It didn’t take long before I realized no one would come. They came after me instead. They wouldn’t listen to what I was saying. I was a dirty, lost kid and all they wanted to know was my name. They didn’t listen to me. And I couldn’t bring myself to say my name. They couldn’t take me away. Not when I had so much work to do to make up for the bad things I’d allowed to happen.
I decided I had to be the one. I’d be the reason that bad man would lose.
It would be justice for the boy. All of the bad men need to pay and it started with him.
I hadn’t counted on her sneaking in, her hair in wild curls and the smile on her face so pure and full of hope. It had been so long since I’d seen a smile like that. Shock held me in place as the screwdriver in my hand, the longest one I could find in the abandoned place, slipped to the floor. He would have heard; she would have been my undoing if not for her shriek of laughter hiding the dull bang.
What was that sound doing in this place? It didn’t belong here. She didn’t belong here either.
She called him Daddy and ran to him while he cleaned his hands with the same towel that had blood on it not too long ago.
Through the broken wood slat I watched, the weapon at my feet in the hay that I was certain now smelled more like me than I reeked of it.
Conflict took ahold of me for the first time in a long time. I wasn’t sure what to do and the boy’s voice was quiet. I think he would have liked her too.
The man was a monster, but I watched him hold her hand.
I followed from a distance, safe enough to see it all.
The man was bad, that I knew. And he would lose; I knew that too.
My small child’s mind was uncertain where she fit in and where I fit in. Until I came up with another plan, one the boy loved even more.
He can teach me how to kill. He does it so well.
I’ll let the one bad man live for a while. After all, I needed someone to teach me. Who best to learn from than the monster himself? And I couldn’t be the reason the girl stopped smiling. I couldn’t take her father away, not when I knew how much pain it would cause.
Sitting back in the worn leather seat of the marked van, I watch the series of text messages on my laptop. They’re not to me, but they certainly hold my interest.
Everything about her holds my interest these days. I’ve been watching and waiting, not so differently than what I’ve done for years, but for far different reasons.
The dim light of the evening approaches and I’m aware that the residents of this friendly neighborhood will find their way back to their two-story homes on this quiet street. I’ll wave and smile as they pass by in their large SUVs and family vans with little stick figures of their children on the back windows. And they’ll do the same, smiling and waving back. I’ve been told I should have been a dentist because of my smile. Not the electrician I’m pretending to be.
Another message pings on my screen and a shred of jealousy seeps into my blood. I don’t recall experiencing the feeling as much as I have recently. Even back then, when she loved the monster and didn’t even know I existed.
Years passed and there was never a time that I was jealous. Even as I played with the strings bringing Delilah and Cody closer together. I couldn’t be with her, not when I had so much work to do to make up for the mess I allowed as I learned. I had so much to make amends for. But then he kissed her.
And she kissed him back.
I know she wanted him to for a long while. She wanted his lips on hers. She wanted more than that.
I imagine tonight he’ll lean in for a kiss but I’m uncertain if she’ll allow it. Since I kissed her last. I wonder which kiss she enjoys more.
Honk, honk, the man I saw just a moment ago waves me down from the other side of the street. He’s heading the other direction now, the front end of his car parallel to mine and his window rolled down.
With jet-black hair speckled white and wrinkles lining his eyes, he narrows his gaze at me, a harsh crease in his forehead emphasizing his wrinkles.
A smirk is my response as he motions for me to roll down my window. I do and immediately ask him, “You lost?”
“No, no, I thought you might be?” he says with a half grin but skepticism still lingering in his gaze. I’ve dealt with many men like him, so not an ounce of nervousness trickles through. They’re all the same.
I imagine he’s retired, the grandfather of one of the youths who play in these fenced-in backyards. I wonder if he thinks he knows everyone on this street. Maybe he does.
“Not lost,” I say as I shake my head and switch the tab on my screen to the work order scheduled at 47 Lewisville Drive. “I’m just waiting on the Jenkinses for their appointment.”
The Jenkins family has an appointment, but not with me. Before they arrive, I’ll be gone. I’m not interested in their home in the least. This street, however, is one of my favorites for the view I needed tonight. From this exact spot, I can easily see through the back windows of the Italian restaurant a mile down the road, using the camera in my dashboard. Technology has made what I do substantially easier to keep tabs on certain men.
This man is right to be suspicious, but this street will never be harmed. It’s far too valuable to me.
“I’m hoping they’ll be home soon although I’m early. I got done with my last appointment a little early and …” I don’t finish the statement; instead I hold up a half-eaten sandwich.
“Right, right,” he says and the grin on his face widens, acknowledging my lies with understanding. He seems to be a good man. One who’d fill me in if ever I needed to know anything about this street. I wouldn’t even have to pry for him to confide in me. Men like him are proud to keep an eye out and protect the neighborhood. They’re the ones who take it the hardest when something … unfortunate occurs.
I call men like him the birds. They watch, they swoop down to be heroes, but they are so limited when it comes to putting down the dogs.
It’s only once the man, who told me his name is Dave, has driven off do I click over to my tabs on the laptop. First checking the cameras and waiting for Ross Brass to make his entrance. He’s a no-show at the moment, but given who he’s meeting, I’m certain he’ll arrive any moment now.
In the meantime, I read the texts between Cody and Delilah.
I need to see you. Cody’s been relentless. I can’t blame him. He’s worried and for good reason. I haven’t responded to the messages he’s sent me. I’m sure that’s caused some unfortunate thoughts to enter his mind.
I never thought I’d hear you say that. I can practically hear her voice hum the somewhat flirtatious response.
Please, tonight.
It must be more than jealousy that I feel when she gives in. Perhaps … it’s obsession. Although from what I know of that shortcoming, it often comes with anger. And there’s not a bit of it at the thought of her loving Cody. She has such a big heart. I’ve seen her love a monster before. She could love me too. I know she can. But it would be so much easier to love Cody.
The faint sounds of chairs scraping and men with thick accents greeting each other force me to click over to the other screen. It’s already recording but still, I watch and wait. These strings are more important to pull than the ones of lovers.