“Okay.” He was making me nervous, looming over the bed. Why did he affect me this way? “Can you sit down?” I figured it was best to go with full honesty. “You’re…you’re making me nervous.”
He frowned but took a seat on the bed, his eyes never leaving mine.
“You’re right,” I said quietly, then spoke the words that I knew would change things irreversibly between us. “I’m Mercury. And I know you’re Nitro.”
The room fell deadly silent.
His jaw worked, his expressive eyes flitting through a whirlwind of emotions, before he closed them.
When he opened his eyes again, my heart fractured as I watched him shut down. It was like the last bit of light in him had been extinguished. His eyes were dead, his expression blank.
“Please explain,” he said tonelessly, and tears filled my eyes.
“West.” I reached for him, my hand shaking.
“No.”
I pulled my hand back as if it was on fire. “I-I’m Mercury, yes. I didn’t know that you were Nitro until…until some of the stuff you asked me to look into proved to me who you were. Everything that was happening with Winter, you know?”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” he asked in the same toneless voice.
“How could I? You know we’re not allowed to compromise our identity.”
A bitter laugh fell from his mouth. “You were already compromised when you found out who I was. You’ve had months to come clean.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but he wasn’t finished. “And you. You were the one who fucked up everything with my family.”
My jaw dropped, and I welcomed the thread of anger that burned through me. “Wait a minute. I sent you that video because I thought you had a right to know the truth about your mum. I hadn’t…I haven’t had it for long, otherwise I would have sent it sooner. You deserved to know. Can’t—”
He held up his hand, stopping me in my tracks. “Another thing you lied to me about. When I asked you if you knew what had happened, you said you’d just found out.”
“I had! Okay, not long before that, but I couldn’t exactly tell you I was Mercury, could I?” Leaning forwards on the bed, I pinned him with a savage look, and he bared his teeth at me.
“Why? Why, Lena? Why did you have to be Mercury?” His voice grew louder. “You were the one person left that I thought hadn’t hid things from me. Do you know how fucking betrayed I feel right now?”
“Because—”
“Why!”
I shoved at his chest, the words ripping from my throat. “Because I’ve been in—I’ve liked you for fucking years!”
“What?”
His face was no longer blank, and confusion filled his eyes.
“Um.” I buried my face in my hands, my anger gone, replaced with embarrassment. This was officially the worst day of my life. “I liked you when we were kids. You know,” I mumbled. “I liked, liked you. You were into computers, so I got into them. And-and I realised I was really good at what I was doing.”
Tentatively, I raised my head. He paced next to the bed, his eyes wild. “I can’t fucking deal with this right now. You—” A frustrated growl tore from his throat. “I don’t even know what that has to do with all this. You tell me you liked me, but you hid who you were from me. I trusted you. As Mercury, there was so much shit we dealt with together. You know more than my brother does about some things. And yet, whenever I saw you in person, you acted like I was irrelevant to you. Like you didn’t—” He broke off, clenching his fists, before he spun to face me. “What the fuck, Lena? That’s fucked up.”
“I was trying to protect myself,” I said lamely, unable to explain. My head was spinning, trying to articulate what I couldn’t put into words. My lip trembled, and I grasped at my bedcovers, trying to ground myself. “I wanted you. I wanted you so much, but I couldn’t…we couldn’t…”
His eyes darkened, all the anger that had built up inside him aimed in my direction. At that moment, I barely even recognised him. This wasn’t the Weston I knew. It was like my secret was the final straw, and now he was lost, irrational and wild, and I was caught in the eye of the storm.
“You wanted me? Really? Is this what you fucking wanted?” He pounced, pinning me beneath his body. Grabbing my hands, he held me down effortlessly, and all of my years of martial arts and self-defence training went out the window at the words he’d used, spoken in that tone, and the way his weight pinned me down.
I. Couldn’t. Breathe.
My entire body froze, paralysed under him. “Get off me! Get off!” My words were strangled, barely making it through my throat, which was closing up. Tears poured down my cheeks unchecked, and he jerked backwards in shock, immediately releasing his grip on my body, putting some much-needed distance between us. The anger immediately disappeared from his eyes, and instead, his wide-eyed, alarmed gaze fixated on me in horror.
“Lena, I would never—”
“No! Please… Please go.” My words were almost incomprehensible through my sobs, as the memories I’d been able to suppress for years flooded back. “Please,” I managed between sobs, and finally, he moved, the door slamming behind him as he left me alone.
I felt like crawling out of my own skin. The only thought on my mind was to get to the beach, my one place of refuge. Somehow, I made it through the house, to the outside lift that moved up and down the cliff face, and descended to the tiny, sheltered beach where my family’s boat was moored at a small wooden jetty.
Collapsing down onto the pebbles, blissfully alone, I leaned back against the rough stone of the cliff and buried my face in my arms. My body shook with anger at myself for my reaction after all this time, my mind battered by a graphic flashback of the trauma I’d thought I’d overcome.
I let myself fall apart.
THIRTEEN
AGE FOURTEEN
I was on top of the world. I’d scored an invite to Niall’s house party, thanks to my skateboarder friend Jax. Niall was one of the hottest boys at Highnam Academy, Alstone High’s rival school. I wasn’t interested in him in that way, but the kids at Highnam Academy were far less stuck-up than the ones at my own school.
The party was everything I hoped for. No adults, plenty of alcohol, and maybe, just maybe, a boy I could practise kissing on. My heart belonged to Weston Cavendish, but I knew he only saw me as Cassius’ little sister. After tonight, though, things would be different. I’d prove to him that I was girlfriend material.
Jax had disappeared off, but I was having a great time dancing and drinking, the alcohol buzzing through my veins, just enough to make me feel comfortable. Over in the corner of the room, I saw a boy with wavy dark brown hair leaning against the wall. Probably about my brother’s age, maybe even a little older, he had on faded jeans and a dark blue T-shirt with some kind of round logo on it in red. When he caught my eye, he smiled and pushed off the wall, heading towards me.
As he approached, I wiped my palms on my leggings, suddenly nervous and second-guessing my decision. Should I save my first kiss for Weston?