I don’t fucking care.
I hear Sebastian and Alec laugh behind me, and after the moment we just had, I almost forgot we had an audience. Sebastian pockets his phone and gives me a brief nod.
“See, I knew she liked the threesome shit. It’s always the quiet ones who are freaky.” Alec laughs and she darts past him, grabbing her bag and running from the library.
“Holy fuck, dude, that was unexpectedly hot,” Sebastian says. I grab my backpack, ignoring him, and together, we leave the library, heading back to the dorms.
“I dare you.” Plays on repeat over and over in my mind and I know no matter what it takes, no matter how far I have to go, I will be Valentina Carmichael’s demise.
Anger like I’ve never known consumes me, wholly, as I slam the door to my dorm closed and fall against it. I slide down until I hit the ground and let the tears fall freely.
Who the fuck does he think he is?
He’s deranged. Completely fucked-up.
I ran out of the library completely ashamed I allowed him in any way to touch me. I should’ve fought back harder, I should have screamed for help, but I was weak. My tears are a mixture of embarrassment, anger, and lust I shouldn’t feel, and it makes me feel even more fucked-up.
He preyed on me because of who he is. That’s what guys like Rhys Blackwood do. They find the weakest link and they break them down until there isn’t anything left. I know who he is, I’ve been controlled by someone like this my entire life. A narcissistic psychotic crazy person. Except she controls me by breaking down my self-perception and he uses my body as a weapon.
I wipe the wetness from my cheeks, and take a moment to suck in a deep, calming breath before I pick my phone up and text my best and only friend, Rory.
Valentina: Ror, I need you.
A minute later, the three blinking dots dance along my screen, showing he’s responding.
Rory: Be there soon, babe x
I pull myself up off of the floor and discard my uniform, anxious to remove the reminder of what just happened. Turning the water on in the shower as hot as I can stand it, I step under the blistering stream. The water soaks my hair and coats my body, but I still feel his hands on me.
I still feel the searing heat of his finger as he dipped it inside me. No one has ever touched me there before, and it’s a feeling I want to replay, over and over. That thought alone makes me feel filthy, like no matter how much I scrub, I’ll never wash his sin from my skin. I’ve only been in the presence of St. Augustine’s fallen angel twice, but each time his tainted darkness has touched me, and now I’m singed. On their own accord, my fingers make their way to my pussy and I slide a finger through my folds, fingering the sensitive bud I only hours ago begged him to not touch.
Maybe I’m just as fucked-up as he is.
He told me we were all a little fucked-up, and maybe it’s the truth.
The truth is, as much as I hate Rhys for touching me without my consent, part of me wanted the attention. I wanted someone to look at me and feel desire. Look past the baggy cardigans I hide my body with and want me. Forget the mousy, shy girl I was on the inside and turn me into a wanton, wild person for him.
I’d never be that girl.
“Val, you here?” Rory’s deep voice carries into the bathroom, and I immediately drop my hand from myself and grab the shampoo hurriedly before he opens the door.
“Yeah, be out in just a few,” I tell him and hear the door shut.
Rory’s the only friend I have at St. Augustine and he’s amazing. He’s loyal, kind, and thankfully he likes guys so I don’t have to worry about there being any weird tension between us.
Even though when I first saw him, I could have literally swooned at his feet. He looks like a modern day James Dean. Dark hair, eyes that remind you of melted chocolate, a strong, angular jaw, and his teeth are all perfectly straight and bright white. He’s beautiful. However, I knew from the second he opened his mouth that he was definitely not interested in me, but in the guy sitting next to me in European history. We fell into the easiest friendship of my life. I don’t have to try to be someone else whenever I’m with Rory. He accepts me for exactly who I am and, truth be told, gives me an air of confidence that doesn’t exist when he isn’t around.
I hurry and wash my hair and body, then step out into the chill air. The floor-length mirror on the back of my door is fogged over, but I walk over and wipe it clean with a towel, before wrapping it tightly around myself. Glancing at myself in the still hazy mirror, I wish for a second that I was thinner, taller, had poutier lips. Higher cheekbones, a sharper nose. The perfect eyebrows.
But, I know it’s my insecurities taking hold and it has everything to do with my stepmother.
After drying off and throwing on a pair of sweats and an old shirt, I walk back out to my dorm to find Rory lying on my bed, watching Gossip Girl on my flatscreen. He gives me a small smile but is focused on the TV.
“Oooh, is this part where Chuck gets shot? I swear, I never recovered,” I tell him and plop down beside him on my queen size bed. I cuddle up to his side and enjoy the few seconds of silence before I’m bombarded with questions.
“So, what happened? Is it Mara? She is such a cunt, I swear. I’m so sick of her fucking with you.” He goes off on a tangent. His hate for her is as strong as mine. Not hard to do when she is horridly vile as she is.
“It’s not Mara, shockingly. I haven’t seen her in a full twenty-four hours and let’s thank God. Twenty-four hours isn’t long enough.”
I sigh.
“So, then what actually happened?”
I don’t say anything for a few moments, and it earns me a slap on the thigh.
“Hello, are you on another planet tonight? Jesus, bitch.”
“Can you not curse his name when we’re literally next door to a chapel,” I scoff and shove him back. “So… apparently Rhys Blackwood has decided I’m his latest play toy. He’s determined to torment me…”
He gasps and sits up abruptly.
“Excuse me, what? When did this happen? Wait, he knows who you are?” His eyebrows furrow in confusion.
My gut twists in unease at telling him about my encounter with Rhys, because, by telling him, I’m going to have to leave out some of the truth, and I can’t stand the fact that I have to lie to my best friend.
“Girl, you better spill. What in the hell is going on?”
I let out a deep exhale before gathering my thoughts, “Last week, when I was studying late in the library, after midnight… Rhys and his friends broke into the library. Apparently, Sebastian was with some girl and left his phone on a shelf, and they had to get it. I overheard… something I wasn’t supposed to. Something bad that could get them into trouble, and now he hates me.”
“Okay, but why?” he asks, and my stomach churns.
“It’s just some stupid prank, but he accused me of snitching on him—which I didn’t. I haven’t said anything to anyone, until you right now.”
“So, let me get this straight, he hates you because he thinks you tattled on him?”
He rolls his eyes dramatically, “First of all, what are we, five? Who gives a shit what he and his self-righteous, pretentious asshole friends are doing? I don’t know why everyone is so obsessed with him. They act like he’s a god, but he’s just a regular guy with a few tattoos and a bad attitude. Gross.” He scrunches his nose in distaste. “What did he do?”