He was momentarily stunned by her intuitiveness but maybe he shouldn’t have been. Most people didn’t catch on to what he meant when he said he didn’t drink at all. He always said it so matter-of-factly. Usually people just thought he meant he wasn’t drinking right then. “No, I’m good, I promise. I’ll be right back.”
He stepped into the laundry room and found the box of battery-operated candles, regular candles, flashlights, little tea lights and other assorted things that made up the equivalent of a hurricane kit and carried it back to the kitchen. He set everything on one of the countertops as Adeline set both their bowls on the table.
“I’m sorry to disturb your getaway,” he said as he joined her in the eating nook.
She snorted softly and motioned for him to sit as she took her own seat. “I could say the same thing. You’re obviously up here to get away too. Sorry I ruined that for you.”
“Being around you is a nice change of pace. I haven’t seen much of you the last couple months.” Damn it, he hadn’t meant to say anything. He didn’t want to make things awkward, because it was clear she was trying to keep things light and upbeat. Apparently he couldn’t help himself.
It definitely wasn’t his imagination when her cheeks flushed.
He cleared his throat. “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to make it awkward. You’re just being really nice to me. It…surprised me since it feels like you’ve been avoiding me.”
“No, it’s fine. I guess…I have maybe been avoiding you.”
“Maybe?”
“Fine, I have been.” Her cheeks flushed even darker and she avoided looking at him as she picked up her fork.
“Just because you don’t want to go out with me doesn’t mean we can’t be friendly.” It bothered him that once he’d asked her out, she’d basically ghosted him.
“It’s not that I didn’t want to go out with you… I did. I do. I mean…” Her cheeks were flaming now. “I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. I’m just not dating right now and I guess I panicked. I didn’t want things to be weird, so I flaked.”
He focused in on the “I do” statement. Interesting. He wasn’t sure what to think about it.
“So how was the drive up here?” she continued, clearly trying to change the subject.
He took her up on it, not wanting things to spiral into a weird place, especially when they were currently sharing a roof. “Not too bad until the rain started. The roads were getting slick the last couple miles here. And the lightning—” As if on cue, lightning flashed across the sky, highlighting the lake in brilliant streaks of white.
Across the table, she shuddered slightly.
Protectiveness surged through him. He didn’t like it when anyone was afraid, but especially not Adeline. Not after what she’d been through. “After we eat, we might want to set up some of the candles just to get things ready.” He glanced over at the fireplace. “And I can get that going again.”
“Yeah, I kind of let that fall by the wayside. I took a bath and then got distracted with cooking.”
The vision of her naked in a tub wasn’t making the attraction dissipate any. Nope. Not at all. “This is amazing, by the way. I think your mom would be proud.” He took another bite, ordering himself not to shovel it all in like a barbarian.
“Thanks.” Her cheeks flushed again and he had all sorts of thoughts about that—namely wondering if she’d flush all over if he had his head between her legs.
Silence stretched between them and he couldn’t decide if it was comfortable or awkward. Things between them were weird but she’d admitted that she’d been avoiding him and…being here with her didn’t feel off. He liked her company, liked her, and she was trying to make the best of things.
“Can I ask why you don’t drink?” she asked suddenly. Then her eyes widened slightly. “I mean, never mind, I’m being really nosy. When I’m nervous I tend to talk too much and say stupid stuff. Just ignore me.”
His mouth curved up as he watched her. He’d never seen her out of sorts like this. She was sweet and funny—always making his brother laugh when she tutored him. But out of sorts? No, definitely not.
“It’s okay. I don’t mind talking about it. I’ve been in AA for about thirteen years. I don’t have the urge to drink anymore.” He paused. “Actually, I should say I get the urge maybe once a year, but it usually passes. I’ll wonder if now I can have just one drink and be done with it. But I’m simply one of those people who can’t drink. I just don’t know when to stop. It’s like there’s a switch in my brain that doesn’t shut off. In high school it wasn’t a big deal, and in case you haven’t heard, I had quite the reputation as a partier.”
She nodded. “I’ve heard some stories.”
Yeah, he figured, and hoped she hadn’t heard the worst ones. He’d been young and stupid, but it was still embarrassing to think of the way he’d been. “So anyway, that was normal, or I thought it was. I was young and stupid and all my friends were doing it.” Of course his friends hadn’t been drinking on weekdays after school like he had been. “In the Marines I basically got my shit together. When I was deployed, I wasn’t drinking much except if we managed to sneak some into our tents. But it soon became clear that unlike my friends, I simply couldn’t stop. One of my superiors had a long sit-down with me about what my life would be like if I didn’t get it together, and I looked into AA, got a sponsor and got that part of my life together.
“It’s not as simple as all that—I hurt people in ways I regret, had setbacks, and I screwed up more times than I want to admit—but that’s the short story of the long road I took to get here. It’s just part of who I am, and I’m at the point now where it’s something I manage.” He didn’t hide this part of himself, but he also didn’t normally talk so freely about it. But he liked being open with her, wanted her to know exactly who he was. Especially since he thought there might still be a chance between them.
“You still go to meetings?”
“Once a week. It’s healthy for me to connect with others, remind myself that I can’t ever risk going back to who I was.” He’d built up his business, had two brothers to look out for, and he liked his life. Ruining everything over a temporary numbing wasn’t worth it.
She took a bite of her dinner, nodded thoughtfully. “My mom was an alcoholic. I’ve always been cautious about how much I drink because of it. I know it can be hereditary.”
“My dad was one too. He covered it well, but knowing what I know now, yeah, he had a problem. I just didn’t see it when I was a self-involved teenager. I honestly don’t think he realized he had a problem. It was sort of the culture of him and his friends, I guess.” He cleared his throat. “Can I ask you something personal?”
“Yeah, of course, especially after you’ve been so open.” She watched him with those gorgeous brown eyes he could lose himself in.
“You never talk much about your past. I guess I don’t have a question, I’m just curious, and now you’ve brought up your mom, so…” Hell, he didn’t know what he was trying to say. He just wanted to get to know her more.