“I... no... we've been taking things slow. We've been on maybe eight dates. Why? Has she slept with you?” I might have to kill him if he's fucked my future wife, our history and friendship be damned.
“No. She has not, in fact. But you seem surprised she's seeing other people. She hasn't given you the no girlfriend speech, yet? Because I got it at the end of month one.”
“What in the fuck is the no girlfriend speech?” We haven't had a conversation about it, but I kind of thought she was my girlfriend even though I've dated women for months before while seeing other people. This just felt different. Livia felt different—like it was something real.
Soren's face lights up as if he's thrilled to be the one to drop this bomb on me. Sharon appears at my side then, leaning into me to make it clear she's with me. She may be a professional, but she is more than happy with whose arm she's on tonight. She has the absolute worst timing.
“Soren,” she says. “It's good to see you again.”
I knew it! I knew he'd taken her out somewhere before. I look back and forth between them, and now I realize the two of us have actually shared this girl. It was a couple of years ago, another boring event like this and we were all drunk off our asses, but it's coming back to me now. It seems like she's looking to have a repeat, and she probably wouldn't even charge us extra for it.
“I'm sorry, Sharon, Soren and I have an important business matter to discuss. We won't be long. If you'll excuse us.”
“Sure,” she says, but her face falls around her accommodating plastic fake smile.
I grab Soren by the elbow and lead him out to the terrace. He jerks his arm out of my grasp as soon as we're outside. The only reason he didn't do it before was that he didn't want to make a scene.
“Okay, now what in the fuck is the no girlfriend speech?”
Soren just smiles at me. At first I think he isn't going to tell me or that he's just making all this up for some reason known only to him, when finally he starts talking.
“She doesn't want to be anybody's girlfriend. She wants the ring. Marriage. Babies, I'm assuming. She wants the whole fucking fairy tale.”
“So? I can give her that. I will give her that.”
“She's seeing other men. She doesn't believe in monogamy outside of marriage.” He says the word monogamy as if it's a curse word.
“What?!?” My voice is loud enough that people inside the museum are looking up from their conversations. “What in the fuck does that even mean?”
“Exactly,” he agrees. Then he adds, “Oh yeah, she intends to keep, I guess a harem of men to date until someone proposes. I guess she plans to eat free and accept presents until someone gives her real security as she put it. It's a nice gig if you can get it. And clearly she has.”
“Why haven't you proposed?” I ask.
He's been dating her longer, after all. I'm trying hard to imagine a scenario in which a woman has somehow been dating Soren for four and a half months and he hasn't gotten laid. But it probably isn't that different than the scenario where I've somehow been dating a woman for three months without getting laid.
Soren shrugs. “I'm not prepared to give in to the little con artist.”
This must be his secret pet name for her. He's called her that twice now.
“Well, say goodbye,” I say, “because I'm proposing.” Then something occurs to me... “Did you ask her to come with you tonight?”
“Yeah, but she already had plans.”
Soren has realized this of course, but it's just now occurring to me that she's probably out on a date with someone who isn't either of us right now. “How many fucking men is she seeing?” I ask, once again nearly shouting.
“Fuck if I know,” Soren says. “Though I'm putting a private investigator on her to find out. Part of me thought she was bullshitting about other men—like she was playing hard to get, but now that I know she isn't, I want a full report.”
He seems infuriated that she's not playing hard to get. Make that two of us.
“Don't bother asking her to marry you,” Soren says. “She's mine.”
I'm about to get into a pissing match with him, but I stop short. I realize I'm enraged right now, but it isn't at Soren. It's at Livia. I've been thinking about marrying this girl and she's been playing both of us, along with whoever she's out with tonight.
Screw this.
Several minutes of tense silence pass. I can't bring myself to go back inside yet because I'm so amped up that I'll only draw attention, and I don't want to deal with Sharon. The whole point of calling the agency was to have someone who wouldn't make demands.
“I should fuck Sharon tonight,” I say.
“If you think that will somehow get back at Livia, think again. She explicitly made clear that since we aren't exclusive I can fuck whoever I want. So I assume that rule applies to you as well. We can all do whatever we want until someone gives her a ring, apparently.”
“We shouldn't let this screw up our friendship,” I say.
Soren appears thoughtful for a moment. “I agree. So why don't we share her? But on our terms.”
It's been a long time since we've shared a woman in any kind of quasi-serious way.
“Like... forever?” I ask because even when we played this game long term it was a few months at best.
“Yeah, why not? You said you wanted to marry her. That seems pretty committed to me.”
“She'd never go for it. She's not the type to go for a triad.”
“Really? Because she's doing a great impression of a girl who can handle multiple men. And who says we're asking her? She needs to understand who she's been fucking with. We should get Dayne in on this. Is he seeing anyone?”
Every time in the past when we've shared a woman in any sort of serious way, it wasn't just me and Soren. It was me, Soren, and Dayne.
“He's seeing some girl named Rainbow if you can believe it,” I say. “It's not serious though.”
“Of course not. Nobody seriously dates a Rainbow. Call him. I have a plan. Little Miss Livia Fairchild decided to play the wrong men.”
I should tell Soren, no. But there's a dark part of me that's tired of the polished, polite responsible mask I've been wearing recently. And Soren always knew how to coax my inner beast out of the cage. The idea of the three of us together again, sharing a woman in something permanent is too tempting to ignore. The part of me that wants to protect her from Soren is outmaneuvered by the part of me that wants her on her knees.
10
Livia
The Announcement
Six months ago. Christmas Eve.
It's Christmas Eve, and I'm standing on my parents' porch, wondering why I didn't call first to soften the shock. I slip inside the front door by myself, trying to come up with some last minute Hail Mary to make this less of the clusterfuck I'm sure its going to be.
“Livvy!” my mom calls out, rushing toward me. She's got a red Santa Claus apron on, and I know she's just pulled her famous soft gingerbread cookies out of the oven—her yearly tradition for the big family meal.