“Quick, bring the servants, I shall need some smelling salts. Where is my cravat? Where is my Foppish Ascot? If I cannot drive my Foppish Ascot 3000 in the NASCAR race, I will truly despair!”
“What the hell?” I say.
“I don’t know what’s happening.” Barclay’s stabbing buttons on the phone as the voice goes on. It’s almost an out-of-body experience. “Seems to be a phone number in the US.”
Arnold simply unplugs the whole system.
Dead quiet.
People stare at me, waiting to see what I’ll do. People are always staring at me, wondering what terrible thing I’ll do.
Finally. I’m feeling like myself again.
Arnold tries a tentative smile. “A bit of joviality,” he tries.
Barclay waves away the mocking voices. “The call was a great success. I’m already getting messages and texts congratulating and thanking you.”
I’m shown said texts and messages, and it appears that the whole world loved the speech.
Except for the Grey Poupon woman.
Charley stands. “I, for one, am ready for a cocktail.”
“Me too,” I say.
“As for whoever that was, naturally, that person will be ferreted out and fired,” Barclay says.
“No need. I’ll handle it,” I say.
Everybody stares at me, dumbfounded.
“What?” Charley says.
“Find out who it is. I’ll take it from there,” I say.
“What do you mean?” Barclay asks.
“I mean, identify the person and tell me who it is,” I say. “And I’ll take the punishment from there.”
Charley looks baffled. “What are you going to do?”
“Whatever I damn well please,” I say casually.
“No doubt that it was clear insubordination,” Barclay says nervously. “Misguided if not deeply insulting, no doubt about that. But to go to such lengths to personally fire her—”
“I didn’t say I’d fire her,” I say.
Barclay looks relieved.
“I said I’d punish her. I may have her drawn and quartered. Maybe strung up by her thumbs. And there’s always a piranha pool. There are many ways to destroy a person. Get me a name, Barclay.” I head out the door.
Charley catches up to me. “Come on,” he says.
I give him a look and keep on.
“You get the name, and then what? You’re not really going to destroy this poor woman?”
“Why not?” I say. “My schedule’s clear.”
“It’s not enough that everyone on the continent hates you? You have to go pick fights with the Americans, too? Listen to yourself, Jaxon. Going after this woman would be despicable!”
“You don’t have to sell me on it, Charley, I’ve already decided to go.”
He snorts. “You’re grieving, Jaxon. Petty distractions like this won’t make your grief hurt less.”
“Considering my grief over this is zero, can you hurt less than zero?” I ask him. “Would a negative number of hurting be the same as pleasure? Anyway, dragging my family’s name through the mud has always been one of my favorite pastimes. I can’t take an axe to Wycliff just yet, but this works.”
“Think what you’re doing. Can’t you just say, ‘Who cares about this random snarky person? I’m gonna live my own life.’”
“And the fun in that would be what, exactly?”
His mouth forms into a grim line.
Five
Jada
I’m cowering in my cubicle across from Renata. “What was I thinking!” I say. “Whaaaaat…”
“Stop it,” Renata says, fixing her polka-dot hairband over her jet-black hair. “No way will Bert get it out of anyone. What happens in the conference room, stays in the conference room.”
I sink lower in my seat, typing out my email to the factory explaining that it’s going out late and begging them to consider rushing the Target quote. No way will they say yes, but I have to try.
“It’ll drive him buggy,” Renata says. “It’ll be fun and entertaining to see him fume.”
“Unless he fires all of us.”
“You heard Lacey. No way will he know it’s this department.”
“He’ll suspect,” I say. “It’s very design department to do that.”
“Or marketing,” she reminds me, and then she cringes. “Except marketing has snitches and we don’t. But hey! Let him suspect. Anyway, you work too hard. It was fun to see your silly side.”
“My silly side has no place at work, especially now that I’m senior designer. Just watch, though. I’m not taking any more stupid risks. I’m going to be a million percent professional from here on out.”
“You are professional.”
What Renata doesn’t realize is that when you’re tiny and blonde, you need to be twice as professional as your coworkers if you want people to take you seriously. “A million percent professional. No more screwing around.”
“Everyone knows this place would fall apart without you. Most people in your shoes would have taken the job with your friend’s style storefronts. They would’ve left without looking back.”
“You wouldn’t have.”
“For a merchandising job like that? Are you kidding? You know, you are supposed to abandon a sinking ship. It’s what they recommend.”
“I’ll never abandon it,” I say, firing off the email.
“Bert alert,” Dave mumbles as he walks by.
I grab his wrist, stopping him in his tracks. “Lacey’s in the break room.”
“On it.”
Lacey’s horrible fatigue drives her to need a late-afternoon nap. The doctors say there’s nothing wrong with her, but we know different, and we work together to give her rest breaks.
“Here’s the deal,” Bert says, standing up at the front of the room, all angry pink cheeks under his salt-and-pepper crew cut. “We know it was somebody in this department. Each and every one of you will be fired for insubordination if I don’t get the name of the person who did it.”
I hide my phone under my desk and text Renata.
Jada: I have to come forward.
Renata: He’s bluffing.
He has to be.
Jada: What if he isn’t?
Renata: DO NOT.
Shondrella stands. She’s an elegant fifty-something fashion industry veteran with a streak of white down the front of her jet-black hair and connections all over the city. “Can you give us a few more details? I’m not really sure what you’re talking about.”
Bert eyes her suspiciously. “After the company address, there was an accidental callback where people were heard making fun of Mr. Von Henningsly, yucking it up after the call ended. I assure you, he is not amused. He has personally asked for information.” Bert looks at his watch. “You have precisely one minute to give up a name or I start cleaning house.”
My heart pounds. I have to do it. I feel Renata’s eyes on me, her famous warning scowl. Don’t you dare—that’s what the scowl says.