“I figured I might see you at the plastic surgeon, that’s why I went,” I jab back. “But I forgot, they don’t do surgery on over-compensating egos. Unless, of course, it’s for growth. You know, in some areas you might be lacking in.”
My eyes flash down to the crotch of his khaki blue shorts, and I try to keep my sneer on my face. In all reality, I’m attempting to keep the goose bumps from breaking out all over my skin. The thought of seeing Sawyer Roarke naked is the stuff of my most secret fantasies and also the bane of my existence.
I don’t want to think the guy is hot, but oh my Lord, it should be illegal to be that ridiculously gorgeous. As if he wasn’t attractive that night in the basement closet during seven minutes in heaven, over the last two years, it has only intensified.
Sawyer has muscles on muscles, lean and ropey like only the school’s star soccer player could possess. Since I’ve been gone, it seems he’s grown another four or five inches on his mountainous frame, and when I peer up into those startling green eyes, they’re fixated on my boobs. That strong jaw tics, the skin of his face tan and golden from what I’m sure were many a day on the shores of Norma Lake, the town’s hot spot.
Yes, my ire for Sawyer is only heightened by his frustratingly good looks. But apparently, my summer transformation is also unnerving him.
“If you’d like to see how much I’m not lacking, we can find the nearest bathroom. I know you missed me.” A dark eyebrow raises cockily.
“I admit, I did miss the scent of jock BO and delusion. Can I help you with something, Sawyer?” I step into his space, almost challenging him.
Those emerald pools flare, along with his nostrils, because he wasn’t expecting that. Like I said, typically, I cower. A sick, satisfied sensation settles in my gut at the glee I feel at surprising him.
“Just wanted to come congratulate you, or maybe warn you. Looks like you finally decided to not be the weird girl this year. But we can all see through it. Don’t think that wearing a pair of shorts that show your ass cheeks is going to land you a date, or a spot on homecoming court. You’re still the exact same nerdy chick you were last year. The same weirdo you’ve always been.”
His words cut deep, but I don’t let him see the blood. Sawyer is a shark, that’s what he’s looking for. That’s what he feasts on.
How many times have we been here? Him saying something nasty, or me doing the exact same? We’ve cut each other down, past the quick, to a thing way beyond hurt.
Malice simmers in my veins, and I move in close, getting in Sawyer’s face. “And you’re still the same repugnant asshole. So I guess some things never change. Stay away from me this year, Sawyer. You’re right, I’m not the same girl. I’ve got bark with my bite now, and you don’t want that. I’ll dismantle your castle, pull you from your high horse. Remember, I knew you before all of these people thought you were invincible. And I know for a fact that you’re not.”
There is a pang of guilt in my gut as Sawyer’s eyes register the hit. For one split second, he lets me see the hurt. Our weapons are down, if only briefly, and we can glimpse the strife and wreckage we’ve waged on each other’s battlefields.
Then I remember the pros and cons list. It’s kept the burning in my gut alive for two years. My best friend, which he was once upon a time, with all of his most scathing inner thoughts. I knew, the moment I saw that list, that he had never and could never love me the way I did him.
“Remember, Blair, you made us this way.”
If I’m not mistaken, there is a note of sadness, or maybe bitterness, in his deep tone.
Yes, I made us this way. But he broke us before we even had a chance.
3
Blair
“See you bright and early tomorrow?”
Nate puts an arm around my shoulder, and we walk in tandem out of our AP physics class.
“If there is one thing I hate about being senior class vice president, maybe the only thing, it’s the early wake-up calls,” I grumble.
“And if there is one thing out of your personality type, it’s that you’re not an early bird.” My male best friend bops me on the nose.
He’s right, it’s the one part of my type A personality that just doesn’t fit; I can’t wake up naturally, or happily, before eight a.m. if my life depended on it. Sure, I do it, because my schedule relies on it and I have shit to get done. But I’ll bitch and moan all the way to our six-thirty class cabinet meeting tomorrow and then proceed to do so for the rest of the year. Just like I’ve done for the past three years, and Nate has been present for every meeting.
We met freshman year, when we were trying to decide whether we’d run against each other for president. Then I realized I had no shot against Nate, a naturally charismatic extrovert, and I backed down. It’s not as if we don’t run things like a team anyway and being second in command actually frees me up to pass some of the things I want to in student government without the scrutiny. Nate can take the heat, while I don’t even want the thought of a burn.
I get another round of strange looks as we walk down the hall, and I automatically bristle.
“That’s what happens when you get insanely hot and toned over the summer, honey.” Nate whistles low in my ear.
I swat at him. “Shut up.”
“It’s true. If I played for that side, I might go after you now.” He wiggles his eyebrows, and I duck out of his embrace.
“If you played for my side, that would solve all of my problems. We’d date, because we were meant to be, and I’d never have to worry again.”
“But alas, the female breasts do nothing for me.” He pouts as if this makes him sad at all.
“What are you saying about breasts?” Laura falls into step with us.
Nate points at mine. “I was just saying how good those babies look.”
Laura snorts, and we all stop at her locker to let her put her books away for the day. The final bell rung just moments ago, and the halls are mobbed. There are younger students rushing to get to their buses before they miss them, athletes half-dressed on the way to their locker rooms, and teachers yelling at kids for kissing or goofing off or just generally being kids.
“They do look particularly perky this year. I think you’re finally becoming a woman.” She gives me a look like my sprouting curves make her proud.
“Can you both stop?” I blush tremendously.
If it wasn’t for these two, despite their incessant teasing, I would never have made it this far into high school. Don’t get me wrong, every day wasn’t a tour through hell. I’m one of those nerds who actually likes school and excels in my classes, and I love my spot in student government. There are a few other surface friends I have, and it’s not like I’m being left off the list of people’s birthday parties. It’s just that ever since my falling out with Sawyer, I don’t really feel like I belong in Chester. I don’t know my place anymore, and I’m looking forward to college to try to figure that out.
“All right, fine. I have to run to practice, but I’ll text you later. We’re still buddy watching The Challenge, right?” Laura points at me.