Didn’t Papa always say that the Lord moves in mysterious ways? Surely when I came home with a real husband, he and Ruth would see that this was all God’s plan the whole time. They would take me back with open arms, and I would have a whole passel of babies, and everything would be right again.
Just then I felt a tug on my line. I’d forgotten I was even holding my makeshift fishing pole. The tug turned into serious pulling pretty fast, and it was hard to lift up and bring in my catch without a reel. I did it, though, and it was a big one! I saw this as a sign that I was on the right path with my new idea. God knew my heart, after all. He could hear my thoughts. He was showing me that He approved by sending me this fish. Wasn’t He? Maybe the fish wouldn’t agree, I thought as it struggled and flopped in my grip. I needed to keep him in the water while I built a cook fire, so I cut the line to just a few feet and tied it to a little sapling right on the bank. Poor little fish. He was back in the river, but he was still caught.
I pulled the knife from my pack and found a flat rock to use as a table. I never did like cleaning fish, but I loved eating them. As I scaled and then gutted my catch, I realized I didn’t have any kind of skillet. There was a folded square of foil in the pack that I opened to find was really several sheets stacked together. Thank you, Amber, I thought. She had thought of everything I would need. When I saw her again, I would tell her that she was a blessing. I used one of the sheets to make a little envelope around the cleaned fish, then laid it right at the edge of the fire, where it would cook without burning to a crisp. It only took a few minutes. Before I opened the foil, I bowed my head to pray. For some reason, I felt like I wanted to speak out loud, even though I usually didn’t.
“Dear Heavenly Father, I thank you for this food. Thank you for sending me this fish, and please let me be right that it was a sign from You. I’m sorry I ran away, Lord. I know that You know my heart and You know my fears. Please help me to trust You and carry out Your plan. I believe that You have someone for me. Please help me to know him when I meet him. Help me to feel the way I’m supposed to feel so I can do Your will. In Jesus’s name I pray, amen.”
I wolfed down my delicious catch and felt full of new energy and purpose. I wouldn’t delay any longer; it was time to get where I was going. Whatever awaited in Eufaula and whatever was happening at Lake Point, I knew it was time to find out.
Seven
Since the river seemed to run mostly parallel to the road now, I stayed by its side as I walked. The sound and sight of the water was a comfort to me. I daydreamed about building myself a little raft out of branches and letting the current carry me all the way to the Gulf. For some reason, being by myself on a raft didn’t sound as lonely as you would think. I could see little tree-covered islands here and there out in the middle of the river, and I imagined pulling up to one or another of them and making camp for a night or two. It seemed like time would stop for me if I could make that journey. No one would miss me or want anything from me as long as I stayed off the mainland. I would never get any older either.
I guessed that eventually I would wish for someone else to talk to, though. I’d start to miss my family. Maybe if I had someone with me, that wouldn’t happen. It was hard for me to imagine spending that much time with one person, always together, with no end in sight. How would I know if I had chosen the right person until it was maybe too late? In the Little House books, Laura fell in love with Almanzo Wilder when she was only fifteen, but it took time for her to grow up and for him to take her seriously. Later on, when Laura finished school, she moved to a nearby town and became a teacher. That was when Almanzo started courting her. He would pick her up in his sleigh and wrap her with furs to keep her warm. I tried to think what would be the equal of that in my world, but nothing came to mind except my imaginary raft. Maybe my Almanzo would be a river man, and he would take me for boat rides to court me. I tried to picture his face, but I couldn’t. Then I imagined Zeke Johnson coming for me, riding swift down the river like he knew right where I would be, and my heart started pounding. I knew I would have to learn to separate the idea of love from the fear that I felt.
I decided to change the subject with myself, so I pulled out the Lake Point brochure that Amber had given me. On the back was a map that showed the Chattahoochee flowing right into Lake Eufaula and then back out the other end. Lake Point was right on the lake, but it was up and over on the other side from where I’d end up if I kept following the river. I decided it was time to get back to the road, where there might still be signs that would tell me where to turn off. I had never seen a lake, so it was hard for me to imagine how it would be. I thought again of my little stream near the compound and how it pooled up among the rocks at its end. Although the stream flowed in a way that I could see, the pool seemed still and quiet. Just like the river was really only a bigger version of that stream, would the lake be a bigger version of the little pool? I still couldn’t picture it.
For four days I’d heard nothing but birds, water, and the sound of my own voice singing and thinking out loud, but when I heard the new sound, it barely registered at first. It was far off, just barely a hum, but then I realized it was getting louder and closer every second—a boat. I had been walking along between the riverbank and the tree line, right out in the open, so I scrambled back into the trees and jumped behind a huge live oak that was deep enough in the woods not to stand out but close enough to the bank for me to have a clear view of the river. I wished I could look back in the direction they were coming from, but the trees were so thick I could only see the section of the water that was right in front of me. Who was on that boat? Was it Papa Solomon? Had he seen me?
My heart was pounding so hard I thought I might faint. Please, God, I thought, but then I stopped. How could I ask God to hide me from Papa when I was being so disobedient? How could God be on my side when I was breaking every rule and commandment I’d ever been taught? I might still belong to God, but right then I felt like He did not belong to me. Not anymore. I had to lean against the tree to hold myself up. Was this how it felt to be godless, cut off and alone? I felt terrified, but then I felt something else creeping in—anger. How could God belong to Papa and not me when I was trying so hard to find my way? Well, if I couldn’t talk to Him, I could still talk to myself.
Ami, I whispered, quit trying to read God’s mind and pay attention! What do you hear? What do you see? I tried to figure how far upriver the boat had been when I saw it. I was a lot smaller than a boat, too small to be seen from so far off, wasn’t I? The sound got closer and seemed to be building up to a high-pitched whine until it sounded like it was right on top of me, but I still couldn’t see it. Then the sound cut off so suddenly it felt like I had gone deaf, and something floated into my line of sight.
It was more of a raft than a boat, long and flat, much bigger than I’d thought when I first saw it. There was a cabin like an upside-down box toward the back of it, big enough for a few people to sleep in, I guessed. There were men standing at its railing, three of them, one at the front and one on each side. Another man stood up from a crouch at the back, where they’d rigged up some kind of huge motor that must have made the buzzing sound. He’d turned it off so the raft drifted now, slow and quiet, and then I could hear them talking. They sounded closer than they were, and I guessed it was a trick of sound bouncing off the rocky bank.