Marla’s a great stepmom. She’s always been there for me, and even though I’m not her blood, she still senses when something is off with me.
“Yeah, it was Derek.”
She smiles as if that spring of hope is running through her heart too. Everyone wants me to find my happily ever after, it seems.
“Every relationship starts somewhere.” She kisses my cheek. “Now, go get dressed and ready. We’re walking down in ten.”
“Ten minutes?” I screech and start to strip off my clothes. “But I’m on time.”
Marla helps me get in my dress, and I’m pushed into the makeup chair while Posey fiddles with my hair, putting it up with a bottle of hairspray and a box of bobby pins.
Before I know it, someone hands me a bouquet of flowers and I’m walking down the stairs of the inn toward the back patio area where the ceremony is taking place. Last I knew, it was a small gathering of just family and closest friends. Since our family probably takes up the entire space, it’s a good thing Noah has such a small family.
I’m the first one down the aisle because although we don’t refer to each other as stepsiblings very often, it is the truth that Posey and Nikki are Mandi’s biological sisters. I’m completely fine with it though. Sometimes I wonder if my parents would’ve tried for more if my mom hadn’t died. Maybe I would’ve had my own sister.
I smell cigarette smoke the minute I step onto the patio and catch Derek flicking the butt of his cigarette onto the pathway that runs along the shore of the bay below. I suppress an eye roll over the fact that he couldn’t properly dispose of his cigarette butt or better yet, wait until after the ceremony to smoke. He scrambles to his seat.
Smacking on a smile, I hold my bouquet and walk down the aisle. After so many family weddings, I’m a pro at this.
Everyone watches me, and I smile at Derek, who doesn’t smile back. Lord, he’s so moody. What could have happened between him dropping me off and now that soured his mood so much? Maybe this won’t work out between us. His moods swing like a pendulum and they’re always unpredictable. I feel as though I never know what I’m going to get with him.
I look to the groom’s side as a distraction, but obviously our side has had to take up space on his side. Cam is there. He’s dressed in a dark suit and has my nephew Axel in his lap. Axel is fast asleep, sucking on his pacifier. Cam winks at me as though we’re not usually butting heads, and my stomach does this weird whooshing thing, like waves reaching the shore.
God, he looks good with a baby. Too good. It could give a girl like me, who’s had a crush on him forever, ideas.
I strip my eyes away before my ovaries explode and walk to the end of the aisle, turn left, and wait for the others. Posey and Nikki both make their way down, and soon Mandi is standing at the end of the aisle with my dad on her arm.
The turbulent relationship my stepsiblings have with their dad makes me even more grateful for the one parent I still have. I can’t imagine my mom disappointing me like their dad does all the time. I’m the one who disappointed her when I went out onto that frozen lake. Those are feelings that even my therapist couldn’t help me with.
My dad kisses Mandi’s cheek and goes to sit next to Marla, leaving Mandi with Noah. They’re a good-looking couple. They fit well together in personality and appearance.
We all listen to them say their vows and exchange rings. Posey tears up because she’s pregnant, and I hear some sniffles in the audience. I look to see which one of my sisters-in-law it is, but make the mistake of locking eyes with Cam. As Mandi slips the ring on Noah’s finger and promises to love him until death do they part, I’m locked in his gaze. It’s as if he knows how much those words affect me. How my parents said those vows probably thinking whoever died first would be gray and elderly. Maybe that would’ve been true if they’d stopped at four kids. But because of me, my mom died in her thirties, with five kids to raise.
Cam’s soft expression somehow eases the pain piercing my heart. I’ve learned to live with these feelings that come over me at moments I wish they wouldn’t. Usually I smile and pretend I’m not affected, only to lock myself in the bathroom for a few minutes, cry, and get over it. But I don’t feel like crying right now. I feel like taking comfort in Cam’s arms.
What the hell am I thinking?
The officiant announces them as husband and wife and they walk down the aisle, pulling me from my unwelcome thoughts.
We all file down the aisle and everyone heads toward the dining room. Derek meets me and we converse a little, but it feels forced. Any of the ease we had a short time ago is gone. He announces that it’s time for him to leave and I decide to walk him to his car to say goodbye.
Mandi spots us on our way out. “Where are you going?”
“I’m just saying goodbye to Derek. He has to get to work,” I say.
“Not sure who plans a wedding during the week,” Derek grumbles.
My stomach falls to the floor. Yeah, we’re definitely not going to make this relationship work.
“Stop it,” I say. “How about a thank-you?”
Derek doesn’t say anything. “Congratulations,” he says to Mandi what feels like a lifetime later.
I see the scowl Mandi’s trying to hide. She doesn’t like him at all, but Mandi is always polite, so she puts on a smile. “Thanks. Sorry you can’t stay.” She’s lying through her teeth.
“I’ll be right back,” I say and squeeze Mandi’s hand.
Derek slides his hand in mine on the way to the car.
“Thank you for coming. You didn’t have to,” I say in an attempt to start this conversation on a positive note.
“I know I didn’t.”
At his car, he opens the door and stands in the doorway. “So I’ll see you when I get back and we can make plans.”
My lips press together. “Maybe we can talk first when you’re back before we firm up plans.”
He tilts his head and something about it feels slightly predatory. “Talk? What’s there to talk about? I thought you forgave me?”
“Yeah, but…” Why couldn’t I have just said goodbye and left it at that?
“But what?” His posture goes rigid.
“We’ll talk when you get back. I need to get back in there.” I kiss his cheek and step away.
He grabs my wrist. “Tell me whatever it is now.” The words are laced with venom.
I sigh and look toward the inn full of people. Everyone is in the dining room, so there isn’t anyone outside. “I’m not sure it’s going to work between us. We’re very different people.”
“Why wouldn’t it work?” He’s still holding my wrist and his fingers press harder into my skin.
“Honestly? You’re not very nice to my family. And like I said, we’re different.”
“Your family is always looking at me like they don’t like me. Like they think they’re better than me and they judge me because I’m a fisherman.”
“They would never judge you for that. I’m practically a fisherwoman.”
He scoffs. “Please… you strip down naked and take out bachelor parties. God knows what happens out there on the open water.”