecting with your past. If you want to talk to anyone—”
“A therapist?” I shudder. I’ve talked to too many state-mandated psychologists for my liking. There was nothing wrong with them, except their soul-sucking nature and endless questions.
“Or your dad,” he says quietly.
I freeze.
“He’s only twenty-five minutes away,” he continues. “And we’d be happy to take you if you—”
“I’m not ready for that.” I look out the window and decide to admit one thing. One ugly feeling. “I tried to visit him when I was twelve. Angela said I was on the approved list. But we got there, and he had revoked it because it was no place for…”
Robert is silent.
I lamely finish, “A child. And technically, I’m still one.”