I step out of the room and head for the lobby. Matty is cradled in Liam's arms. His head rests on his shoulder and he plays with his tie. I take a moment to absorb the scene in front of me. A picture-perfect moment of a father and son I hope will not be sealed in time, but I’ll hopefully see again.
Liam is talking to the receptionist as I approach.
“Hey.” I rub Matty's back.
“Can you believe they don’t have any stickers in this place?” Liam huffs, pushing away from the reception desk.
“Did you find better tasting lollipops?”
“No,” he grumbles, and I know his attitude isn’t about the disappointment about the lack of good lollipops in this office. It’s me.
"Shall we go?" I slap my hands to my legs. Eager to get out of this awkward situation.
"Yes. I need to get back to the office."
“Come on, baby, it's time to go.” I reach out to grab Matty from Liam's arms, but he tightens his hold around Liam's neck.
“No. Li-um carry.”
“I can carry him down to the garage.”
Matty babbles away to Liam as we take the short walk down to the garage. The two are lost in their own little world as I’m walking feet behind feeling like an outsider. I hate how odd this is between us, but I’m thankful Liam hasn’t pushed Matty away like he’s done me.
“My car, my car,” Matty squeals, pointing ahead to a flashy cherry mustang which is parked next to my Honda. The mustang matches the model car Liam gave him, which has also become his new favorite toy. One I have to pry away from him after he falls asleep.
“I’m guessing this is yours.” I draw my finger along the trunk as Liam unlocks the driver side door.
"Yep. This is her.”
“Does she have a name?” I giggle, but he doesn’t find my question amusing.
“No.”
"I thought all guys named their cars."
"No."
Geez. Lighten up a little.
“Wanna take it for a test drive, bub?” He places Matty in the driver seat and Matty clasps onto the steering wheel in excitement with the biggest smile on his face.
“I hate how awkward this is now,” I whisper as we stare at Matty pretending to drive his car.
“I don't know what you expected.”
“I didn’t expect this.” I wave between us. “You were so welcoming to me in the beginning and now…” I drift off. I sound pathetic. “Will it be like this after we get the results back?”
“Depends,” he says sharply. “If you’re telling the truth or not.”
“Right,” I mumble and run my finger along the shining metal of his door handle.
“Plus, I’m your boss. I don’t know what else you want from me. Right now, we have a working relationship.”
“Even that is strained.”
“How so?” He glares at me and it makes my blood run cold.
“I don’t know…” I sigh. I don’t think what he and I had was ever considered normal.
“You’re so hot and cold. You’re being great with him but shut off with me.”
“Because he’s a kid. It’s not Matty’s fault he's in the situation. He's not the one possibly playing me.”
“I see. You’re right. Forget I asked.” I reach out to take Matty from the front of the car. “Come on, honey, we have to go.”
“No, stay.” Matty clings to the steering wheel.
“I have to get going, buddy. I promise we can take it for a spin another day.”
Matty’s lips quivers and his hands fall from the steering wheel. “Don’t go.”
Liam picks Matty up and hugs him tightly. Liam’s eyes meet mine and pain slices through his eyes. It breaks me. He actually cares, though he’s doubting my motives. "I'm sorry. I need to go.” He hands Matty back to me, who reaches back out for Liam. “We'll talk after the results are in." He flings himself into his front seat and closes the door.
“Yep,” I say to myself as he turns over the engine. I watch as he drives off as Matty waves goodbye. The next two days are going to be the longest ever.
Terry sits beside me on a park bench outside our condos. My head is on her shoulder as we watch Matty run around with one of his little friends on the playground, tossing up mulch in their wake.
“Ter, he’s so different now. I’m not sure if it’s the impending fatherhood that has him acting so cold or if it’s just me. Like days ago, he was calling me Red, and this week he can’t even look at me. I’m sure it’s me and he’s thinking I’m out to trap him because he and Matty have bonded. I’ve never seen Matty attach to someone like he has with Liam,” I ramble.
"Wait, back up. He calls you Red? Did I miss that?"
"I migggght have forgotten to mention it. It wasn't a big deal. It was kinda sweet and he only did it once in a while, but now I notice he doesn't do it."
"Why? Why did he call you Red?"
"Can you focus?"
"I will after you give me the deets?"
"He started doing it that night at the Tilted Keg, and I guess it stuck.” I shrug. I never questioned it, and there was something about the way his eyes would glaze over when he would say it which made my insides tingle. I wanted him to keep calling me Red forever.
"Holy hell, he likes you."
"Oh my god. He doesn't. If anything, he wanted to get in my pants again. Now can you focus on the bigger picture?"
“I am. You wouldn’t have mentioned it now if it didn’t mean something. You’re sad because he won’t talk to you. You miss him.”
I stifle a laugh. "I hate you. I really do."
"Then what's it really about?"
"I don't know.” My hands fall to the park bench. “I guess I'm scared. This huge ass change is about to happen if he doesn't run off scared. It’s been just me and Matty for two years and now there's going to be someone else. My mind is going a thousand miles an hour." Or maybe for a moment suspended in time as I told him he was the father of my child...I had hoped we could have been more. I liked him, he gave me a playful nickname, and the room heated up every time he walked in, so yeah, somewhere I fantasized about a perfect family, but all hopes were dashed the second he asked me how much money I wanted.
"Well, you need to chill."
“You're right. I do.” I groan and she swings her arm around my shoulder.
“It will be fine.
My phone rings and I know right away it’s my mother. It’s after five and it’s when she usually calls me for our daily talk.
“It’s my mom,” I tell Terry as I pull my phone from my purse. I miss the call.
“Have you told your parents yet about what’s going on with Liam and the whole baby daddy thing?”
“No, of course not. I haven’t even had time to let it all sink in yet. I’m not ready to explain it to them yet." Which is so unlike me because I’m super close to my mom and tell her everything. She’s the first person I told when I got pregnant by a stranger. She gave me an ear full, then held me for hours and promised to be there for me. My dad, the quiet man he is, gave me a kiss and related the same in many fewer words.