“Gwen,” I answer. “Is everything alright?”
“Oh, yes, of course,” she replies. “It’s been so nice to visit with Nino. We’ve been having such a lovely time together. I do wish I could spend more time with him like this.”
“You know you are free to visit us anytime.” I stare at a cockroach scuttling across the floor, my gaze unfocused.
“I know.” Gwen sniffs. “It’s just … I’m always so sad when I have to leave him.”
Silence lingers as she leaves her thoughts to settle over us. This discussion has been had, and she’s well aware the circumstances won’t change, yet she persists with this topic relentlessly. I won’t remind her that her mental health isn’t up for the challenge, and that it was already with some uncertainty that I’ve even allowed her to look after him during these short trips away. This arrangement has gone on for too long, and as much as she might dislike it, Nino needs the stability of a new live-in caretaker who can be there with him when I am not.
“Marianna has been here helping me.” Gwen lightens her tone, taking on a wistful note. “She is so good with him.”
My fingers stiffen at the mention of her name. “Please thank her for taking time out of her schedule to be there.”
“I’m sure she’d love to hear it from you,” Gwen says. “She adores both of you. And, of course, Nino soaks up the attention. He really does need a mother figure in his life, and I truly wish you would reconsider allowing her to help you.”
I close my eyes and release a quiet breath of frustration. “Is this why you called?”
“Yes,” she confesses. “I know you’re planning to conduct interviews this afternoon, but I must insist you reflect on the impact of hiring outside The Society. I don’t think you’ve fully considered the consequences this could have.”
“I have considered them,” I respond bluntly. “But it doesn’t alter my opinion on the subject.”
“What if this nanny you hire sees something she shouldn’t?” Gwen asks. “Then what? Are you going to get rid of her?”
Her question is a trap. She knows how I feel about killing women, and she’s leveraging that to make her case.
“She won’t see anything she shouldn’t,” I tell her.
“But if she does?”
“If she does, then I will do what’s necessary. I always do.”
“Why even risk it?” Gwen asks. “Nino already knows Marianna. She can give him the sort of love and comfort only a mother can provide. He won’t get that from an outsider. They don’t understand our ways.”
“I’m not hiring someone to be his mother. I’m hiring someone to look after him when I can’t.”
“But Marianna—”
“Marianna has her own motives,” I grit out.
We have exhausted this conversation already. Gwen is not my mother, but she’s the closest thing I have to one, and she believes it is her duty to look after me. In her efforts to do so, she continues to push Marianna in my direction, hoping I will eventually see her as a wife for myself and a mother for Nino. She still believes I can be converted to the idea of having a family of my own, regardless of how many times I have told her I will not.
“Alessio.” Gwen softens her voice. “Please, take it from someone who knows. Family is all we have in this world. You can’t be alone forever. I truly believe if you’d just give her a chance, you would see there is so much more to life. It would be for your benefit, but more importantly, it would mean the world to Nino.”
“I have to go,” I clip out. “My work is waiting for me.”
“Please just consider it,” she begs. “That’s all I ask.”
“I will check in later this evening. Goodbye, Gwen.”
I disconnect the line and silence my phone, returning it to my pocket. There’s a renewed sense of uncertainty in my gut when I open the door and find the client waiting for me. He’s bloody, sweaty, and quietly begging for what I’m certain is mercy.
I approach him and remove the gag, staring at him curiously. “You’re a father.”
When he doesn’t reply, I supply the necessary answer for him as I start to pace. “Two children. Ages seven and ten. A girl named Molly and a boy named Maxwell. All things considered, I must ask, do you feel you are doing what’s best for them right now? Sacrificing yourself to protect your brother? And for how long? Surely, you must know he can’t hide forever. The Ruin will find him, whether you die to protect him or not. And then where will your children be?”
He dips his head and begins to sob as I continue my theoretical exploration. “Your wife would be left alone to protect them. To provide for them on a single income. From your file, I can see that she hasn’t worked since the first child was born. I imagine it would be a difficult transition for all of them. But tell me, do you suppose it would be better to have half a mother who is exhausted from her circumstances? Or would it serve them better to have you, the father who provides the structure they have always known? Do you think children need the softness of a woman in their life? Or will they thrive under any adversity, given the right support?”
“I don’t know,” he shouts. “Please, I don’t know.”
I consider the questions and shrug. I already know the answer to them, of course. I lost my mother when I was ten and look how that turned out for me. When I arrived here this morning, I was convinced I could find the right candidate with the qualities I needed to look after Nino. Now, I am less certain than ever. Perhaps, Gwen has a point. He does know Marianna, yet I am still unwilling to believe she’s not driven by her desire to marry a Sovereign Son rather than her affection for Nino.
Regardless, the interviews have already been scheduled, and I will follow through with them. Now I have to consider that Gwen could be correct in her prediction about the disastrous results. If an outsider doesn’t work out, if they fail to be trustworthy, the only feasible option would be to eliminate them. It’s a big risk, one The Society would not understand me taking. But the members who have volunteered their services have already made what they want abundantly clear, and I am not in search of a package deal. I don’t need a wife and a nanny. I simply need someone to keep Nino on track in the ways I cannot. Someone who can provide the qualities I lack and the empathy to maintain his humanity.
“What are you going to do to them?” the client asks, interrupting my thoughts. “They have nothing to do with this. They know nothing.”
“It’s not my decision to make,” I inform him. “You will have to take that up with The Ruin, should you choose to come clean.”
He breaks down again as I walk around to the pulley and start to crank the lever, hoisting his body into the air.
“This is a version of the Strappado,” I explain it as if I’m a tour guide who’s bored with the whole routine. “You may have heard of it. I will warn you, it won’t be pleasant, and you no longer have the ability to tap your foot. I’ll give you a safe word, should you change your mind. Do you have a preference?”
He cries out in pain as his elbows start to hyperextend backward, his bodyweight dipping forward from the force of gravity.