Or will I always have an Atlas-shaped hole in my heart unless I allow him to fill it?
He’s expecting me to text him, but I think I need more time to process this. I don’t even know what to say to him. I don’t know what to do.
I’ll let you know if I figure it out.
Lily
Chapter Three Atlas
“ ‘We finally reached the shore’?” Theo says. “You actually said that to her? Out loud?”
I shift uncomfortably on the couch. “We bonded over Finding Nemo when we were younger.”
“You quoted a cartoon.” Theo’s head roll is dramatic. “And it didn’t work. It’s been over eight hours since you ran into her, and she still hasn’t texted you.”
“Maybe she got busy.”
“Or maybe you came on too strong,” Theo says, leaning forward. He clasps his hands between his knees and refocuses. “Okay, so what happened after you said all the cheesy lines?”
He’s brutal. “Nothing. We both had to get to work. I asked if she still had my number, and she said she had it memorized, and then we said good—”
“Hold up,” Theo interrupts. “She has your number memorized?”
“Apparently so.”
“Okay.” He looks hopeful. “This means something. No one memorizes numbers anymore.”
I was thinking the same thing, but I also wondered if she memorized my number for other reasons. Back when I wrote it down and put it in her phone case, it was for an emergency. Maybe part of her feared the day she’d need it, so she memorized it for reasons that had nothing to do with me.
“So, what do I do? Text her? Call her? Wait until she reaches out to me?”
“It’s been eight hours, Atlas. Calm down.”
His advice is giving me whiplash. “Two minutes ago, you acted like eight hours without a text was too long. Now you’re telling me to calm down?”
Theo shrugs and then kicks my desk to make his chair spin. “I’m twelve. I don’t even have a phone yet, and you want my opinion on texting etiquette?”
It surprises me that he doesn’t have a phone yet. Brad doesn’t seem like he would be a strict father. “Why don’t you have a phone?”
“Dad says I can have one when I turn thirteen. Two more months,” he says wistfully.
Theo has been coming to the restaurant a couple of days a week after school since Brad’s promotion six months ago. Theo told me he wanted to be a therapist when he grows up, so I let him practice on me. At first, the talks we would have were intended for his benefit. But lately, I feel like I’m the one benefiting.
Brad peeks his head into my office in search of his son. “Let’s go. Atlas has work to do.” He motions for Theo to stand up, but Theo just keeps spinning in my desk chair.
“Atlas is the one who called me in here. He needed advice.”
“I’ll never understand whatever this is,” Brad says, pointing between me and Theo. “What advice do you get from my son? How to avoid your chores and win at Minecraft?”
Theo stands up and stretches his arms over his head. “Girls, actually. And winning isn’t the point of Minecraft, Dad. It’s more of a sandbox game.” Theo looks over his shoulder at me as he’s leaving my office. “Just text her.” He says that like it’s the obvious solution. Maybe it is.
Brad yanks him away from the door.
I settle back into my desk chair and stare at my blank phone screen. Maybe she memorized the wrong number.
I open her contact and hesitate. Theo could be right. I could have come on too strong this morning. We didn’t say much when we ran into each other, but what we did say had meaning and intent. Maybe that scared her.
Or… maybe I’m right and she memorized the wrong number.
My fingers hover over my phone’s keyboard. I want to text her, but I don’t want to pressure her. However, she and I both know our lives would have turned out so different if I hadn’t made so many missteps with her in the past.
I spent years making excuses for why my life wasn’t good enough for her to be a part of it, but Lily always fit. She was a perfect fit. I refuse to let her walk away this time without a little more effort on my part. I’ll start with making sure she has my correct number.
It was good seeing you today, Lily.
I wait to see if she’s going to text me back. When I see the three dots pop up, I hold my breath in anticipation.
You too.
I stare at her response for way too long, hoping it’ll be accompanied by another text. But it isn’t. That’s all I’m getting.
It’s only two words, but I can read between the lines.
I sigh in defeat and drop my phone onto my desk.
Chapter Four Lily
Mine and Ryle’s situation has been an unconventional one since Emerson was born. I don’t think many couples file divorce papers at the same time they sign their newborn’s birth certificate.
As much as I was disappointed in Ryle for being the thing that forced me to have to make the decision to end our marriage, I didn’t want to prevent him from bonding with our daughter. I cooperate with him as much as I can since his schedule is so hectic. I sometimes even take her to his work to visit him on his lunch break.
He’s also had a key to my place since before Emerson was born. I only gave it to him because I lived alone and was afraid I’d go into labor and he’d need access to the apartment. But he never gave the key back after her birth, even though I’ve been meaning to ask him for it. He sometimes uses it on the rare occasions he has a late surgery and has extra time to spend with Emmy in the mornings after I head to work. That’s why I haven’t asked for it back. But lately, he’s been using the key to bring Emmy home.
He texted me just before I closed the shop earlier and told me Emmy was tired, so he was taking her to my place to put her to bed. The frequency he’s been using the key lately is making me wonder if Emmy is the only one he’s trying to spend more time with.
My front door is unlocked when I finally make it to my apartment. Ryle is in the kitchen. He glances up at me when he hears the front door shut.
“I grabbed dinner,” he says, holding up a bag from my favorite Thai place. “You haven’t eaten, have you?”
I don’t like this. He’s been making himself more and more comfortable here. But I’m emotionally drained from the day already, so I shake my head and decide to confront the issue at a different time. “I haven’t. Thank you.” I set my purse on the table and pass the kitchen, heading for Emmy’s room.
“I just laid her down,” he warns.
I pause right outside her door and press my ear to it. It’s quiet, so I back away from the door and head into the kitchen without waking her.
I feel awful about my short response to Atlas earlier, but this interaction with Ryle is confirming all my concerns. How am I supposed to start something with someone new when my ex still brings me dinner and has a key to my apartment?
I need to set firm boundaries with Ryle before I can even begin to entertain the idea of Atlas.
Ryle chooses a bottle of red wine from my tabletop wine rack. “Mind if I open this?”