“Lily?” Mum calls, pulling me back to the present. I turn to her, watching her through teary eyes. “What’s wrong?”
I rub my lower back as I move to the side, allowing last-minute shoppers to pass us by. “I was just remembering our first Christmas together.”
She rubs her hand over my large bump, grinning. “Best Christmas ever. You were so excited once you realised you got to keep all your presents.”
We move forward and take a seat when a table becomes vacant at the outside café. “I never thanked you.”
“For what?” she asks, looking up from her menu.
“For loving me. For being patient with me. For being my mum. For giving me you and Faith.”
It could be the pregnancy hormones that’s making me feel nostalgic, but I need her to know. She gave me everything. I didn’t realise just how much my parents did until I carried this life inside of me. It made me recognise that my biological mum’s abuse went deeper than I ever imagined, because I can’t comprehend how she could do what she did to her daughter, to her sons. She no longer matters though. What matters is who I have now.
Mum’s eyes water as she reaches over. “What’s brought this on?”
“Nothing. I guess with being pregnant and it being Christmas, it brought up some memories. It made me realise how loved I really am; how lucky I am. I want my son or daughter to feel like that every day.”
“They’ll have you for a mother. Of course they will.”
Maybe. I’m three days away from my due date and I couldn’t be any more excited. This time next year, I’ll be out shopping for the little one. I don’t think my heart can take any more happiness. I’m ready to explode with it.
“Thanks, Mum.”
I wiggle in my seat, drawing Mum’s attention. I just can’t seem to get comfortable. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m good. I think walking around has given me backache.”
“Are you sure?”
I grin at her mothering. “It’s Christmas Eve. I’ve not stopped since I woke up earlier. I think rushing to get ready has done it.”
She chuckles. “I keep telling you pregnancy makes you sleepy. It’s only a couple of days until your due date; you really should be taking it easy.”
“I know, but it’s the only day they had free for me to pick up Jaxon’s gift,” I explain, biting my bottom lip as my gaze goes to the bag at my feet. “I think we should keep looking for something else.”
“He’s going to love them, honey. Stop panicking.”
“I hope so,” I murmur, my gaze going to my bump.
I have so many emotions running through me. Every time I feel him or her move, every time I see my bump, all those emotions come flooding tenfold. I’m having a baby. A family of my own—something I never thought I’d have; something I’ve always been too scared to want.
Jaxon has given me so much. He’s healed a part of me no one else ever could. It’s a part of me I always believed wasn’t worthy of love, that didn’t belong.
He gave my life meaning.
He gave me the confidence to push through my insecurities.
He made my life fuller.
I’ve always been grateful for the family I have, for the love we share, but Jaxon… with him, it’s different. It’s always been different.
And I love him like I’ve never loved anyone before.
So, I didn’t know what to give the guy who has given me everything. How do I express all that I’m feeling with a gift or with words? I can’t. It’s impossible. And no matter how hard I try to tell myself otherwise, I feel like our first Christmas together will be ruined because of that.
“Lily, sweetheart, what’s wrong? Talk to me. I picked you up and you were rushing around like a mad woman, and now you seem so lost. It’s beginning to scare me.”
I shake myself out of my thoughts. “I’m sorry, Mum. I’m just worried that what I have doesn’t quite express what I want it to. I need to get him something special, and I feel like what I have for him doesn’t convey that. I want tomorrow to be perfect,” I croak. “But how, if I’ve already ruined it?”
“Sweetheart, he’s going to love your gift. And Jaxon isn’t the guy who needs material things. He loves you. And he’ll be happy with just that. And I bet if you asked him this, he would say the same thing. The way he looks at you…” She shakes her head before focusing back on me. “He loves you. Being with you is all that matters to him.”
“I hope so,” I muse, wincing as the baby shifts into a weird position. “I think the little one agrees with you.” I try to smile, but the pressure intensifies, to the point I clench my teeth.
“The girls are back,” Mum tells me, glancing over my shoulder.
I breathe through the wave of pain as Kayla, Charlotte, and Hayden weave in and out of the tables, heading towards us.
“Hayden, you can’t get him that. It’s not for him; it’s for you,” Charlotte scolds, biting her bottom lip worriedly.
Hayden snorts as she throws her bag over the chair, taking a seat. “I am a bloody Christmas present.”
“What’s going on?” I ask, my interest piqued.
Charlotte sighs as she turns to me. “This one bought a ribbon for Clayton.”
My brows pucker. “A ribbon?”
Maybe what I have for Jaxon isn’t so bad.
“Tell her what the ribbon is going to be tied around,” Kayla comments, grinning.
“Me,” Hayden answers proudly. “Anyone would be lucky to get me wrapped in a bow on Christmas morning.”
I chuckle, shaking my head. “How are you going to tie it around you?”
She shrugs. “I haven’t got that far yet, but if it looks shit, I’ll tell him a T-rex wrapped me.”
“Very festive,” Mum comments.
Hayden grins. “I thought so too.”
“Did you two get everything you needed?” Kayla asks, addressing me and Mum.
“Yes, and don’t worry, Hayden, I got your dad some treats on our way here, so he can stop sulking.”
I chuckle. Uncle Max is still convinced everyone is going to get pregnant now that I am. I don’t think it helps when Hayden teases him, saying he gave her permission to get pregnant the day she was kidnapped. He denies it, but we all know he says crazy stuff when he feels too much emotion.
I know Charlotte’s relationship with Drew is strong, and it won’t be long until they start trying—unless they already have. It’s the same with the others. I do know Faith wants to wait. She’d prefer to get her second business up and running before they begin to try.
“I still can’t believe you blamed Lily for eating that sticky pudding when it was you,” Charlotte comments, shaking her head at Hayden. “That was low, even for you.”
Hayden shrugs. “He isn’t going to say anything to Lily.”
“It’s fine. Though he is beginning to worry me. Sometimes I feel like he’s plotting something when he stares at me,” I comment.
“He’s just being sour. You should have been there when he found out about Charlotte. I swear to you, he was insufferable.”