Climbing back on the bus, I discover we’re in Joplin, just about to cross over into Oklahoma. We have two stops in Oklahoma, then another three in Texas before getting to where I need to be, and it’s going to take forever to arrive, it seems. I’ve never been to these states before and seeing that it’s night outside, I doubt I’ll remember much of it later. I can’t help but be paranoid and take in all the faces I pass, as well as the various cars parked around us. Every vehicle that turns in, I watch like a hawk, but thankfully, none of them are familiar. I need to blend in with everyone else and disappear quietly into the world for this plan of mine to work successfully.
I don’t know for certain if Jack’s father will follow me now or eventually hunt me down, but I’m too frightened to take the chance on either. I always thought he was a nice guy. A little rough around the edges at times, but respectful to me.
Boy did he have me fooled.
But then again, so did Jack.
Our relationship wasn’t going well, to put it lightly, so I thought to spare us both the trouble, I’d move out, and he could pop around to see the baby on occasion once it’s born. I must’ve had my blinders on because the moment I let Tommy into my apartment, a switch was flicked. I’ll never forget the stunned look on his face that quickly morphed into anger when I told him I didn’t love his son or want to be with him. His hand struck out in a flash, and then I was on the floor, clutching my face and crying out in pain.
He’d hit me.
I’ve never been abused by a man before, and I always swore to myself I’d never stick around if it ever happened. I know it is hard to leave, and it’s scary to possibly experience more abuse, but the only way it’ll change is if I do something about it. I have to think of my baby and their future as well as my own. I refuse to allow Tommy to make me his punching bag, and who knows if Jack will end up the same way. I’m not taking any chances, and I refuse to feel guilty for leaving with the baby.
Fuck both of those guys. They deserve nothing from me at this point, and that’s exactly what they’ll receive.
Being patient enough to wait to leave and then getting up the nerve to actually take the leap has been the toughest decision out of this process so far. Having to pretend to Jack when he’s come around that I’m okay and not going to do anything stupid. His words, not mine. Today, he’d stopped over and told me he was planning to move into my new place and allowing the other to go without paying the remaining rent. My teeth had grit together while he had told me his plan, and I was forced to pretend to be accepting of the shitty, irresponsible prospect. I could have fought him on it, but what would’ve been the point? I’ve been pushing him away and telling him it’s over for the past two weeks, yet he hasn’t listened. In it all, I’ve realized I don’t love him, and I never truly have. My feelings were surface-level, right on top to keep me blinded enough, but no more.
I’m awake now, and again, fuck that guy.
Pulling my book back out, I attempt to read and block out all the thoughts, but it doesn’t work. Thankfully, pregnancy fog takes over, and I end up passed out.
The next time I wake, we’re stopped and unloading. I picked a tiny town called Salado to end my bus ride, and it looks like the perfect spot, full of no one I know and friendly smiles as I pass each person.
Sadie’s Haven is supposed to be around this area somewhere, along with a motorcycle club, from what I gathered, but I don’t have any idea where they are exactly. They don’t put addresses on their website, and due to the safety issue, I understand their reasoning. It’s why you have to email them or call ahead to set everything up. Even then, the site says you’ll be picked up at another location completely before being allowed to see the actual place you’ll be staying. It seems well thought out and organized, which I have a great appreciation for.
Doubtful there’s a public library to use the internet here, so I’ll have to ask around. The trouble is, who do I trust? Anyone could give me the wrong address to be a jerk or kidnap me. I’ve read all kinds of stories about the border problems down here, and being a curvy pregnant lady alone won’t work in my favor. One guy could bop me over the head while another shoves me in the back of a car, and then I’d be toast. Lost in the corrupted trade for possibly the rest of my life. I’d rather keep to myself, stay alert, and not be kidnapped or beaten. No thanks.
My feet take me to a small burger place. It’s a tiny hole-in-the-wall type restaurant, but the smells coming from inside have my tummy growling. “All right, tiny baby of mine, you’ll get a burger, but no fries and only water. We need to save money,” I mutter to my belly as I pat it and walk inside. There are colored Christmas lights draped around and a tiny Christmas tree on the counter, making it a bit festive and reminding me it’s literally days until Christmas. “Maybe a milkshake, but only if it’s chocolate,” I reason as an elderly couple flash me a friendly smile. What is it with Texans smiling at everyone? Are they all like this? I grin in return, not wanting to be an asshole, and mosey my way on up to the counter.
“Can I help you, ma’am?” a young woman asks, then blows a bubble with her gum.
Charming. Hope she doesn’t do that while making my shake.
“Hi. I’ll have whatever smells so amazing back there and a chocolate shake, please. Size small.”
“The cook was making a Dirty South. And this early? You know it’s breakfast time?”
“Excuse me?” I crave all things at all hours of the day. This baby does not discriminate whatsoever.
“The burger you want is called the Dirty South Burger.”
“Okay. I’ll take one.”
“Anything else?”
“Yes. Do you know of a biker club around here or Sadie’s Haven?”
She shoots me an incredulous look, her brow raising. “Ma’am, do you have any idea where you are? There’s bikers everywhere here.”
“Right.” I nod, pretending I know as much while digging through my bag to get some cash.
“I got it, sweetheart,” the elderly man says as he hands the cashier his bank card.
“Oh, um... thank you. That’s not necessary.”
The lady by his side nods. “You save your money, honey, and spend it on a Christmas gift for the baby. Buy him something cute.”
“Him?” I ask. I’ve given no clues away to the gender.
She grins, and her significant other chuckles. “My wife ordered the same thing for breakfast when she was pregnant, and each time, it was a boy. We’ve got three of them. Grown now, with their own kids.”
“Oh, the grandkids are so much fun!” The woman cuts in, her eyes sparkling with the love she has for her family. She places her hand in mine, tugging me to the table they were occupying. “We couldn’t help but overhear you’re looking for directions. My Sam and I have lived here for forty-eight years. If anyone can tell you where to go, it’s us.”
“Wow, forty-eight?”
“Yep. Sam, help out this sweet young lady, would you, please?”
“Already one step ahead of you, Trish. I was getting a piece of paper.” He hands us one of the cashier’s empty tickets, turning it over. On the back, he’s drawn me a map. “Now, you want to go back to 35, then this way a little, and you turn here. Go a ways down this road, about ten minutes past a bar on the side of the road. You’ll see a few turnoffs, but you want the second one. The road will disappear between some trees. It looks like it goes nowhere, but the compound’s back there. They’ll stop you at the gate, so think about what you want to say when you get there.”