“Kennedy?” I said and pressed my hand against the wooden door.
“Please, lower your voice,” she said with a sob.
She was definitely sitting on the ground by the door. I knelt down. “Kennedy, open the door,” I said a little quieter.
“I made a mistake, Matt,” she whispered through her sobs. “I knew I should have never kissed you. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.”
Sorry? Why was she sorry about that? Kissing her was the best thing I’d done in years. “Kennedy, let me in.”
“I…I can’t. Please just go.” Her voice shook with each word.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“I can’t let you in.”
“Okay. Then come out.”
“No,” she said through her sob. “You have to go.” There was so much pain in her voice.
“Kennedy, I’m not going anywhere until I see you.” I needed to pull her into my arms. I needed to tell her than no matter what was wrong, she had me now. We were an us. I wanted to take away her pain.
“Matt, please, I can’t do this. Please just go.”
“I don’t know what’s going on, but I know what’ll make you feel better. I have fries.”
There was a muffled sob. “You can leave those by the door.”
“Kennedy, you’re being ridiculous. Let me in right now, or…I’ll knock down the door.”
“No you won’t.”
“Yes I will. I’m dead serious.” This door looked pretty flimsy, honestly. I made a mental note to get the Alcarazes a more secure door.
My threat was greeted by silence.
“Okay. I’m doing it,” I said. I set down the fries and flowers and stood up.
But before I could ram my shoulder into the side of the door, Kennedy opened the door the tiniest crack and squeezed through. She gently closed it behind her. Her eyes were red and the tears weren’t even dry on her cheeks. She looked like she might be sick. But I didn’t even care if it was contagious. I needed her in my arms.
I pulled her close, but felt her hand against my chest, pushing me back.
“Kennedy…”
“Please don’t touch me,” she said through another sniffle.
I took a step back, even though it pained me. I’d always listen to her telling me no. I knew what she’d been through. And I wouldn’t put her in that position again.
She folded her arms across her chest, but it wasn’t in anger. It was more like she was hugging herself. Holding herself together. She was looking down at the ground, like she couldn’t even look at me.
“Kennedy.” What the hell was going on? What happened to the flirtatious texts? We were on the same page here. I knew that we were. What the hell had happened in the last half hour? “Kennedy?” I said a little softer.
“We’re done, Matt,” she said.
“What?”
She finally looked up at me. And her eyes didn’t match her words. She looked like she wanted to be back in my arms. Like she wanted me to kiss away the tears on her cheeks.
“Baby…”
“Don’t,” she said more firmly. “I’m so sorry. About all of it. I wish I could just undo the last few days. I just want to undo them.” The tears started streaming down her cheeks again.
“How can you say that?”
She just shook her head.
“Whatever you think is wrong with us…we can work it out.”
“Matt, we were always meant to be friends. Nothing more.”
Every word out of her mouth was a complete lie. I needed to pull her into my arms. I needed to show her that she was wrong. But she’d told me not to touch her. And I couldn’t. I couldn’t cross that line when she’d told me no.
I felt paralyzed. I needed to make her understand how wrong she was. So I said the first words that popped into my head: “I love you.”
She shook her head. And her bottom lip trembled as she tried to hold it together.
“I’m in love with you,” I said again.
“No. You’re not.”
“Yes I am.”
“Matt,” she said. “No. Take it back. Take it back,” she sobbed.
I couldn’t bear it. I knew she’d told me no. But she was breaking right in front of me. And I wanted her to know that I’d be there to catch her when she fell. I put my arms around her again.
For a second she tried to push me away, but then she melted into me. She sobbed into my shirt. Her back shook with her breaths and I just held her tighter.
She was crazy if she thought I’d ever walk away from her like this. She needed me. And God, I needed her too.
Chapter 2
Saturday
Brooklyn
Sixteen years ago, my father ruined my life. I never should have given him a chance to ruin it again.
And I definitely wasn’t going to give him a third chance.
The gun started shaking in my hand when I heard footsteps on the other side of the door.
I knew I was doing the right thing.
My father was a monster.
And for half my life, he’d convinced me that I was too. That everyone was better off with me dead. It didn’t matter whether it was true or not. What kind of father did that? What kind of father tore his daughter down instead of building her up? He’d known how broken I was after my fight with Matt. He’d known I was vulnerable. And he’d taken advantage of me. He’d never loved me.
He’d told my mother to get rid of me.
He’d stolen my kidney.
And I forgave him. I let it go. But I couldn’t ever forgive him for what he’d done to Miller.
No.
Never.
Nunca.
My father was a monster. And he deserved to die. Miller deserved justice. Jacob deserved that for his father. I had to do this. For Jacob. For Miller. For myself.
I took a deep breath to steady my hand. And then I cocked the gun as the door slowly opened.
My father was standing there in some weird little nightcap and nightgown. I would have laughed if I wasn’t so fucking angry with him. He’d just ruined my life for the second time. I’d been happy back in high school before he kidnapped me. And I’d been happy now in my life with Miller.
Why did he have to do this to me? Why was he always trying to break me? Why couldn’t he just let me live my life? I clenched my jaw to try to stop the looming tears.
“Angel,” he said with a sad smile.
My hand started shaking again. He looked ridiculous. And the sad smile on his face just made the whole thing even more ridiculous. Why was he sad? I was the one that was sad. He’d taken everything from me. For a second time. I was barely holding on.
“You’re okay.” He put his hand to his chest. “Thank goodness you’re alright.”
Thank goodness? I couldn’t tell whether he seemed surprised or confused. But tears started forming in his eyes. And I had the oddest sense that he was…relieved. It wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. He wasn’t supposed to be relieved that I was okay. He’d been trying to kill me. He was probably just trying to throw me off because I had a gun pointed in his face.
I tried to steady my shaking hand. “Yeah, I’m okay. No thanks to you.”