Morris and Tiny yammer up front, talking about things and people I have never heard of and know nothing about. They include me, calling back to me, asking me about everyday things like food and getting me a phone.
It’s overwhelming. I shut down and just nod, listening to what they say while the fresh air messes up my hair on the drive back to the compound.
I’m sure I’ll adjust. I’ll adapt. Just like I did inside. But right now, despite the fluffy clouds overhead and the brilliant sun on my face, I’m like a bird whose wings have been clipped. After dreaming of the flight for so, so long, I feel like I’m falling. That feeling doesn’t ease when we pull into the parking lot of the compound.
The three of us head inside on a much different vibe than the one I left on. I remember that day too clearly, but I refuse to think about that now.
When Morris yanks open the door and shoves me inside, it’s this surreal feeling, almost like time travel. The place is familiar and so much the same, but it’s been so, so long, it’s hard to believe it’s real. And then I hear the screams.
The first person I see when I walk in is Madge. Her stream of curse words would put my cellmate’s colorful vocabulary to shame. But by the time I’m all the way through the door, she’s got her arms around me and is holding me tight.
“Oh my freaking God. You’re a goddamn sight for sore eyes, Crow,” she says.
She sounds genuinely happy to see me, even though it’s been a lifetime. People finish college in the time I’ve been gone. Shit, med students become doctors. Kids finish almost an entire primary education. The world is a very different place than it was when I left it. I can see and hear it already. But if Madge is any indication, some things didn’t change much at all.
“Hey,” I say, tentatively at first. I’m not sure where my words are. Where my old vibe went. I used to talk a certain way to women, back when women were plentiful in my life and not carrying weapons to take my ass down if I so much as looked at them sideways.
She’s holding me tight and rocking back and forth, but my hands are in the air. I pat her on the back until she finally releases me and looks into my face with what I think are tears in her eyes.
“What happened to you… That whole godforsaken mess… It’s over now, Crow. And I’m going to make you a casserole to celebrate.” Her words are so unexpected. Kind. Warm. Sincere. Things I’ve had very little of and don’t really know how to respond to.
She turns and bustles away, but Morris clamps a hand on my shoulder and tugs me close.
“Listen, sexy,” he says to her, pouring on the charm. “I know it’s been a while since Crow enjoyed a Madge special, but our brother’s got dinner plans.” He nods at me. “Rain check that casserole.”
He steers me away from Madge while Tiny walks past and calls out to anyone who’s around, “Hey, assholes. Crow’s home.”
“Mammoth here?” I ask, looking around.
Tiny shakes his head.
“He left when he and Tamara got serious. She’s not around either, so you can stop looking around like your head’s on a swivel.”
“I wasn’t looking for her.”
Tiny crosses his arms, raising an eyebrow. “You told her you were going out of state to do your time in order to lure her to the prison. Don’t look me in the eye and say you weren’t making a play for her even back then.”
I shrug. “A man’s got to try, brother.”
“She’s off-limits. She’s happy and so is Mammoth.”
He doesn’t need to say anything else. That ship sailed the day she showed up at the compound and I decided to be a dick to her. I drove her right into Mammoth’s arms, and he deserved her more than I did. They were right for each other.
Within seconds, Dog and Eagle are thundering through the compound, lifting me up, arms around my chest. The hugs and the shouts and the enthusiasm surround me, and for a moment, it almost feels normal. I can remember the last time I was here, surrounded by my brothers. That was a hell of a different day. A somber farewell. The end of my life as I knew it.
This should bring shit full circle. And yeah, the feeling of being welcomed back is good, but I know not to get too attached to it. Anything good in my life, I have to be really, really careful with.
I know how easily it can all just disappear.
2
BRIDGET
One month later…
When I wake up, I don’t even have to open my eyes to know it’s there. The aura.
Shit. Not today. Please, not today.
The shimmer of color seeping around the edges of my consciousness. Like the prelude to a dream, I see a soft halo behind my eyes as I groan and clench the sheets in my hands.
I try to relax my body and unclench my hands. Breathe deeply through my nose, into my chest, and try to release the tension I’m holding in my face. I know none of this will have any impact on what’s coming.
Migraines can’t be coaxed, begged, or bullied away, but sometimes I can slow them down with deep breathing and paying attention to where I’m holding in stress.
Today is a day I cannot let this slow me down. I have to get in front of the headache. This is literally my last chance, and if I screw up, I will be out of a job. Unemployed. And in even deeper financial shit than I am already.
The morning sun is just starting to peek past the shades, so I tug the blanket over my eyes and try to tell myself I’ve got this. I’m prepared for the meeting. I’m going to be okay. I just have to take this morning one minute at a time and not let my emotions, my stress, and my pain take over.
If only I were that powerful.
I fold my hands over my chest and check in with my body. I’m all right. It’s just an aura. A little push behind my eyes reminding me to take it easy.
I get out of bed slowly…very slowly. I shove aside the blankets and open my eyes, focusing on the ceiling and nothing else. Then I wiggle my toes and fingers, letting my body wake up and get the blood moving. Ever so gently, I sit up and get out of bed.
It’s early, earlier than the alarm would get me up, but since I’m awake now, I silence my device so Mia can have a little extra sleep. Times like this, I wonder what it would be like to have a partner. Forget about the love and, hell, even the sex. Having someone to share these things with. The morning routine. The fear and the uncertainty.
Sigh.
Feels like a dream for other women. Not me.
My last hot relationship, now that I think about it, was with Mia’s dad. Bryan was a man I had the good sense never to marry. I only wish I’d had a little less tequila and a lot more self-control during those few weeks I let him into my bed.
Bryan was everything I wanted eight years ago—gorgeous, the life of the party, and horny as all hell. Back then, I was newly legal and hit the bars like any college senior would. I had a great internship, an ID that would finally get me into any bar in the state of Florida, and my whole future ahead of me.
When Bryan ground up against me on the dance floor, his sandy blond hair over his eyes, my fate was sealed.
Thankfully, after all the shit Mom had been through with my dad—none of it her fault—I’d never moved out. Even after Mia arrived, my mom let us live with her. And the three of us did okay for a long time. But things change.