Safeguarding Kelly(9)
Author: Zoe Dawson

 

“It doesn’t matter. We still have to worry about it coming out.”

 

He looked away from her and swore beneath his breath, the sound filled with frustration and a hint of anger. Her response was as effective as rebuffing every bit of intimacy they’d shared and felt as equivalent of being shot straight through the heart, leaving him breathless and aching.

 

He really shouldn’t have been surprised by Kelly’s reaction. She was…spooked. The only word he could come up with. But he knew that she cared for him. Knew there was something real and honest between them that could grow into so much more if she’d let him in. And that was the problem. Her inability to open up and let him in to all those places that had been empty for so long without him.

 

“Let’s just talk. See where it goes.”

 

Giving her a long assessing look, Jason waited, noticing that she was looking everywhere but at him, and he experienced a hefty shot of confusion. Determined to get their friendship back on track, he opened his mouth, but she finally gave him her answer.

 

“Jason… I can’t.” Her tone was as tortured as the look in her silver eyes. “I just can’t do it.”

 

She pulled away and walked briskly toward the elevator. But she paused and stood there for a moment. Hope blossomed with a painful ache. She looked back at him, her face contorted in indecision. She bit her lip and with a shuddering breath she pushed the down button.

 

But before the elevator opened, before she could escape him, he was caught completely off guard when Kelly covered her eyes with one hand.

 

Calling himself every name in the book, he stared at her, trying to get past the tight feeling in his chest. Why in hell had he pushed her so hard? He heard her take a ragged breath—a breath that sounded too much like a sob for him to ignore, and with his heart contracting, he covered the distance between them in strides too quick to measure. He caught her wrist and turned her into his arms. He gathered her up in a fierce embrace. “Damn it, Kelly,” he whispered gruffly. “You’re killing me.”

 

Drawing a heavy breath, she slid her arms around his waist. “Damn you, Jason,” she whispered, her face wet against his neck, her voice breaking. “You’re making me crazy.”

 

Tucking her head tighter against him, he savored the silky disorder of her hair. Sweeping the black mass back, he cupped the side of her face. “We’ll agree to disagree here.” He lifted her face, so he could see her eyes, his expression sober. “Now that we’ve settled that,” he said, his voice gentle, “why don’t you tell me what this is really all about?”

 

Her black lashes matted, her mouth not quite steady, she looked at him, her eyes so sad and…scared. She stared at him, and the elevator doors opened.

 

“I’ve got to go, Jason. Let me think about it. Just stop pushing.”

 

She pulled away from him and got inside.

 

He was aware this was hard for her, but it was hard for him, too. She held his gaze for a moment, then wiped at her eyes.

 

Realizing she was really struggling, he ran his hands through his hair, resigned. “Yeah,” he answered, his voice rough. “Okay, I’ll back off.”

 

She caught an uneven breath causing a sudden thickness in his chest.

 

The doors closed on her uncertain face, her glistening eyes, and her pleading words. All of that haunted him as he lay in bed later thinking about how things were with them. She had never once tracked him down or sent him any correspondence through text or email, never once called him.

 

And he was completely intrigued as to why. Her reaction since he’d walked into her morgue told him that she was still affected by him. She still had feelings.

 

So why was she acting like this? What was the real reason?

 

He sometimes wondered what his life would have been like if he’d never met her. The thought disturbed him more than he could say. Just knowing that she was living and breathing somewhere in the world had comforted him even through his despair. He didn’t want to think what it would be like if he knew he would never see her again.

 

His throat got thick, and he closed his eyes. He wasn’t going to think about it. Tomorrow was a new day, and he would see her. That would have to be enough.

 

For now.

 

 

 

 

 

Kelly stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, not sure she even recognized the woman staring back at her anymore. Everything was still the same, her gray eyes, now puffy and red from crying through a sleepless night, the almond shape, her long, dark hair, and her nice figure that turned men’s heads. But all she cared about was one man. It was the same song and dance.

 

She was overthinking. Her mother would have told her just the same. But she couldn’t figure out how she’d gotten here…and even more upsetting, she wasn’t sure she liked who and what she’d become.

 

Sure, her father had given her the drive to excel in whatever she’d chosen to do in her life. Even have a baby by herself and conceal that information from the very deserving, very wonderful father. It was to protect him, she assured herself. He would have done the right thing and married her, come clean to the Coast Guard and turned their lives upside down. That would be unacceptable, because it wasn’t just herself she had to worry about or Jason. It was her duty to protect Kiko and being without one parent was acceptable no matter how wrong it was.

 

Who would have believed it? Strait-laced Kelly Hu who had controlled everything in her life had succumbed to an affair with a subordinate…risking everything for…passion. But it was the emotions and feelings he’d stirred in her that were so foreign to her heart. The wanting. The yearning. The need to let him be a part of her life beyond that physical attraction.

 

She drew in a shaky breath and swiped at the fresh batch of tears surging to the surface. Now she was forever tied to him by Kiko. His daughter.

 

And he didn’t know.

 

God, who the hell was she and what had she done?

 

The guilt rolled in and suffocated her. Her self-preservation aside, she’d robbed him of so much. She owed him closure at the very least.

 

With that decision made, she reached for a tissue, wiped at her moist eyes, and blew her nose. She needed to talk to Jason, and she prayed that she could keep it all together when she did.

 

“Mommy? Are you sad?” At the soft sound of Kiko’s concerned voice, Kelly turned around and found her daughter standing just beyond her bathroom door. Quickly, she summoned a smile, but there was nothing she could do to hide her puffy eyes or red nose. “I’m just sad about something, but I’m better now,” she said to allay her small daughter’s fears. She wouldn’t understand what was going on. Which made her feel even worse that Kiko had lost out on knowing Jason through her formative years.