I’m a fool and she paid the price.
The image of her in the water will be forever engraved in my mind and it haunts me as I lie here. This is all my fault. I’ve made everything way worse than it ever needed to be.
All because of what? Because she made my dick hard and brought on feelings from far too long ago before I knew shit and still had hope for something else? It was all a mistake.
And now I’ve fucked us both.
The bed groans as I slowly climb out of it, easing the covers off with care before staring down at her sleeping form. Everything aches with the dread of what’s to come. With only pajama bottoms on, I head to the bathroom. Before leaving my bedroom, I quickly slip on an undershirt and grab my phone.
I only hesitate a moment after the door closes with a quiet click. There’s no way to lock it from the outside. I settle on a simple truth: if she leaves that bed after I told her not to, she’ll seal her own fate. My heart thuds dully as I make my way down the hall. So much is riding on her actions. There’s too much I can’t control, too many people aware she’s been spared, too many eyes watching and waiting.
With exhaustion weighing me down and an unsettling feeling warning me that things have gone too far and the situation’s out of my hands, I go to the only place I know is safe.
A bit of hope glimmers when I notice light peeking from under Carter’s closed door.
Swallowing thickly, I knock lightly and he must’ve seen my approach on the monitor because he calls out for me to come in straightaway.
It’s an odd feeling that comes over me as the door creeps open. It’s a nostalgia of sorts, like when we first had the estate built over a decade ago. When Carter gave every order and all I had to do was what I was told. When my brothers protected me and I obeyed without question, wanting nothing more than to remain in their shadows. Time has changed everything.
Carter’s dark but tired eyes stare back at me, the glow of his laptop screen the only light other than a floor lamp in the far corner. Old books line the left side of his office, while art from Aria covers the right wall in its entirety.
She’s changed him in more ways than he knows.
“Can’t sleep,” I offer and he gestures for me to sit in one of the two leather wingback chairs across from him.
“Same,” he answers grimly before closing the laptop. The thick curtains behind him are parted and the moonlight filters in.
As I take the seat opposite him, I remember how he looked at Braelynn from across the kitchen. How he looked at us. The regret sours to something else. Something sickening that I can’t place. He must read it in my expression because his own changes, reflecting both authority and remorse.
It’s quiet far too long, both of us waiting for the other to speak first. His thumb taps against the hard surface of his desk before he takes in a steadying breath.
His lips part but instead of talking, he clears his throat and then glances at the door before looking back to me.
“Tell me what you need,” he says, finally breaking the silence. He’s wise not to mention her. There’s something inside of me that dares him to say her name. That dares him to question me keeping her. Even though I know damn well what I’ve done is fucked.
I start with the most troubling issue outside of Braelynn and me. “I don’t know how to cover what happened to Ronnie.”
“Who all saw?” Carter questions.
“Nate and Hale.” Our conversation is clipped and blunt as I grip the armrests and do everything I can to stay calm and still.
“Nate will understand that you lost it,” Carter says easily and then seems to second-guess his wording.
I wave his nervous look off. “I did. I lost control,” I admit.
He studies me a fraction of a second before nodding. “Hale was closer to Ronnie, correct? He’ll need an explanation. Perhaps Ronnie was given specific instructions that she wasn’t—” He sucks in a sharp breath when he realizes he brought her up. “Tell Hale that Ronnie did something which directly contradicted your orders. That is the only explanation that will settle him … for the moment. Bring him in closer, make sure he knows he’s safe and valued, and that you wish you’d told him in advance what you planned to do, since Ronnie had a history of willful disobedience. Unless he’s already confided in others. It’s been hours. Something like that is hard to keep quiet among men who are loyal to each other.”
It’s a difficult pill to swallow. Sacrificing good soldiers and then lying to cover up my own mistakes. A numbness comes over me as I nod slowly and respond, “I understand.”
“Do what you have to. It’s either that or Hale also needs to be silenced.”
“Understood,” I say and nod, not content with either option but knowing it has to be done. This blood is on my hands. All of this is for her and in direct opposition to how the family operates. Our system only works because we provide for those who work for us. We have control and there are no questions or concerns as a result. We give an order, they comply, and in return they are paid well and their families are protected. It’s very simple. Anything unexpected, especially if it can be perceived as a threat, disrupts the delicate balance. Like killing a man who was only doing his job.
That sickening feeling spreads further through me. My gaze falls to the grain in the desk as I wonder what lie would satisfy the fear of being murdered in cold blood.
“It will blow over,” Carter reassures me. “They want to believe it will never happen to them. That they are in the inner circle. Tell a lie, no matter how outrageous, and they will cling to it. It being true is the only thing that keeps them feeling safe.”
I nod, knowing he’s right. “I’ll do what needs to be done.”
Carter nods once, slowly, but his gaze doesn’t leave mine. It’s obvious the question is on the tip of his tongue. Cocking a brow I wait, knowing it’s unlike him to hold back. But it’s also unlike me … to do any of this shit. I don’t create chaos, I fix it.
“What happened tonight?”
A lump forms in my throat as I picture her in the ice bath again, on the verge of death. The moment it all turned red.
“You shouldn’t have watched,” Carter comments as if he saw it too. As if he read my damn mind.
“I needed to hear her say it,” I start, my mind going back to that moment when I heard her scream my name. I’ll never know the feel of the ice, but my body goes cold from the thought.
“She will never say it now. Not if you come running to stop interrogations.”
“Careful,” I warn him, every muscle in my body tensing.
The shock from earlier seems to be lessened, but still my brother’s eyes widen slightly. My grip tightens on the chair and I force my back to press into the seat.
“I want to be certain. She did it—there is no way that information reached the feds unless she is the one who gave it to—”
“I know,” I say, cutting him off. “I know, but it still doesn’t feel right.”
“Betrayal never does.” He’s quick to put forth the advice.
“What are you going to do with her?” he asks and I can’t answer. I don’t know. All I know is that I don’t want her to die. If she’s truly an informant, though …