He shook his head, mirth gleaming in his eyes. “You know deep down, Lis.”
Fuck. No. I…I didn’t. I didn’t!
He opened the door for me and kissed my temple. “I can only guess why you’ve got your heart on lockdown, but I’m coming for it.”
I sucked in a breath and flashed my eyes to his.
He wasn’t serious.
Except, something in his gaze told me he was.
On Friday afternoon, I came home from work and was fully prepared to drop off Aurora at William’s place. Instead, I found both William and Kelly on the sidewalk outside my house. Aurora was there, and so was Mason.
It was slightly possible I’d avoided him a little. I’d dropped off breakfast on his porch before work, before he’d arrived at the house, and I’d sent Aurora over with snacks and more baked goods a couple times, but I hadn’t ventured over myself.
“Hey. What’re you all doing out here? It’s freezing.” I locked up my car and left my driveway.
“I was wondering if you’d put the group chat on mute.” William smiled wryly. “We’re here to work. Mason’s furniture has started to arrive.”
Oh.
I flicked Mason a glance. He was watching me contemplatively. Then I had to look away because he made my brain spin and my heart ache. I couldn’t handle it right now.
“Yeah, sorry.” I cleared my throat and shifted my purse and laptop case from one hand to the other. “I was in a meeting when the kids blew up my phone with their reconnecting. It was sweet and all, but I couldn’t focus on Brady’s new crush on Tristan and budget reports at the same time.”
Kelly smirked. “About the same time I silenced the chat too.”
“Which I figured out too,” William said. “You didn’t bitch when the boys requested lasagna for dinner.”
Who didn’t like lasagna? Weird, weird man.
“Anyway.” Kelly held up a grocery bag. There were two more on the ground. “I bought fixings for tacos. Since Mason’s kitchen isn’t ready yet, mind if we borrow yours, Lissa? Matt will be here to help his old man in a bit.”
Aurora perked up at that.
“Of course, hon.” I stifled a smile and gestured for the door. “Have at it. Is Brady coming up with Matt?”
Both Kelly and William confirmed that he was. Okay, good. Brady could do the heaviest lifting.
“I’m gonna change into better clothes, and then I’ll be around to help out,” I said. “Just…keep William away from my kitchen.”
Mason and Kelly laughed at that, and the sound of Mason’s voice reached my ears too fast, too easily. My senses had become so fixed on him.
“I’ve gotten better,” William defended.
Aurora patted his arm. “You try, Dad.”
I mustered a grin, but it felt forced. I aimed for the door instead and fled to safety in my room on the second floor, where I shrugged out of my coat that didn’t belong up here. I just needed a minute. Or several.
Okay, so Kelly and Matt would cook for everyone, and then we’d help Mason get settled in his house. It would be impossible to avoid him. Hell, I’d get the opposite all weekend. He’d be right there.
I sat down on my bed, dumped my glasses on the nightstand, and rubbed at my temples.
I should’ve confided in Sharon, but to be honest, I already knew what she would say. Last night at spin class, she’d jokingly asked when the wedding was, and my throat had closed up.
Part of me was unwilling to accept that Mason might want something serious with me, but the other part was forcing me to realize it just so I could somehow find a way to derail him. Because I couldn’t. I couldn’t go there. I didn’t have the strength.
Which sucked, because my heart didn’t give two shits about what I wanted or not.
It terrified me to admit how easily I could fall for Mason.
In one short week, he’d invaded my thoughts, my dreams…
At the sound of two knocks on my door, I drew a deep breath and said I’d be out in a minute.
Evidently, that wasn’t good enough for whoev—Mason. Mason opened the door and snuck in, then closed it again.
Goddammit. Seeing him, wanting him, longing for him, while simultaneously growing weary at the sight of him was probably not a great combination. Although, it was more myself I grew weary of.
“I’m almost done,” I insisted.
“So am I.” He smiled faintly and sat down next to me on the edge of the bed. “Tell me how I scared you off, darlin’.”
“You didn’t—” I stopped when he lifted a brow, and I deflated with a sigh. So we were really doing this? Now? With our oblivious family downstairs or across the street? Fine. “Are you really interested in a real relationship with me?”
“I don’t want to rush anything, but yes. That’s what I ultimately want.”
I drummed my fingers across my lips, silencing a dormant part of me that screamed in her best love-sick, fangirl voice. At the same time…the fatigue grew heavier. There was a sliver of hopelessness too, and it made me misty-eyed because I didn’t want to feel that way.
“I joke sometimes,” I murmured, clearing my throat, “that I gave William my best years. But it’s sort of true. Even though I’m happier than I’ve been in over a decade, I’m so freaking tired. I’m wrung out mentally.”
Mason gathered my hand in his and brought it to his lap. “I talked to him about your marriage when I came up in September. Something had been bothering me since I heard you were getting divorced, and I figured it was best to just confront him.”
I knitted my brows. “What—”
“That he cheated on you right before you separated,” he stated.
I withdrew my hand and instantly became guarded. “Mason, he did everything he could. He was depressed for years—he absolutely hated himself. Because he felt he was failing us. Because he felt he couldn’t be what we needed, what the kids and I needed.” I took a breath and let the memories wash over me. “You weren’t there. You didn’t see him. He walked around like a zombie. He once—” Fuck. That one sliced right through me. “I caught him once. He was holding a gun—and I could see… He was really thinking about it. He was contemplating putting that gun to his head and pulling the trigger.”
Mason winced and averted his gaze.
“These bouts came and went over several years,” I went on. “He wasn’t at a low point to the same degree before we separated, but he was heading that way. And that was when Kelly moved back to Camassia—when William was beyond weak and desperate. Now, I’m not excusing his behavior. He shouldn’t have fallen into Kelly’s arms or whatever—but I am accepting that life sometimes fucks us over and deals us a hand we can’t play fairly. He came clean to me right after, and he said we were getting divorced.”
Mason nodded with a dip of his chin and absently cracked his knuckles. “I know all this, Lis. But he didn’t wrap things up quite so nicely—in his favor.”
“I’m not surprised. He’s been blaming himself for everything. But the truth is, he and I had been over for a long time already. I did everything for him. I made sure he ate, I made sure he got dressed in the morning, I reminded him to brush his teeth and take his medication. Kelly returning to William’s life was just the final nail in the coffin.” I swallowed and twisted my hands in my lap. “Luckily, it wasn’t a real coffin. I’m so incredibly relieved—and happy—that he’s gotten a new forever with Kelly. Because I can still have my friend, and the kids have their father back. I don’t want to think what would’ve happened if we hadn’t ended our marriage when we did.”