He’ll be okay.
He’s alive.
He’s safe.
I repeat those words to myself as he kisses me, remembering how very lucky we are the bullet didn’t hit a few inches over, finding his heart.
“Bye,” I whisper when he pulls away and reaches behind me for the handle of my car door.
“I’ll be waiting for your call.”
I nod, holding back the tears as I curl into the driver’s seat. I will not cry. I’m not a crier. I never have been and never will be. But if anyone could bring me to the brink, it’s him. Damn JD Saint and all of his manliness for making me weak.
He shuts the door and waves me goodbye as I back out, my eyes going from the cement to him until he is nothing but a speck in the rearview mirror.
He is fine.
I am fine.
We’ll be fine.
6
Mammoth
The compound reeks of stale cigarettes and cheap beer as I stalk through the sea of bodies.
“Mammoth!” Eagle yells across the room, rising from his spot on the couch next to his newest piece of ass. “Fuckin’ finally, man. Where the hell have you been? Texted you hours ago.”
“Yo.” I lift my chin as I jam my keys into my pocket, trying to hide my disgust about being back here. “I went out for a ride in the truck to clear my head after Tamara left.”
“I’ve been sitting here saving a cold beer for you.”
“You sure about that?” I tick my head toward the half-dressed woman he just left. “Looks like you were busy with that brunette.”
“Eh, you know I prefer blondes.” He gives me a toothy grin, nudging me with his elbow. “But my best friend beats cheap pussy any day.”
I lift an eyebrow, knowing he’s full of shit.
“Okay. Maybe you don’t always trump pussy—” he throws his thumb over his shoulder, pointing to the brown-haired woman who looks more like road trash than a runway model “—but you beat that piece of ass.”
I slap him on the shoulder, laughing. “I feel special. Thanks, man.”
“You should, asshole. The bitch doesn’t have real teeth.”
My eyebrows furrow as I stare at him in confusion. She doesn’t have real teeth. What in the actual fuck? “Sounds tragic.”
“Dude, you don’t know what you’re missing. Gum jobs are the best fuckin’ shit ever.”
I blink, wondering if I heard him wrong but knowing I didn’t. “A gum job?” I cringe as my stomach rolls at the very thought, picturing her popping out her dentures to suck his cock.
He stares me straight in the eyes and taps his finger against my chest. “You haven’t lived until you’ve had one. Trust me, brother.”
Somehow, I hold back the vomit climbing up my throat. “You’re really fucked up.”
His smile widens. “Was there ever any doubt?”
“None,” I deadpan as Morris comes to stand beside us.
“I’ll take one of those.” Morris motions toward Eagle’s beer.
“Morris, I need you,” Ginger says from behind us. “There’s someone at the door.”
Morris glares at Ginger. “Who?”
“A woman.” Ginger shrugs, looking like he’s about to run. “She wouldn’t give a name. She’s just standing outside, shaking.”
“Pussy is nothing but a headache,” he tells me, knocking his knuckles against the bar top before he brushes past Ginger, leaving us alone.
I tip my head back, staring up at the ceiling. “Total asshole,” I whisper to no one but myself.
Eagle pushes my beer bottle closer. “Stop pouting like a little bitch and drink up.”
“Fuck off with that bullshit,” I tell him as I grab the beer, guzzling.
“I can make you a spot of tea if you prefer,” Eagle teases. “Now that you’re fancy and shit.”
I give him my middle finger as I take another drink.
“Didn’t think so. This is my last night to drink with my best friend, and we’re going to do it right.”
“It’s not like we’ll never see each other again.”
He raises an eyebrow.
“You’re family, man. You’re welcome in my home anytime,” I reassure him.
“Would Tamara say the same?” he asks.
“She would. She likes you for some crazy-ass reason I’ll never understand.”
He leans forward, beer in hand, resting his arm against the bar. “She’s a good woman. You’re making the right choice. This—” he waves his hand in front of us to the room filled with drunken fools “—was never meant to be your life.”
“I don’t deserve a woman like her.”
Eagle straightens. “You’re the best of the best, Mammoth. Don’t let memories mess with your head.”
“I’ve done some bad shit.”
He places his hand on my good shoulder, squeezing. “You don’t go out of your way looking for trouble. We all make choices in life. Some good. Some bad. Shit happens. We move on.” Eagle’s dark eyes bore into me as he holds my gaze. “And it’s time for you to move on.”
I try to soak in his words and believe what he’s saying is true. “It’s not that easy.”
“Hey,” he says, slapping me lightly across the face. “I’ve never lied to you, and I’m not about to start now. You get as far away from this place as you can, and never look back. You hear me?”
When I came to the Disciples, I needed them. I didn’t feel like I had a purpose after leaving the service. I was a boat without a rudder, wandering on an endless sea of nothingness. “Yeah, man.”
“We’ve all done shit we’re not proud of. Put it behind you. Ball it up tight and stuff it so deep you never feel or think about it again. Do you think those jagoffs would even give you a second thought if you were buried in the ground?”
I draw in a deep breath and close my eyes. “They would not.”
“Damn fuckin’ right, they wouldn’t. They wouldn’t feel remorse or sadness. They would’ve spat on your grave and danced around your corpse. Don’t you forget that shit either.”
“You’re right,” I grumble, not wanting to admit those words even if they are true.
“Imagine if you would’ve died and what that would’ve done to your woman.”
My chest tightens. Tamara would’ve been a mess. For all her sass and attitude, she has the softest heart and would’ve been forever changed by my death. I know this.
“I could use another drink,” I tell him, wanting nothing more than to change the subject and lose myself for a night.
“About damn time.” Eagle smiles, and the wrinkles near his eyes deepen. “I thought you’d gone completely soft on me.”
“Old man, the only thing soft between the two of us is your dick.”
“It may be soft, but it’s still big enough you’d choke on it.”
I laugh. “I’m going to miss your dumb ass. You sure you don’t want to leave this place and join me?”
He bends, reaching underneath to the small fridge, and comes up with two cold beers. “Like retire?” he asks, sliding one of the bottles toward me. “Do I look like I’m ready to retire?”