“Nothing, Marie, it was my pleasure to do it.” Jane brushed the offer away, but Marie insisted.
“It’s your time, Jane. Don’t sell yourself short,” Marie scowled gently. She wanted to say she wasn’t a charity case but didn’t because she might not be, but her mother was.
“I’m not, I just know how hard you work, all day long. It was my pleasure to help out, really. Keep your money.” Jane pushed the wallet Marie held out away and gave Marie a no-nonsense look. “You deserve an hour or two here and there, you know?”
For the second time, Jane made Marie’s eyes well up, and she nodded her thanks as the woman gathered her things to leave. “Thank you, Jane. I mean that.”
“I know you do, honey. I’ll be back tomorrow.” Jane headed for the door but paused once she had the screen door open. “This won’t last forever, Marie. I’m not saying that to be cruel, but you need to know that. This won’t last forever.”
Jane emphasized the last word with a raised eyebrow and more weight in her voice. Marie took in a deep breath as the words sank in, and Jane left. She knew it wouldn’t last forever, but to hear someone say it, that made it even more real for her. She was in a hard place, where her mother was concerned.
All of her life, she’d been tangled in her mother’s web of hate and love. She’d always wanted to love her mother, and in a way she did. The woman gave her life and made a muddled attempt to keep her alive. The problem was, in between those muddled attempts, Ruby had made life hell for her.
There had been little in the way of affection when Marie was a child. Her mother would rather smack her than hug her. It had worked to keep Marie out of trouble, the fear of her mother’s wrath, and those awful nights where she would rage until dawn, but they’d stripped Marie of most of the love she could have given the woman. A woman that obviously needed to be loved but wouldn’t allow it.
Marie sat down on the faded couch, a pink monstrosity of faded fake velvet, and put her feet up on the coffee table. Her mother couldn’t see her or she’d have never dared to put her feet there. Her whole life had been about fear, she realized, but it wouldn’t last forever. Her mother’s illness had progressed rapidly, and now, she was coming to a stage where she wouldn’t last too much longer.
Sadness gripped her heart and squeezed it so tight Marie could barely breathe. The thought of her mother’s imminent death hurt her, but it also gave her… hope. She hadn’t quite allowed herself to think about that over the years. Her mother would be gone, and she would be free.
It felt like a betrayal to think that, but it was true. For all these years, she’d cared for, nurtured a woman that could barely stand the sight of her. Marie wasn’t stupid, she knew her mother was a mean, vindictive woman that probably needed a psychiatrist, but it was too late now. Help might have come Ruby’s way all those years ago when she came home, back to the small town her mother had been raised in. But, she’d felt herself above the hard-working and kind people of the town. She’d ruined her own reputation over and over again.
The community that so many others enjoyed here was lost to both Ruby and Marie through Ruby’s actions. It wasn’t just the drinking, there were plenty of women that got drunk on a Saturday night, out with their friends or a significant other. No, it had been her ranting, swearing, drunken rages, the affairs she’d had with other married men that had ruined any chance of help from their neighbors.
Marie was left to fend for herself, by most of the people of the town. Teachers at her school would sometimes bring her a sweater or make an extra sandwich for her, things they’d slip to her in her school bag, or when she was preparing to leave for the day. One of her teachers had even helped her to apply to universities, hopeful that Marie would flourish with her writing, but her mother had taken that from her.
As she’d taken everything. Even the clothes that were given to her, if she noticed that the clothes were something Ruby hadn’t bought, that is. Most of the time she wouldn’t notice, but when she did, Marie had to pay for it. Her mother would get out her belt, a special belt she’d bought just for whipping Marie with, and she’d strike at her own child with wild anger, screaming that it was Marie’s fault for walking out of the house looking like a charity case.
When she was young, Marie believed her mother. Everything was her fault, she was the reason her mother’s career had ended, the reason her father died, the reason her mother had no friends. Over time, the truth became clear to Marie, however. It was her mother’s fault, all of it.
Maybe it was her feelings of obligation, rather than love, that drove her now, she thought, as once again, her mother’s voice filled the house with anger. Even in her current state, Ruby was angry. Angry at Marie, at the child she hadn’t been able to get rid of. She could have given Marie up for adoption, but she hadn’t. Marie had often wondered why.
She pulled on a pair of gloves and went back to her mother’s room. She stood in the doorway and looked into the room, lit only by the machines around her mother’s bed. Out of the semi-darkness, a croak of anger sent a shiver down her spine.
“Where have you been, you lazy slut? I’ve been calling you for hours now.” The words were thick, forced out of a throat that didn’t want to work.
“I’ve been here for an hour now, Mom. You just woke up.” It was a common complaint, rather an accusation. She always accused Marie of bad things, mainly that she didn’t take proper care of her.
Marie went to her mother, turned her body to the left, and pushed pillows down behind her to keep her on her side.
“I haven’t just woken up I’ve been calling you.” Ruby paused and worked up a little more energy to rasp out more words. “If you weren’t so ugly and terrible, I’d say you were out with a man, but there’s no man that would want a woman as lazy as you.”
The words stung Marie and made her think of the mystery man she’d seen only a little while ago. He wanted her, she had seen it in his eyes. Interest mixed with something she knew instinctively was desire. Her mother’s lies might still sting, but they no longer worked to convince her she was better off with Ruby.
“Never mind about men, Mom. Just get some rest.” Marie checked the absorbent pads beneath her mother, and her clothing before she left the room.
If her mother hadn’t been so cruel to her, she might have told her about the man, they might have been able to wonder together about who he was, what he did. But Ruby had always been cruel, and now, Marie kept the man a secret.
She wouldn’t say anything about him, not to anyone. She might never see him again, but she doubted that. If he was at the courthouse today, he’d probably moved here. Which meant she would see him again, eventually. And hopefully, the people in town wouldn’t warn him about her. Or her mother, more importantly.
If people told him about Ruby, he’d likely run away, never to be seen again. It would be one more thing Ruby took from her, even if she didn’t know she had. Marie didn’t know a lot about men, only what she’d seen on television, or learned through her own interactions with them. She knew what desire looked like, though, from the movies she’d seen. That was the look that was on his face earlier today, the mystery man. Desire. A man wanted her, and for the first time in her life, she felt that same desire. She just hoped it wasn’t a misunderstanding.