That made me chuckle. “Yes, we’re not like that, but hell. I just, can I have time? I want to help you guys however I can, but I need time.”
I couldn’t think, because what the hell would this mean? I wouldn’t be a father, and I would help create life, bring joy to their family, and help make a new baby. It would be clinical. It wouldn’t be real. Or maybe it would, and I was thinking too hard about it. I just needed to think, but I couldn’t. I wanted nothing to do with the food on my plate, and the girls looked at me and sighed.
“Of course you can have all the time in the world. The less time, the better, since we’re working on fertility meds, but you have time. We’re never going to pressure you into anything. And if you say no,” Laura added, “That’s fine. We don’t have to talk about it again, and you will always be this baby’s uncle. We will always be open with our child as to how things occurred. If that makes sense.”
“So your child would know if I was the one who donated,” I said, my voice wooden, trying to breathe.
“Yes,” Michelle said. “Secrets change things, and we don’t want it to be like that. If this isn’t what you want, just tell us.”
“No, I don’t know what I want. I just need a moment to think, to breathe. I wasn’t expecting this at lunch.”
“And we kind of ruined your Reuben, didn’t we?” Laura asked, and I chuckled.
“Maybe I’ll just take it home and eat it later.”
“Okay,” Laura said, a wobbly smile on her face. I cursed under my breath, pushed my seat back, and stood up before I kissed the top of her head, and then did the same to Michelle.
“I love you both. And just like I said before, you both are going to be wonderful parents. I just need a minute to think about exactly how I’m going to help the situation. I need time to think, and I wasn’t prepared for this.”
“We expected that. We’re going to give you all the time in the world because this is a big step,” Michelle said.
Laura smiled. “Very big step. We’re here if you want to talk about more and what plans you’re thinking, and exactly what would occur. No matter what, we love you, Benjamin. We wouldn’t be asking if we didn’t.”
I let out a shaky breath again, looked at them, and then looked down at the plate in front of me.
“We’ll take it home; I’m pretty sure you’re not going to want to eat that while thinking about sperm,” Michelle said, before she laughed. “Okay, maybe we aren’t going to eat it either.” I laughed again, said my goodbyes, and headed home. I couldn’t think clearly. I needed someone to talk to, needed to talk it out, and I didn’t think it could be my family just then. They would have questions. They would have their own opinions, and while I loved my family, sometimes they were very set in their paths. They would either be all for it and ask me why I was waiting and not just donating that moment, I thought with a laugh, or they would want me to think about every single ramification of what it meant of having a child out there with my genes, but wasn’t mine.
Hell, I needed to focus.
I turned the corner, about to cross a crosswalk, and saw Brenna there, reusable shopping bags in her hands and a smile on her face.
I knew what I needed to do. Even if it made no sense, but I needed to getaway. I needed to think. I wasn’t going to do that with my family all around me.
“Hey there,” Brenna said as she looked behind me. “Oh, you were at the café. Was it good?”
“Uh yeah, sure,” I said, not answering. “Hey, I have a question.”
She blinked up at me. “What is it?”
“Do you think you have room for one more on that trip of yours?”
She blinked, staring at me. “You want to come with me on a road trip to my family reunion?” Confusion filled her tone.
“When you put it like that, it sounds idiotic, but I need a moment to think. I don’t have to go to the family reunion, but getting out? That sounds good.”
“Is something wrong?”
I shook my head. “Nothing’s wrong, but I need to just be. I don’t know. I can usually just be when you’re around.”
Her lips softened into a smile, and I wondered exactly why I had just said that. It was the truth, but it hadn’t occurred to me until the words were already out of my mouth.
“I needed time to think too, so that’s why I was doing the road trip.”
“Shit, then forget I said anything.”
“No, I can think with you around too. So sure. Why the hell not. It’s already going to be weird on a road trip by myself. I might as well bring you along and confuse everybody.”
I snorted. “I’m already really fucking confused on my own.”
“That sounds about right. But okay. I leave the day after tomorrow. You sure you can do this?”
I nodded. “Yes, I have time. And I was already thinking about taking some time for myself. Hell, a road trip sounds just about perfect.”
“I have no idea why I’m doing this, but yes. Come on down.”
“I have no idea why I asked, but thank you.”
I couldn’t talk to the Montgomerys. I couldn’t talk to anybody, except apparently, maybe Brenna. I would have to think about what that meant later, because first I had some packing to do.
Chapter 3
Brenna
I wasn’t quite sure what had happened, but my lone road trip for me to sarcastically find myself on my way to my family in Virginia had turned into a road trip with my friend, the twin brother of the man that everybody thought I was in love with.
“No, my life hadn’t gone insane at all.”
I cringed, but I told myself that this was fine. Benjamin and I were friends. Just like I was friends with Lee and Annabelle and everybody else in our circle. This wasn’t anything new to us and didn’t need to be weird. Only, why did it feel weird?
It didn’t help that we’d be alone in a car for a couple of days. And a night. In a hotel room. That we weren’t going to be sharing, of course, but still, it was going to be interesting. I hadn’t planned on this turn of events, but he had looked so lost and confused, and that wasn’t Benjamin’s usual MO. Benjamin was the steady one. The one who always knew what he wanted and went about doing it, even if he was completely quiet along the way. But here he was, looking like he had lost something or needed to work things out. Since I knew he never took time off, this had to be important. The idea that Benjamin needed time to think meant he truly needed it. He didn’t take time for himself like that, he always took care of other people, and maybe he did himself as well, but not in any way I had seen, because he was just that self-confident, self-assured.
Now he was going on a road trip with me.
Annabelle stood in front of me, her hand on her belly, and I tried not to focus all of my attention on the motion. Not that I wasn’t ecstatic that one of my best friends was having a baby. I couldn’t be more pleased. I wanted to get down on my knees, kiss that belly, hug her, and tell her that I’m so excited for her, but I refrained. I didn’t need her to give me a weird look. I knew that one day soon, I would be pregnant, gosh darn it. I wouldn’t get those odd looks anymore. At least, that’s what I hoped.