I shake my head, “I’m sorry. I just…I feel too much sometimes. I can’t explain it, but I feel your pain, Lukas. I do. And it breaks my heart.”
I laugh, embarrassed, then my face crumbles as I start to cry.
He gathers me in his arms, pulling me into his chest, and holds me tight. And there we stand, in the middle of the cereal section, right beside the Frootie Tooties, me sobbing uncontrollably in his arms.
Embarrassing? I think yes.
This is what I needed all those years ago. Touch. Compassion. Comfort. Lukas has led such a solitary life, and I’m sure he’s horrified by my melting into his arms. The need to be held as I cry and somehow he gets that. Not that I’ll ever be able to say that to him.
Minutes pass, and eventually I release him, backing away, my face a snotty, hideous mess. I lift the bottom of my T-shirt, blot my face, then squeeze my nose into the fabric.
When I finally manage to look up again, Lukas says nothing. He simply removes the strands of hair clinging to my damp cheeks so I can better see. Not that I want to. I kind of want to get the hell out of here, but we have a full cart and people at home expecting groceries.
Breathe, Chloe.
After finally managing to gather my composure, I repeat, “I’m sorry.”
Lukas captures my face in his palms. “I refuse to accept your apology. Never apologize for feeling. Feeling is human, and humanity these days is something rarely seen. Thank you”—he levels his gaze with mine—“for reminding me that it actually exists.”
I nod, sniffling while he wipes tears away, then glances around. God, we’ve got an audience. Some watch with smiles on their faces. Some look like they’re ready to beat Lukas to a pulp. How is that strangers want to protect me but my father never cared?
I laugh, signaling to all that I’m okay, and watch as they slowly resume their shopping. I look back at Lukas, and reluctantly I force myself to step out of his hold.
It’s too much. Not him, but me, my own longing for intimacy. Intimacy with him. Moments in his arms like that make me want more. And it’s not right. Not now. Maybe never. I really need to wrap my head around that.
“I’m okay,” I assure him, scrubbing my face and inhaling deeply.
He waits patiently, and once I’ve collected myself, we turn to continue shopping in silence.
By the time we hit the boxed dinner aisle, the need to speak is overwhelming. So, I decide to pick up where we left off. “You’ve been at Sacred Heart for a while now. Did you find anything worth keeping yet?” I inquire, grabbing a box of Panburger Partner.
He grins. “Yeah, I think so.”
“Is it a lamp? Mrs. Rodriguez does have some pretty kickass lamps.”
He lowers his forehead, laughing while watching his feet, then rests his chin on his arms. “No. Not a lamp.”
I smile dreamily and offer my advice. “You should take the one by the couch.”
He grins. “The one with the pelican for the base?”
“God, it’s awful.” I laugh, picturing its chipped beak. “Surely she’d never miss it.”
We both break into laughter as we roll to the checkout aisle, finally finished with our shopping. I check the list, making sure we didn’t miss anything, which we didn’t. Once everything’s bagged and the total is announced, we’re ten dollars under budget—go us!
I proudly present my hand for the change, but Lukas captures the attention of the cashier with a flash of his finger, a signal to wait. He scans the surrounding options, then digs out a light-up ring from the plastic fishbowl near the register. It’s rubber and resembles a yellow, prickly alien life form.
“And this.” He hands the cashier the ring, while I eye him, curious. Lukas disregards me as he addresses the cashier, who is indeed blushing, a common side effect when in close proximity to Lukas White. No one is immune.
And he has absolutely no idea.
With my hand still extended, I accept the now eight dollars and some change while Lukas happily pockets the ring. The cashier’s eyes flick down to my arms, then quickly rise to meet my eyes. She smiles kindly, and I give her a thankful grin in return.
After the bags are loaded back into the cart, we head to the truck that Lukas has surprisingly managed to keep running all summer. Together, we haul the groceries into the bed. Lukas slams the tailgate shut while I return the cart to the nearest cart corral.
More than ready to extract myself from the embarrassment that was this shopping trip, I turn and my entire body goes still.
Lukas stands before me, his arm propped on the side of the truck, booted feet crossed at the ankle as he leans. His mischievous, lopsided grin is blinding and on full display. His hair is haphazardly styled, his navy blue T-shirt hugs his upper body, and his well-worn jeans are slung low on his hips. I wish I had a camera, or at the very least a cell phone like every other kid my age, just to capture his beauty. Although it’s not his physical attributes I’d be seeking to eternalize.
I would attempt to catch the emotion. Like, the playfulness in his eyes and the ease of his smile. The childlike innocence, joyous and full of life, and the relaxed posture and easy expression I so rarely see. The impact of this, of him, renders me utterly breathless.
Yet again.
I sigh helplessly, doing the best I can. I take a mental snapshot and store it in my memory as I slowly walk to where he’s standing. When I’m about two feet away, I see it—he’s holding the ring he just purchased.
I bite my bottom lip, and grin.
“Well, it’s not Sloppy Joes, but I thought this might brighten your day.” He pinches the ring, and a multi-colored light show flickers beneath its rubber surface.
“Get it?” he prods. “Brighten?”
I laugh, stepping forward to take the ring. “You’re so punny.”
He chuckles, catching my wrist in his free hand. The light-hearted moment passes, morphing into something much deeper, more intense. We look deeply into each other’s eyes.
He angles his head, his eyes so piercing it feels as though he’s looking into my soul. Our gazes remain locked even as he slides the ring onto my forefinger. I inhale sharply when he covers my hand with his, surprised by the gesture, then release my breath, comforted.
Pleased with my reaction, his lopsided grin transforms into a full one. Then, his voice low, he decrees, “To remember the day you filled my heart with your tears.”
Oh Lukas.
He leans in, his clean scent wafting around me as he places a kiss on my cheek. And for the second time today, all air is stolen from my lungs. His lips are soft against my skin, and their warmth sets my cheeks ablaze. My heart hammers and short breaths saw my chest. Much too soon, his lips are gone, their heat redirected to my ear as he whispers, “Thank you.”
I nod against his cheek. His shoulders shake lightly with laughter as he rises. He takes a step backward, but doesn’t let me go. Threading our hands together, he pulls me close and leads me to the passenger side of the truck.
Once I’m inside and alone, I absently touch the rubber bristles of the ring, lost in the moment as Lukas rounds the front of the truck. I drop my stare, momentarily mesmerized by the bursts of color.
Then, I smile.
Well, one thing’s for certain. Although I love this ring and will treasure it always, I don’t think I’ll ever need a reminder to remember today.