The attendant stopped by and could obviously feel the tension between them as she dropped off the pastries and didn’t offer to refill their coffee. He waited until the waitress was out of earshot, even though they were still whispering so low they could barely hear each other. Alarm bells and warning flags were sending up caution markers right and left. Why him? What was Val’s impetus? Why now? Why the trip? Why the casual meetups for the last few months? Nothing calculated into a solid answer. “Why are you telling me this?”
She stared at him and cocked her head. “Because you asked me why. You deserve the truth.”
“And yet you haven’t answered that question.” He held her gaze and whispered, “Why me? Our so-called shared past experiences aside, why me?”
She let her eyes drop to his lips and then lift back to his eyes. “You felt the connection we have. You can’t deny it.” He stared at her but only nodded. Once. Hell, yes, he felt it, but could it all just be about a sexual attraction? With him? Lord, if life had taught him anything, no one was polite, nice, or kind to him without wanting something. There had to be something more. Some underlying reason a woman as beautiful as Val would pay any attention to him.
She leaned forward. “I’m not playing with you. I don’t want to change you. I’m getting to know a man who intrigues me. I’m touring Europe with him. Yes, perhaps I’m looking for an adult relationship for however long that lasts between us. This trip, a season, a year? Who knows. Or perhaps you don’t find me attractive. I’m not going to lie, I would be disappointed, but I won’t force the relationship if you don’t want it. No matter about the attraction, we’re both lonely as hell. I can see it in you just as I can see it in myself. We can still travel; more will never happen if it isn’t in the cards for us.”
Not a single experience in his life allowed him to believe any of her explanations. No. He looked around. Was she setting him up? Or … God, why hadn’t he … “This is a joke, right? Am I a joke to you? Is all this, the lunches and dinners, a game to you?”
She pulled back a bit. “What? A game? I don’t understand.”
Smithson turned and looked around the lounge. “Look at the people in here, then look at me. I’m not like them.”
Val blinked at him. “Thank God. I wouldn’t waste the time of day on most of the people in this lounge. I don’t consider this friendship a game.”
Friendship? Yeah, he’d guessed that was what it was. But holy hell … she couldn’t be serious. He raked his hand through his hair, frustrated, but kept his voice low, “I am not someone who should be with a woman who looks like you. I am nothing. I have nothing.”
She leaned forward, putting herself within an inch of his face, and tugged on his shirt. He leaned back to put her in focus. Her blue eyes blazed with anger. He pulled away, but she grabbed his shirt and tugged him back before she whispered, “Bullshit. You’re a brilliant man. I’ve seen that, so listen up, Smithson Young. First, nobody, not a soul in this world, is allowed to tell me what kind of man I can be attracted to. Second, you aren’t a nobody. You’re the man who cared for an old woman to pay a debt he didn’t really owe. Guardian took you in to look after Mrs. Henshaw because they knew you could be redeemed when you’d been screwed over by that fucker Simmons. I think you’re sexy, and I’ll be damned if I let anyone tell me otherwise.” She leaned in and kissed him on the lips.
Too shocked to move, he froze but took in every sensation of her lips against hers, her soft body warm against his chest. She finished and moved back a fraction of an inch. Smith tried one final time, whispering against her lips, “Bad shit follows me. You should run away.”
“I don’t run. I never have, and I never will.” She gasped when his arms circled her and pulled her toward him. God help him; he was going to give in to her. There would be a price, and he might not survive it, but damn it, she was irresistible.
He whispered, “I warned you,” before he lowered his head and kissed her.
2
Holding Val was heaven and hell in the same instance. He kept his kiss chaste. She wasn’t the type of woman to maul in public. Too soon, he ended the contact, and she sighed. Her warmth against him was something he steadfastly refused to believe could happen. He’d killed people, and still, having her in his arms fucking terrified him. His heart pounded a million miles a minute, and that fear kept him mute. God, he couldn’t mess it up. Yet, it was guaranteed to go sideways. It always did.
“I’d tell you to stop thinking about it, to take it as it comes, but one thing I’ve learned about you is you examine everything in finite detail.” She placed her hand on his chest. Val was a tactile person. He’d realized that when he’d first met her. Those lingering touches were her way to communicate; he’d written them off as exactly that and nothing more.
He nodded. The situation, revelation, hell, upheaval of his norm would keep his mind spinning. As always, he’d look for the sucker punch. The universe didn’t hand out good things to him without taking its pound of flesh in return. “Critical thinking is a self-preservation skill I developed far too late in life.”
She smiled at him. “Look before you leap?”
He felt the corner of his lip tick up. Val could make him smile despite himself. “Something like that.” More like if you want to live, make sure you know who’s pulling the strings and why.
“Well, you’re still alive, so you didn’t learn the lesson too late.” Her soft laugh eased the caution moving through his veins as sure as his blood circulated through his body. He’d sworn to himself that he’d never be placed in a compromised position again. And yet, there he was.
Falling head over heels in lust with Val, the first time he’d seen her at Mrs. Henshaw’s apartment all those years ago had taken him by surprise. Guardian had appointed him Mrs. Henshaw’s caretaker. The old woman had been adopted by several of Guardian’s operatives when her family had basically forgotten she existed. Being her caretaker was a penance and a pleasure, and she became the mother figure he’d never had.
Val visited Mrs. Henshaw regularly, like several others, but he looked forward to her visits and the brief time in her presence. Her beauty, elegant grace, and pure sophistication placed her in a category of women he hadn’t associated with in over twenty years. Twenty hard years filled with death and violence. He’d survived in the sewer and associated with rabid animals. He was no longer worthy of holding her or any other lady of her ilk in his arms. He closed his eyes, hoping his life of filth didn’t invade Val’s world. He’d tried to warn her.
“Oh, I have something for you.” She moved away from him and reached into her bag. He recognized the Hermes brand. His mother preferred Hermes. The one Val was digging through probably cost six figures. Another reason he shouldn’t be with her.
She pulled out a small pearl inlaid box and opened it. “Here.” She placed a small device in his hand.
“This is?” He looked at her and then at the earpiece.
“Communications. I don’t know about you, but aircraft noise is not my favorite thing to talk over. We’ll be able to talk and hear each other with these, and no one else will be a part of our conversation.” She slipped hers into her ear. “Don’t worry. We’re not being monitored right now.”