“No, I was talking about getting the ball rolling on our wedding.” My head shakes back and forth. I draw in a breath and release it before continuing. “No, you told me we’re going to Vermont. You didn’t ask if I wanted to go.”
“Why would I ask, Ben? You’ve literally spent every holiday with my family since we were in high school. Why would I assume you wouldn’t go on this trip?”
Elle leaves and heads into the kitchen. She opens cupboards and drawers and then slams them shut before storming back into the room. “Know what I don’t get? Where all of this is coming from. Things are fine with us, we’re happy. We’re living a great life, why do you want to change everything?”
“I don’t want to be like your parents,” I tell her.
Her mouth drops open. “You don’t want to be happy? What kind of nonsense is that?”
I sigh and look at her. “You know what I mean.”
“I’m not sure that I do. I feel like I’m beating a dead horse here because I don’t understand where all of this is coming from. Last week our biggest issue was whether you’re buying a gas or electric Range Rover, and now all of a sudden, it’s setting a date. Honestly, I’m confused. We agreed to a long engagement until our careers were where we wanted them to be. You’ve switched your career path from working for someone, to going freelance, to going back to corporate. That doesn’t seem settled to me. And now, you’re fighting with me about setting a date that may or may not work for the venue we agreed upon. More so, one that you chose. So, help me out here, Ben. Is there something else going on?”
I shake my head. “I’ve changed my mind.”
“About us?” Elle’s voice cracks.
“No, about a long engagement. I’m entitled to change my mind, right?”
“Why are you so hostile right now?”
“Because I don’t feel heard, Elle.” My voice raises in frustration. “This is something I want, and it shouldn’t even be something that has to be discussed until we’re blue in the face. My wants should be important to you.”
“They are,” she says quietly.
“Peyton and Noah didn’t have a long engagement,” I point out.
Elle scoffs. “Peyton and Noah knew they were getting married when they were kids. They’re hardly an example to use.”
“And I’ve known I wanted to marry you since high school. I get that it took you a bit longer to figure it out, but you did and now here we are. Why don’t we go to the courthouse in the morning and get married?”
“That’s an unfair request.”
“Why?” I counter.
“Because I want my family there. I want my dad to walk me down the aisle. I want my sister to stand next to me. Jesus, Ben! Do you even hear yourself right now?” She stands there for a moment, rubs her temples, and then turns to leave.
“Where are you going?”
“To the store. I think we need some space before we say something stupid. I’ll FaceTime you when I’m there and you can pick out the jacket you want.”
“I’m not going,” I tell her.
“Clearly, since I just said we need some space.”
“No, Elle,” I pause and wait for her to come into view. “I’m not going on this trip.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“What do you expect me to tell my family?”
I shrug, not caring. “Tell them I moved out.”
“Over a fucking wedding date! Are you serious right now? I’ll set the damn date after the first of the year, why does it have to be today? You know full well we’ll have to change it because you have to check with the venue first. Jesus Christ, Ben. What in the hell is going on?”
“I’m just done.” My shoulders sag when my brain registers what I’ve said. I don’t quit. I don’t give up, but this time I am. Right now, it feels like the weight of the world rests on my chest, and there isn’t anything I can do about it, except quit. Quit everything.
“You’re done?”
I nod. “I think I am.”
“Wow,” she says. “Just like that?”
I shrug, my voice flat and without emotion in my reply. “I’ll be out by the time you get back.”
Elle shakes her head. “Don’t bother.”
2
ELLE
Ben’s phone rings in my ear. I’ve lost count of the number of rings that sound out before his voicemail picks up. His voice is gone, and in its place is a generic computerized one telling whoever calls that it hopes they have a great day, and their call will be returned shortly. I hang up and press the green button to connect my call again. In the other room, my family chatters about Noah’s football team and how they’re doing really well. And just like every year prior, there’s hope that the Pioneers will go to the Superbowl. This time, I leave a message telling Ben when my plane will land. Peyton and Noah fly back before anyone else, and Quinn and Nola are heading to her parents until after New Year’s. Jimmy, Jenna, and Eden are heading to Hawaii to finish off Eden’s winter break. The Westburys and my parents are flying to Beaumont for the rest of the holiday. There are a lot of people who want to meet baby Oliver.
I lean against the window and stare into the dark sky. It’s a clear night, and I can see the stars—a rarity in California. Ben would love it here. I don’t think he’ll ever understand how missed he was at Christmas. I have a pile of presents to bring home to him. Most of them are from my mom. She loves him like he’s her son. And he missed meeting Oliver. I can’t wait to introduce Ben to the baby. He’s going to love him. I look down at my phone and wipe a fallen tear. Ben will never understand how hurt I am that he decided not to come. I can’t even remember the last time he wasn’t at a holiday or family function.
There’s a knock on the door, and then it opens. I glance at my mom, carrying Oliver in her arms. “He’s sleeping,” she whispers as she lies him down in his playpen. She comes over to me and pulls me into her arms. “What’s wrong?”
I shrug and let out a small sob. “Ben missed so much on this trip.”
“I know. But we can celebrate Christmas when we get back home. It doesn’t have to be on the day itself. Besides, I’m sure his mom loved having him home.”
I hate lying to my family. “I hope she treated him well.” I already know she didn’t. She rarely sends him anything, and he’s always the one who has to reach out to her. I swear, it’s like she can’t be bothered.
My mom stays for a few more minutes before heading back to the other room. I make my way over to Oliver and sit in the chair next to his bed. This little boy has no idea how lucky he is. It’s not because my parents can provide for him, it’s because they are the best parents in the world. They have so much love to give. I’m honestly surprised it’s taken them this long to add to our family. I’m sure with raising Quinn, Peyton, and I, they probably thought they were done, but here they are, taking on a baby when Peyton is trying to make them grandparents.