Anyway, she pulled out some condoms, and he lost his cool and told her he wasn’t going to have sex with her, especially since she’d just been hooking up with his roommate. She’d heard the rumors (which, based on our sex life, definitely hold a grain of truth) and offered to give him a free show. He said no thanks. She told everyone otherwise.
Has he been given free shows prior to Bethany? I have no doubt in my mind that he probably has. I’d even go so far as to say there’s a chance that one of her friends has given him a masturbation demonstration prior to me moving to Chicago.
Kodiak is twenty-one years old, in college and an elite athlete. He might have been in love with me his entire life, but that doesn’t mean he’s been a monk. And while a small part of me would like to tit-punch every single girl who’s ever seen his dick or experienced his amazing oral skills, I’ve benefited directly from his previous practice. Do I want a list of the girls he’s hooked up with before me? No. But I’m not an idiot. I know I’m not his first. Just like he’s not mine (and he hates that fact). But I’m sure as hell planning to be his last and only for the rest of my life and his.
Anyway, after he told me the truth about Bethany, he fell into a guilt spiral. Mostly because he’d spent the first two months of the semester trying to make me hate him out of fear that he’d ruin me if we ever ended up dating. And the whole Bethany ordeal was directly related to that. He felt like he needed to find a way to earn my forgiveness. By giving me orgasms. Hence the raw clit situation.
River snorts, pulling me out of my mental musings and my trip down Raw Clit Memory Lane. “Kody is always clingy.”
I give him the stink eye. “People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, River.”
“Josiah’s not clingy.”
“No. He’s not. But you sure are.”
River’s usual furrowed brow furrows even more. His forehead looks like a barren farmer’s field getting ready for seed with how many lines there are. He’s probably going to need Botox by the time he’s twenty-five. “I am not.”
“You text him every five minutes.”
“I haven’t texted him once during this conversation.”
“But your hand has been tucked into your pocket fifty percent of the time.” I don’t think this is true, but I am 100 percent right about River and his clinginess with Josiah. “You’ve been glued to your phone the entire time we’ve been home for the holidays. And when we’re back in Chicago you incessantly check your phone whenever Josiah leaves to go to class, and you make him text you to let you know that he made it there safely.” Our parents don’t know about Josiah yet and River doesn’t seem to be in any rush to tell them, which is too bad. If he would just come out and tell them he’s gay, then maybe Josiah could have come back early from visiting his parents in California and celebrated New Years with us.
“I do not do that.” His gaze shifts away.
“Uh, yeah, you totally do. And I would know, because I have class with him, remember?”
“Fuck.” River runs his hand through his hair. “Do you think I need to tone it down? I just worry, you know?”
“He thinks it’s cute for now. I’ll let you know if there’s something for you to actually worry about.”
Our dad comes sauntering into the dining room, his eyes trained on the cell phone in his hand. He’s wearing a smirk. I bet a million banana costumes he and my mom are sexting.
I have accidentally been on the receiving end of one of my mother’s inappropriate messages to my dad. There were references to beavers eating wood. Thankfully I stopped her before she could add anything else that I couldn’t unread.
His gaze lifts, first to me and River standing on the other side of the room, both of us wishing we could sink into the floor and disappear, before he turns to see. . .
“Oh fuck. What the hell?” His arms flail like an octopus on some kind of drug-induced trip.
“Maverick was sleuthing, and he was apparently successful.” I totally throw my brother under the bus.
“How the fuck does he always find them?” my dad mutters. “I’m going to pin him down and shave his head.”
“He’s gone back to school,” I tell him.
“What?” My dad frowns. He looks like an angry Superman with some gray hairs.
“Mav’s gone back to school. Said he needed to get some early reading done.”
Dad rubs his chin. “That sounds like a giant load of bull.”
River and I both shrug. At the same time.
“Maybe he realized he actually needs to put some effort in?”
“In his last semester? Nashville already has eyes on him. Why would he start putting in effort in the eleventh hour?”
“Maybe he’s got a hot tutor?” River offers.
Our dad looks like he wants to argue for a second, then nods a couple of times. “I would be great if he would cut it with the serial dating and settle down.”
“I don’t think he’s dated anyone since October,” I offer.
“Huh. Well, hopefully he’ll find someone who will calm him down and help him reach his potential.” He rubs at his bottom lip. “I wasn’t much older than he was when I met your mom.”
We all know that our dad pursued our mom, and that their relationship started as a one-night stand, not because they told us specifically, but because their relationship was all over the hockey websites. Including some very graphic pictures of them trying to sword fight with their tongues. It’s pretty gross, and yet another thing I can’t unsee.
“I knew she was my end game the moment I saw her reading Fielding in the front row at center ice.” Dad takes a step toward the table, gaze on the dressed-up nanners. Clearly he’s trying to be all casual about getting rid of the evidence of their weird-ass sex life in the form of a porno-banana gangbang on the dining room table.
“I forgot to ask earlier, but do you need any special supplies before you head back to school?” Dad makes quote marks around the word “special” and points at River.
“No Dad, I’m good on special supplies.”
“You’re sure? You don’t need anything for slip ‘n slide?”
“Positive, dad.”
“Okay, just making sure. And what’s the Waters’ Men rule of engagement?”
River purses his lips. “Dad.”
Dad cocks his head and makes a come on motion with his hand. “I wanna to hear it.”
River’s voice is inflectionless as he mutters, “Foreplay isn’t a suggestion, it’s a necessity.”
“That’s right.” He gives River two thumbs up. “I’m just going to grab those and put them away before guests arrive.” He scoops up the festively dressed bananas and hustles out.
River and I look at each other.
“I can’t believe I got to witness that. It was like a train wreck.”
“We have this conversation basically every time I talk to him. When I was fourteen, he sat me down and talked about the importance of foreplay and gave me a bottle of lube and four boxes of condoms.”
“Wow.”
“Where do you think Mav got the giant econo bucket of lube from?”