I’m so confused, so overwhelmed by the feel of his lips tracing mine, his warm, liquor-scented breath fanning my face, the way his body feels pressed close up against mine.
“Conner,” I whimper. “We shouldn’t—“
“Just give me this, Kenny, please...” His eyes flicker with intensity as he dives back in, sweeping his tongue into my mouth.
It’s too much. His touch, his kiss. I’m a sixteen-year-old girl again, crushing on her best friend. I kiss Conner back, letting my tongue slide against his as I fist his t-shirt and pull him closer. I can’t remember the last time I was kissed like this.
Memories slam into me. Me and Conner. Me and Warren. Soft touches morph into painful ones, and my breath catches as I start to drown in darkness.
“Conner, stop.” I slam my hands into his chest, trying to breathe.
“Kennedy?” His expression falls. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“I-I can’t do this...” Shoving him off me, I sit up, dragging in a shaky breath.
It was silly to think we could just go back to being Conner and Kennedy.
We can’t.
“Is this about him?”
“Don’t, okay?” I snap, unable to look at him, despite the way his eyes drill into the side of my head. “Just don’t.”
“So that’s it? Something happens between us and you run scared? That’s bullshit, and you know it, K.”
I finally lift my gaze to him. “This was a mistake.”
Hurt flashes over his face. “A mistake... nice, real fucking nice.” Conner runs a hand over his jaw, letting out a frustrated breath. “I get that he hurt you. I get that things are—"
“That’s just it, though. You don’t. You don’t have any idea what life has been like for me since you left. You moved here and found this new life, and I...” I swallow the words, because saying them only gives them power over me.
Conner nudges my shoulder gently with his. “Talk to me, I’m begging you, just—"
“We should go.” I stand. “It’s getting late, and Principal Vager will probably haul us into his office first thing in the morning. I need to sleep off this hangover.” A faint smile traces my lips, but he doesn’t return it.
“Yeah, whatever.” Conner clambers to his feet, brushing the sand off his jeans. “You know, K, I wasn’t the only one who flaked out on our friendship. I might have moved out of the Heights, but I wasn’t the one who walked away.”
He takes off toward the parking lot behind the pier.
“Wait,” I call after him. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Conner doesn’t slow down though, and I have to break into a jog to catch him. “Con, I said wait—"
“You’re right,” he grits out. “We should get back.”
My hand finds his and I tug sharply. “Not until you tell me what you meant just now.”
“It doesn't matter.” His expression is a stone mask.
“Conner...”
“Kennedy...”
We stare at one another, unwilling to bend. But the longer he denies me, the more I want to push.
“You’re acting like I ditched you, when we both know that you walked away from me long before you left the Heights.”
Bitter laughter rumbles in his chest. “What was I supposed to do, K? You were his. You were with him. I didn’t want to get in the way of that. So yeah, I backed off. But I never walked away. I was always there.” He gives me a sad smile.
“Always there? You left the Heights, never to be heard from again.”
Conner frowns, and dread snakes through me. “What are you talking about? I texted... you said—“
Reality crashes down around me.
No.
It can’t be—
“Kenny?” Conner’s hands grip my shoulders as he dips his head to look me in the eyes. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“You texted me?” My body begins to tremble.
“Of course I did. You were my best friend and I was in a brand new place, starting a brand new school.” A sheepish expression washes over him. “I needed you. I won’t lie, it fucking stung a lot when you told me not to text anymore.”
I jerk back as if he’s slapped me. “Conner, I didn’t—"
“It doesn’t matter,” he grinds out. “We should go.”
He takes off toward his car...
And this time, I let him go.
We don’t speak on the ride back to the dorms. Conner is sulking, and I’m... I don’t even know what I am anymore.
When he reaches the campus boundary, I say, “Stop here.”
“No way, K, I can drive you to—"
“I said stop here.”
Letting out a hiss of disapproval, he cuts the engine. “Look, I—"
“Thanks for today,” I cut him off. “It was fun, just like old times.” The words are like shards of glass in my throat. “But maybe this isn’t such a good idea.”
“This?” he balks.
“Yeah, you and me hanging out, pretending everything is fine when we both know it’s not.”
“Kenny—"
“Goodbye, Conner.” I grip the door handle. “I guess I’ll see you around.” Shouldering the door, I hurry from the car. I feel his eyes follow me, but I don’t look back. I can’t.
Today was a mistake.
For a second, I’d believed that maybe things could go back to how they were. But it was a lie. A stupid, foolish lie I’d tried to tell myself.
Just like all of this is a lie.
I don’t belong at Sterling Prep. It isn’t the answer to all my prayers.
It’s a temporary fix.
A Band-Aid.
Warren is quiet now, but he’ll come for me.
You don’t just walk away from someone like Warren Kraven. This is probably all part of his sick plan to break me even more than he already has.
I can’t forget that.
I can never forget that.
It isn’t until I’m finally inside my dorm room that I realize that I’ve left my blazer and school shirt in Conner’s car. But I can’t worry about that now.
A soft knock at the door alerts me to Hadley’s presence. I contemplate not opening it, but in the end, I do. Because despite how jealous I’d been earlier at discovering she and Conner had had a thing, she’s the only friend I have right now.
“You’re okay,” she breathes the second I pull the door open.
“Yep, all good here.”
“I can’t believe you did that.” Hadley slips past me without invitation.
“It’s no big deal.” I shrug, closing the door since it looks like she’s staying. “I’ve cut class plenty of times.”
“I’m not talking about that, I’m talking about Lylah... the way you just went at her.”
I shrug again. “She was being a bitch.”
“Yeah, but no one’s ever...” Her expression softens, and I realize she's referring to the fact that I stood up for her.
Or at least, I can see how it might look that way.
The truth is, the second I heard Lylah suggest Conner and Cole were sharing Hadley, something in me flipped. Jealousy had burned through me like wildfire, and I’d been spurred on by nothing but anger and regret... and a flash of possessiveness that I hadn’t expected.