His head was still turned to the side, but I didn’t want to look at him. Not yet. I counted the freckles on the back of my hand—six—until I felt steady and sure.
“I know I told everyone I was going to UCLA,” I said. “California, the absolute farthest point from New York, from Swickley. Palm trees and endless sunshine and whatever. It just all seems a little silly now.”
“It’s not silly. We wouldn’t have electricity or movies or museums filled with great art if people didn’t dream. Like, where would we be if Matisse thought dreaming was silly?”
He propped his head on his hand and then I had to face him. A tiny leaf was stuck in his hair but it looked so cute that I couldn’t bring myself to brush it away.
“Where are you going to apply next year?” I asked.
“There aren’t a ton of schools with music programs, or not the kind I’d want to go to. New School in the city, Miami, Berklee, LA College of Music. I don’t know, we’ll see.”
The thought of going away, of getting out of our small town for years at a time…it didn’t seem possible. I’d heard the whispered conversations behind my parents’ bedroom door. My mom had grown her business to twice the size it had been just a year before, but it still wasn’t enough to keep up with a barrage of medical bills. I’d found six different credit cards in her desk drawer, all too maxed out to actually use.
“Why California?” he asked me.
“Because of Unsolved Mysteries.”
Tyler’s brows drew together. “Unsolved Mysteries? The TV show?”
“Come on, it’s a great show,” Then I dipped my voice a few octaves, putting on my best Robert Stack impression: “Join me…you may be able to help solve a mystery.”
“Okay, now I’m really confused.”
“I just saw this segment—no murder or anything—about this couple who was running scams there. That’s not actually the point. The point is that they lived on the beach and it had all these palm trees and this cool lifeguard house, and it just…it felt like a place I needed to be. I mean, I’ve never even seen the ocean. Part of me has always wondered what it would be like to live right next to it.”
I didn’t mention the other, unspoken dream that was tangled up in that. Being on stage, just myself and a guitar, the audience barely visible beyond the spotlights. I’d heard about the clubs in Los Angeles—the Viper Room, Largo, the Troubadour. Maybe I wasn’t ready to play there yet, but I could be in the next few years, if I was ever able to get the money together to go.
“You seem happy here, though,” he said. “Like there are definitely kids at school who have it really rough, but you have Amber and Kristen, and everyone just really likes you. But not in that obnoxious, popular-girl way.”
“There are worse places, yeah. But I can’t help feeling trapped, like there’s so much more than this. I mean, this town is, like, five square miles. The place is totally dead at night. And I can’t even remember the last time I left. It’s a big deal when I go to the Blockbuster on the other side of Main Street.”
Tyler lay back on the table, moving closer to me. He inched his hand toward mine until the backs of them were touching, and then I let my fingers curl around his, enjoying how good it felt to be close again.
“Big things can happen in small towns,” Tyler said, squeezing my hand. “Even places like Swickley.”
“Oh yeah? What kind of things?”
“I don’t know. People make art, music. People fall in love.”
The words sat there, between us. All the blood rushed into my cheeks, and my chest felt so full, I thought I might float into the sky. Maybe there was still something for me here.
“We should watch Unsolved Mysteries together sometime,” I said, fighting back a smile.
“I am always down to watch Unsolved Mysteries with you.”
He leaned into me and I leaned into him.
Then we were kissing again.
10
When we pulled into the driveway, my dad’s work van was the only car there. FLYNN PEST CONTROL, it said in big letters on the side. LICENSED TO KILL. LITERALLY. There was a picture of my dad wielding his backpack sprayer. Lydia must’ve left early, because her Corolla wasn’t parked on the street like it normally was. It would be another hour until my mom got home.
Tyler was still holding my hand. He hadn’t let go of it the entire ride home. “What if we just stay here?” he asked, staring up at the house. The sky had gone dark, the moon just visible above the trees, a spattering of stars beyond it.
“In the driveway?” I laughed.
“In this car. We could order pizza, tip the seats back, and sleep. Skip school tomorrow and listen to every CD in my glove compartment. Get Chinese food and have my little brother drop off some clothes. We’d only go inside to use the bathroom and the phone.”
“My parents would not like that.”
“We’ll sneak through the back door.”
“Start homeschooling each other,” I said with a smirk. “Drink rainwater. Give our college applications to the mailman.”
“Come on, don’t leave,” he said when I finally reached for the door.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, promise.” I kissed him before jumping down from the Blazer. I waited at my front door, watching as he pulled out the driveway and up the block. My cheeks were sore from smiling so much.
Fuller didn’t greet me the way he normally did, his tiny butt wiggling like crazy. The house was quiet. I glanced up the stairs and noticed Sara’s door was open, but her room was dark. She wasn’t blasting her stereo. The television was off.
“Dad?” I started into the kitchen. The light above the stove cast ominous shadows. He was at our table, his chin resting on his hands. If we were religious I would’ve thought he was praying, but as soon as he turned toward me I saw that his face was flushed, his eyes red and watery.
“What’s wrong? What happened?”
“Lydia couldn’t wake Sara up. We had to call an ambulance.” He was already wearing his jacket. His boots were on and the car keys were already on the table. Before I could ask anything he grabbed them, wrapping one arm around me as he ushered us to the door. “We have to meet your mom at the hospital.”
I barely had time to put my backpack down.
* * *
“I don’t understand,” I said. “She was fine this morning. It seemed like she was having a good day. A really good day.”