I looked closely at Mum’s face, searching for clues about why she left us. But I couldn’t find any. I guess people don’t wear clues on their faces when they decide to disappear from your life. Although, the photo was taken a few years before she left, so maybe she just hadn’t decided yet.
Before Dad got back from the tip, I went and hid Mum’s box under my bed. Dad never even wanted to talk about her, so I doubted he’d want to see her things. Besides, I was worried he might want to take it to the tip. I shifted a few boxes out of the way so I could start sweeping. And that’s when I saw the paintings. There must have been twenty of them. Some of sea creatures. Some of the pier. Some of me and Jasper. And loads of Mum. In one she had bright orange hair flowing out like flames. One was just of her eyes filled with tiny stars, as though the whole universe was inside them.
I was sat down looking at them as Dad’s van pulled up.
“What have you got there?” he called as he walked in.
I quickly stood up. “They fell down as I was sweeping.”
Dad picked up a painting, then slowly looked through the rest. “Gosh, I painted some of these fifteen, twenty years ago! Forgot I kept them.” He gazed at the painting of Mum with her hair like flames and shook his head. “Feels like I did them in a former life.”
I stood next to him and looked at the thick swirls of orange paint around Mum’s face. “You must have loved her a lot. To paint her like that.”
Dad smiled, his eyes still fixed on the painting. “Like what?”
“Like she’s a goddess or something.”
“Yeah, I loved your mum, Jemima. I loved her a lot, but…” Dad sighed and put the painting down. “I should probably just take them to the charity shop.” He picked up a painting of me and Jasper. Huge yellow clouds floated above our heads and the sea was pink in the background. “Maybe I’ll keep this one.”
I took a deep breath. “Don’t you…ever wonder where she is?”
Dad put his arm round me, the painting of me and Jasper still in his other hand. “I’m usually too busy worrying about what you’re up to.”
We walked out of the garage towards the house, followed closely by Hermione. Dad leaned down to stroke her black fur.
“Luna not got up to feed you yet, hey? Come on, let’s get some lunch.” Dad opened the front door. “Now, who do you think should wake Luna up, you or me?”
“Hmm,” I said. Last time Dad made me wake Luna up, I had to participate in her sun-worshipping ritual. It involved drinking nettle tea. And chanting. “Definitely Jasper.”
I spent the next couple of days worrying if anyone in my class knew about Fat Club, and trying not to think about the Brainiacs test on Thursday. Which wasn’t easy. Because it was all anyone was talking about. But I hadn’t signed up. I could work out simultaneous equations and recite the entire periodic table; I knew facts about every planet in the solar system and could tell you virtually every constellation in the sky. But none of that solved the problem of my size. And it made everything else about me dissolve into nothing.
It was Wednesday morning, and I was in geography, when I noticed Lottie hiding something under her desk. She nudged Alina and laughed extra loudly. Alina didn’t laugh, but she looked over at me then whispered something. Usually I’d ignore them, but today I couldn’t. It was a gut feeling or intuition or something. Maybe my psychic powers were awakening. Or maybe it was Lottie’s ratty sneer that told me whatever she was hiding under her desk had something to do with me.
“Is there something you’d like to share with the class, Lottie? Alina?” Mr Kelly said. “What’s so amusing?”
“Nothing, Mr Kelly,” Lottie said. “We’re just enjoying learning about coastal erosion.” Lottie was better at sucking up than my brother.
“Okay,” Mr Kelly said suspiciously and went back to writing on the board.
Lottie slipped whatever it was into her bag. It looked like a newspaper. She looked over at me and smiled. Something weird was going on.
“My audition’s at lunch,” Miki whispered, squeezing my arm.
“Miki, is there something you’d like to share with the class?” Mr Kelly said, putting his hands on his hips.
Miki sang, “Only that I’m going to slay the Mary Poppins audition today!” He jumped out of his seat and took a bow.
Even Mr Kelly smiled at that. I tried to smile, but the neurons in my brain were too busy trying to figure out why Lottie would hide a newspaper under her desk.
At lunchtime, I walked to the drama studio with Miki, and told him to break a leg. As if he needed any luck.
He twirled his way through the door, singing “Chim chim cher-ee”.
I still had Miki’s song in my head when it happened. The words “FAT CLUB!” came hurling at me across the playground, like someone had kicked a football at me. It’s not just the pain of it. The pain you get used to. It’s the embarrassment. And not having anywhere to hide. It’s everyone staring because they all heard it too. Like you’re the most grotesque thing ever. Or like they feel sorry for you. Or they’re waiting for you to say something back. Well, I didn’t want to shout anything back because the only thing in my head were lines from Mary Poppins. So, I smiled. Well, I pretended to smile. You can’t smile for real when you feel so embarrassed you want to cry.
I caught eyes with Jaz from my maths class, who was standing nearby with her friends.
“Hey, don’t worry about it,” she said. “My dad always says, ‘today’s newspapers will be tomorrow’s chip papers’!”
I literally had no idea what she was talking about. “Okay, thanks,” I said and walked towards the library. I don’t know why I didn’t figure it out right then. My brain must have been having an off day.
I was sitting at a table in the corner of the library reading my book, when I heard, “Ah, Jemima!” I looked up to see Mr Nelson walking towards me. “I thought you might be in here.” He perched on the edge of the table with his foot up on a chair, which you’re not allowed to do. Stormtroopers stared up at me from his socks. “I’ve just taken a look at the list of students signed up for the Brainiacs test tomorrow, and your name wasn’t on there.”
I avoided eye contact, with Mr Nelson and the Stormtroopers.
“Jemima, you are planning on taking the test, aren’t you?”
I bit my lip. How could I explain that I wanted to go on Brainiacs more than anything, but I didn’t want people to see me on TV? And that anyway, Lottie was right – no one else wanted to see me on TV either. But I couldn’t tell Mr Nelson that. He wouldn’t think it was a genuine problem. He thought a genuine problem was being invaded by the Barbarians. Plus, he wore the same socks as my brother.
“I can’t sit the test, sir,” I said. “My dad doesn’t agree with TV.”
“What?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “He’s really old-fashioned. He’d prefer me to enter a, erm…” I glanced at the nearest book I could see. Sewing for Beginners. “A…sewing competition or something.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, my dad’s quite, erm, sexist.”