“Matthew, my loss was never as great as yours. Of course I mourned my poor sister and her family, but I still had my parents and two other siblings. And then I met Mr. Perkins who blessed me with children of my own and in time, my heart healed.”
“I envy you that.”
“I’m sorry.” She withdrew her hand. “What happened was tragic. I did my best to help you through it, Matthew, but you were impossible to reach. In many ways you still are.”
“I can’t stand thinking about it.” He finished his coffee and stood. “Reliving it while I explain myself to Miss Townsbridge would be unbearable.”
“So then?”
“I’ll have to find another way.”
The look on his aunt’s face wasn’t the least bit reassuring, but to his relief, she didn’t berate him. Instead, she wished him good luck and saw him to the door. “You parents would want you to be happy, Matthew. You know that, don’t you?”
He gave a swift nod and departed. Of course he knew this. It was part of the reason why guilt clung to him like a wet blanket. Because he just couldn’t seem to move on as he was supposed to.
Chapter Four
THE BALL HOSTED BY the Marquess of Foxborough in honor of his wife’s birthday appeared to be a smashing success. Standing with her mother, Sarah watched the quadrille that was currently underway. It was two weeks since she’d walked out of Brunswick’s house. Two weeks of indecision and turmoil during which she’d struggled with her desire to try and help him. If she were smart, she’d focus more of her time and energy on the rabbit she’d rescued a few days ago. She’d spotted the animal during a walk in Hyde Park. It had been lying under a bush along one of the walkways. When she’d crouched for a closer inspection, she’d noticed the injured hind leg covered in blood. It wasn’t until she’d brought it home and gotten it cleaned up that she’d seen the teeth marks. From a runaway dog or a fox.
Sarah glanced around the sparkling ballroom. Every man her mother had invited to that blasted garden party was in attendance. None had asked her to dance. In fact, all appeared to be making a very deliberate effort to avoid eye contact with her.
With an inward sigh she turned to her mother. “Will you still love me if I never marry?”
“Of course. It wouldn’t do for your father and me to let all our children go anyway. We need one of you to care for us in our dotage.” She gave Sarah a cheeky smile. “Of course, we did imagine Athena would do so, but we’ll be just as happy with you, dearest.”
Sarah rolled her eyes and nudged her mother’s arm with her elbow. “You’re too hard on her, Mama. Athena has blossomed into a wonderful woman you ought to be proud of.”
“I am proud of her.” Sarah’s mother looked aghast. “Whyever would you think I’m not?”
“Because you always make those little comments - the ones suggesting no man will ever want her, that where she goes scandal will surely follow. It’s really not fair.”
Sarah’s mother pressed her lips together firmly. Contrition tightened her features. “You’re right. I suppose it’s become a bad habit.”
“Well, I think it needs to stop. Athena hears you, you know. She’s not deaf. And although she doesn’t talk about it, I’m fairly sure she thinks you believe she was wrong to stop Charles’s wedding.”
“It did cause a bit of a stir.”
“To be sure. But in the end things worked out for the better. We can all agree on that, can we not?”
Her mother smiled. “You’ve a good head on your shoulders, Sarah. I only wish all these foolish men could see how lucky they’d be with you as their wife.”
“Maybe it’s just as well,” Sarah mused. “In truth, I’m not sure they’d be interesting enough for me.”
“But the duke is?”
“Certainly, though not necessarily in a good way.” Her mood dimmed as she thought back on her last encounter with him. “He’s troubled. So much so I’m not sure I can help.”
“Time will tell, I suppose.”
Provided she ever saw him again.
“Oh, I see Viscountess Ruthridge over there, “Mama said. “Haven’t spoken to her in an age. Shall we go and greet her together?”
A vision of herself as her mother’s lady companion years from now clicked into place. Was this what it would be like? Would she always remain on the edge of things, looking at all the fun being had in the middle while resigning herself to the company of older ladies? She’d never been the outgoing one. That role belonged to Athena. Instead, she was quiet and reserved, always waiting for the right man to sweep her into his arms and fall madly in love with her.
Honestly. She was too old for such fanciful nonsense.
Though not old enough to completely lose hope.
“You go ahead, Mama.” Being a wallflower wasn’t so bad. She liked people-watching and the vantage point was better here than it would be on the opposite side of the room. Or so she told herself. “I think I shall stay here a while longer. The refreshment table is closer and I’ve been eyeing some of the sandwiches.”
“Very well.” Her mother looked across the dance floor. “Your brothers and sisters-in-law will soon be finished anyway, so you won’t lack company for long.”
Sarah knew she meant well, but the comment and what it implied still grated. Nevertheless, she forced a smile, gave a small nod, and watched her mother drift away with her billowing emerald organza skirts trailing behind. Fanning herself, Sarah cast a gaze back to the dance floor. She was secretly glad she wasn’t out there. This particular dance was taking forever. The soles of her feet would have been worn out by now if she’d joined the set.
Thank God no one had asked.
“Miss Townsbridge?” a footman inquired.
She stared at him blankly, then slowly nodded.
He discreetly gave her a note and said, “This is for you,” before stepping away and disappearing into the crowd.
Sarah glanced at the folded piece of paper. She’d never received such a mysterious note before. Unfolding it, she read the brief message.
Meet me on the terrace.
Brunswick
Curt and to the point. No please or thank you. Just the expectation of being heeded. Sarah placed the note in her reticule and moved toward the French doors. Ordinarily, she believed, she would have taken issue with such arrogance. Especially after the way in which they’d last parted. But instead, she felt a secret thrill. Brunswick wanted to see her, so he must have something to say. Sarah couldn’t wait to learn what it might be. She also realized with some surprise that she was ridiculously eager to simply see him again.
She gave her head a little shake as she pushed through the doors. How could she possibly have missed this model of serious aloofness?
Because there’s more to him than that.
What she’d missed were those moments when he’d relaxed. He didn’t strike her as someone who easily smiled, and yet in the brief time she’d known him, she’d seen his face transformed as he gave way to humor, and it humbled her.
Surveying the terrace, she took a moment to spot him, but when she did, the strangest urge to run to him assaulted her. She resisted the pull and slowly crossed to where he stood, slightly obscured in a corner where the torchlight didn’t quite reach.